Dear One
by Cara Lavender
Summary: Willow Wood, the daughter of Oliver Wood, is made captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Only problem? James Sirius Potter is doing everything to try to sabotage her, her father is neglectful, she's failing potions, and the entire school branded her as a slag. Follow James and Willow on their journey through sixth and seventh year. James S. Potter/OC
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Only One**

 _Dear Katie,_

 _How's France? Dad talks about you loads and how the team is suffering without your medical help. All he thinks about is Quidditch, but I guess that's why he's coach of Puddlemere. I still can't believe you two played on the same Hogwarts team and professional team. I wish I could have someone to do that with, it would make going professional easier. The only one who wants to go pro is James Sirius Potter - and I can't stand him._

 _Speaking of Quidditch, you will not believe what happened! I got named the Quidditch captain for Gryffindor's team! I'm really so excited, I've been dreaming of this moment since I've entered Hogwarts. The badge is so pretty and I can't wait to see the look on Potter's smug face when he realizes I'm captain. I have all these plays already written up, but I could use your retired Puddlemere trained eye. I would ask Dad, but he's busy divorcing the she-devil. I knew she was a mistake. Shelia was absolutely horrible. Dad has the worst taste in girls. That's the third divorce and counting. Fourth, if you count the time he went to the States and got married in Vegas for a day under a fake minister._

 _I can only imagine the headlines. You're going to be back for the Charity ball with Dad, right? He's been stressing over planning parts of it. You better come back to calm him down. He really goes crazy without you._

 _I've got to go, Theo and David are arguing over something so I'll write later._

 _Love,_

 _Willow_

* * *

The steam rising out of the Hogwarts' Express filled the sky while the bittersweet autumn breeze floated down to make me pull on tighter to the thin jacket that covered my arms.

"Bloody hell, Willow," Theo, my brother - a second year - said, while racing around the platform with David, the other brother. They were fraternal twins, so it was quite easy to pick them apart. David and Theo didn't cause trouble, they were just overhyper kids with permanent sugar rush. "Look at that!" I turned my eyes to see a huge clan of redheads and a few brunettes and white blonds. The Potter - Weasley families. They were extremely easy to find, just look for the giant love fest of "Promise to write!" and hugs and "I love you". Not like I was envious of that.

Maybe just slightly. It's nice to feel loved, you know? Not like I would know.

"Harry Potter," David whispered to us. I rolled my eyes at their fascination with the Potters. Not only did they worship James more than they liked me, they happened to be good friends with his younger sister. "Do you reckon we can talk to him?"

"No." I stated flatly before picking up my luggage. "You probably can't." My eyes caught the bright brown eyes of James Sirius Potter. He seemed to have gotten slightly more tan, probably from Quidditch while his black hair stood messily as always.

"Shall we go in the train or are you two going to stand there ogling Harry Potter?"

"Ogling Harry Potter sounds more fun than being with you," David told me, like the prat he was.

"Whatever," I grumbled. "We have a famous dad, too."

"He's not here, though," Theo said sullenly.

"Get used to it, boys," I replied simply. "He never will." I hoisted the luggage up, onto the train before promptly coming face to face with Fred Weasley the Second. His freckled face and red hair made him the ideal Weasley, but his jokes and pranks made him the detention king along with James. He and James were inseparable and always were stirring the pot.

"Willow! My favorite Wood!" Fred immediately burst into laughter. "Have you ever gotten the wood jokes before like - "

"Yes, Fred," I smiled slightly. "I have." My smile grew wider on my face. "And, have you heard the news?"

"What news?" He cocked an eyebrow. "Roxanne, my dear twin, and the deadbeat she was dating cheated on her? Your best friend Taylor breaking my fragile heart? There's a lot of news."

I grimaced at the Taylor comment, knowing though Fred may joke, he was genuinely hurt. Why else bring it up?

"The news that I'm the Quidditch captain!" I blurted excitedly.

"What?" I turned my head to see none other than the infamous James Sirius Potter, whose eyes were widened to saucer sizes and mouth agape.

"I'm the Quidditch Captain!" I exclaimed again, darting around James and Fred to see their reactions. So far - James was shocked still while Fred was smiling slightly. "And guess what, Potter?"

I stole a quick glance at Fred who was watching James with careful eyes while James stared at me hard, glowering almost. I walked slowly over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder before whispering into his ear, "I got chosen over you."

"You're real cool, Wood," James managed to choke out, before turning back to me. "We all know Kang chose you because you screwed him on the last day."

"And I thought you were above all of that, James," I shook my head. It was a little bittersweet to find out that's how James thought of me. I always thought he didn't think of me that way. "Guess not." I made my way to the next compartment that contained my friends. The true ones that didn't think of me the way everyone else does.

When I first got to Hogwarts, within a few months, a reputation of mine was built up: the girl who lives and breathes Quidditch. That all changed in second year. Not only did was my dad newly wedded to Shelia Gagman, a journalist who was less than nice and motherly to me, but I made friends with the wrong people. I distanced myself from the other second years and hung out with the older years.

By the end of my second year, a new reputation was handed my way: Willow Wood, the slag. Comments about my Quidditch position fitted me("Chaser because she chases every guy!") slowly turned into ostracization from the students. It got better, but it still lingered even after four years.

"Taylor!" I gave my tall best friend a quick hug before moving on to Emma Longbottom and Roxanne Weasley. "I missed you all, so much."

"I like your new hair," Roxanne beamed, showing off the hair that once was a foot longer. Emma looked down, rearranging her bangs and prefect badge, always the nervous one.

"I can't believe you two are prefects," I groaned, looking at Taylor and Emma's gold badges.

"Well," Taylor laughed. "I can believe you're the Quidditch captain. That's all you talk about - "

"Wait, oh, my God - you're our Quidditch captain?" Roxanne's eyebrows shot up. "James was stressing all summer about it, like - wow! I wouldn't think of a better choice, and don't tell James I said that. It's just, you're a lot more...Leader-like."

"I'm hurt, Roxy," We all turned our heads to see James and Fred standing in our compartment - James acting like Roxanne shot him in the heart.

"You broke his heart, sister," Fred commented before pretending to care for James' wounded heart. James faked a gunshot to the head while Fred let out an exaggerated wail.

"Shut up," Roxanne giggled. "You two exasperate me." I looked at Taylor who was suddenly extremely interested in a chocolate frog card that ironically - had Ron Weasley on it.

"What's so interesting on that card, Taylor?" James abruptly said, having noticed the same thing I had. He had his classic smirk plastered on his pratlike face. He knew exactly why she was staring so intently at it. "Besides my uncle."

"Okay, we get it, your family is famous," I defended my best friend. "Sorry, we're all mere mortals in presence of James Sirius Potter, the firstborn of Harry Potter."

"Wow, thanks," James rolled his eyes. "And don't act so innocent yourself, don't you remember last year?" He then proceeded to mock me. "'Hey, Kang, you should chose me for captain, since my dad, is, you know, like, the Quidditch player. Oliver Wood's my dad, it's be, like, Quidditch hate crime if you chose someone else over Oliver Wood's daughter. Also, Kang, my room's open to you anytime - '"

"I never said that, God," My eyes were rolling to the back of my head. "It was more like you, 'Oh, Kang, my dad's Harry Potter, he defeated the Dark Lord. If you don't chose me, it'd mean you're a deatheater.'"

"I didn't say that!" He said, now completely steaming.

"And I never, ever, screwed or even snogged Kang." I glowered back. "And can you please get out of our compartment? There's two prefects here and - "

"Three, actually." I heard Fred correct. I was suddenly aware that Roxanne, Taylor, Fred, and Emma were all listening to the argument.

"And whose the third one?" I snorted. "You?" Roxanne burst into a hearty laugh, knowing there was no way her brother could ever be prefect.

"Roxanne," James said smugly.

"Wait, seriously?" I whipped my head back to look at the girl in the eyes.

"Guilty." She shrugged. "I guess they thought I had potential. Speaking of prefects," My friends looked at me apologetically. "We have to go the meeting."

"You're going to leave me alone? With them?" Taylor gave me an unhelpful shrug as they filed out of the compartment.

I slumped into the red velvet seat while looking out the window. A quick jolt near my thigh caused me to shoot up - James and Fred giggling like ten year olds - and pull up my robe to see in bright red ink written on my leg "WHORE." My mouth dropped and I snapped up to look at Fred and James furiously.

"Wasn't us!" They said at the same time. "I solemnly swear!" I could tell the two weren't lying. They'd never do anything like that even if James and I despised each other.

"But..." I looked around. "How would anyone do - " I pulled my robe back down angrily. It wasn't the first time I dealt with this stuff. Fourth and Fifth year were the worst. I really thought this year would be better.

I didn't say anything for the rest of the train ride and opted to stay out of Fred and James' excited conversation of the incoming year and watched the window instead.

I realized with a small ache in the heart how badly I needed my best friends, and how ironic is it that when I need them - I get stuck in a train with the two most obnoxious gits in the history of Hogwarts.

* * *

"Are you okay?" I opened my eyes lazily (the ride was quite long, and I guess I had drifted asleep) to see Fred, all alone, sitting across from me.

"Yeah," I yawned. "I'm fine. Rough summer."

"Oh," Fred shrugged his shoulders. "I heard about your dad's divorce. Sucks."

"I guess. Good for me though. She was a bitch."

"Hah." Silence filled the compartment. "Can - Can you help me do something?"

"What do you mean?" I really hoped this wasn't a set up for a joke or whatever.

"I want Taylor back. Could you, I don't know, maybe, mention to her that you think I deserve a second chance?" For a minute, I couldn't believe I was sitting across from Fred Weasley. Where was the Fred I knew?

"Tell her during Quidditch practices, I went shirtless and you were like 'Damn, that twelve pack!'" There he is.

"Maybe not those words," I leaned my head against the window. "But sure."

"Hey!" James ran into the compartment excitedly. "The trolley lady went to every compartment but ours! Do you think she hates me because - "

"I'm Harry Potter's SON!" Fred and I chorused together. And somehow, a smile crept up on my face and I had forgotten all about the stupid leg ink.

"Oi, bugger off," He took a seat next to Fred and they immediately started to ramble on about their plans for the year once again and I drifted back to the window.

 **A/N: This is a revised, re-uploaded version of Nobody's Perfect - a story about Willow and James - under a different name and definitely better written.**

 **I chose the name Dear One, because Willow writes letters to Katie Bell who we find out more interesting drama about(if you've read this before, please don't spoil - you'll find out in chapter three or four so it's not a long wait). It's also that Dear One happens to be a song by Mary Lambert, who is such an amazing singer/songwriter. The song is like a love poem and it's so beautifully written.**

 **Every chapter will be opened with a letter from the correspondence of Willow and Katie Bell.**

 **If you read Nobody's Perfect, I will say I was writing freely, no plot intended or character developement. Hopefully, this story is better! Feel free to ask me questions if certain characters will appear or be the same.**


	2. Detention's Cool

**Chapter Two: Detention's Cool**

 _ **(present time)**_

 _Dear Willow,_

 _Your father talks about me? Haha, that's surprising. I miss all of you! I'll be back in a week, but it sucks that I won't see you and your brothers until Christmas break.  
_

 _Don't worry about whatever James Potter says about you getting your Quidditch position, I'm sure he's just jealous and angry. Write to me all about your Quidditch Captain times! I never got Captain, but I never wanted it: much more happy with Harry Potter being captain._

 _But, anyways, on to you - tell me when your first game is, I'm sure your dad and I will go together. It will be so fun to see you, like relieving school days._

 _Love,_

 _Katie_

* * *

Potions was my worst subject. If I'm being honest, I understood all the concepts, but putting it together was a natural disaster. There wasn't one day where my potion doesn't blow up or start a fire.

I carelessly poured the green stuff into the bubbling mixture. Normally Emma was there to help me make a good potion, but she was unfortunately in the Hospital Wing for falling down two flights of stairs. That girl, I swear.

Immediately as the green stuff hit the potion, it turned a dark grey color.

Was that supposed to happen? I whipped around to see Potter's potion that was a perfectly blue shade and wasn't bubbling. Fred was next to him fiddling with a pencil. Unfortunately for me, James was extremely brilliant at Potions - which made Slughorn adored him.

Maybe he did it wrong. I hope he did. That prat is Slughorn's favorite, imagine his face when he finds out his favorite isn't that perfect.

"Miss Wood, what is this?!" Slughorn asked me. I jumped, not even realizing he was next to me. His eyes were widening to see the weird mess of a potion I had.

He picked it up. Which was his mistake because it blew up in his face.

Silence followed this. Except for a few laughs from Fred Weasley.

"Oops?" I said. Slughorn just glared at me.

If looks could kill, then I'd be dead.

I turned around to see Potter smirking at me.

"Nice one," He mouthed. I stuck my tongue out at him.

Slughorn wiped his face off while practically spitting at me.

"What did you do to it?" He demanded.

"I dunno," I shrugged. "I put the green things in the potion."

"The green stuff?" Slughorn raised an eyebrow. "What green things?"

"They look like Bernie Bott's, Professor!" I said. "They were on my desk or - " I saw him take a look at my desk and then to his.

"MY BERNIE BOTT'S?" He exploded like my potion. "I TOLD THE CLASS NOT TO TAKE IT - I SPECIFICALLY SORT OUT THE GREEN ONES TO EAT, WOOD!"

"Oh," I could only say after a stunning silence. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or not.

"Detention," was his response.

"But Professor, I'm captain of the Gryffindor team and I'm holding tryouts tonight - "

"Should have thought of that before you stole my green beans."

I tried my hardest to stifle a laugh, but that's all that came out.

"I'm - " I giggled. "I'm - so - so - sorry - Professor - It's - It's just kinda funny, right?"

I was met with "Detention for the rest of the week, Wood!"

* * *

"How was detention?" Taylor asked in the Gryffindor Common Room when I got back.

"It was detention. With Professor Slughorn. What do you think?" I said, opening up the Potions book. In addition to detention, Slughorn insisted I had to write a five page essay about that Potion in particular.

"To understand it more." Slughorn had said with some side smirk. I almost lost it. It was so obvious he hated me. Once I raised my hand in class, and he had a meltdown over how my hand was raised to high.

I pulled out spare pieces of parchment and a quill pen.

"What does this even mean?" I wondered outloud.

"It means that the potion, which we learned in First Year, Forgetfulness Potion, the key ingredients are Lethe River Water, mistletoe berries, and Valerian sprigs." Jams said out of nowhere.

"Thanks." I said. Wait, Potter helped me? This must be a trap. "How do I know you aren't lying?"

"Because my potion didn't blow up." He said, in a know it all, sort of bossy tone.

"Well - " I didn't have a comeback. He _was_ better at Potions than me.

He gave me a smirk.

"Then how do you make this potion?" I said.

"You don't know how to make the Forgetfulness Potion? It's one of the most basic." He said, rolling his eyes.

"Did you not see what happened? I forgot how to make the bloody potion." I laughed after realizing the irony.

"You add to drops of the Lethe River Water to your cauldron, then gently heat for twenty seconds." He said proudly. I wrote this down.

"Add two Valerian springs to the cauldron, stir three times, clockwise. Wave your wand."

I waved my wand.

"No! You write down wave your wand." I put my wand down, feeling foolish. Godric, I was having a stupid day.

"THe second part is, you add two measures of Standard Ingredient to the mortar. Add four mistletoe berries to the mortar."

"How do you remember all of this?" I said, amazed by his knowledge. I could barely memorize the names of potions.

He ignored me. "Crush into a medium fine powder using the pestle."

"Okay..."

"Add two pinches of the crushed mixture to your cauldron. Stir five times, anti - clockwise."

"Okay." I said, writing it all down.

"Wave your wand to complete it."

I was about to wave my wand again, when I thought the better of it and wrote it down.

"Thanks." I said. "But, what do I write about it for the rest of the pages?"

"I can't do all the work for you, can I?" He merely shrugged before taking the papers from me and writing down random knowledge.

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "I need to do some of it!"

"Knowing I'm the REAL captain, I guess you should get used to me always doing all the work." I snatched the parchment out of his hands roughly before opening my mouth to tell him off.

"I - " I decided to take the high road, for once. "I'm going to ignore you said that. And, by the way, the tryouts are Saturday morning. Be prepared to train the little prats hard."

* * *

"Can this just end right now?" Roxanne Weasley said, looking extremely bored, her dark curly hair falling down on one shoulder and her dark brown eyes that usually glimmered were glazed over.

I didn't blame her. It was Quidditch tryouts today and so far, all the candidates had been horrible.

"No, we will find a Keeper and Beater that fits in perfectly with us and is amazing." I said, trying to be optimistic, but the whole team rolled their eyes.

"We aren't." Fred said flatly. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

"Hey! We can't be too negative!" I said, to the team, which consisted of Roxanne, James, Fred, and Al. The chaser position was already filled up by Roxanne, James, and I - while the Beater position remained half unfilled with Fred. Al followed after his dad's footsteps and was an amazing Seeker. "I'm sure we'll find someone. Didn't you guys say Lily was trying out?"

"Maybe," Al shrugged. "I'm not sure if she's doing it this year."

"She's late if she is," I pointed out. I soon realized if Lily was any good, this team would be 99% Weasley - Potter. "But, we have other prospects, right?"

They all pointedly stared at the current wannabe Keeper who somehow threw himself off his broom and rolled on the ground.

"Okay, well maybe the candidates we have now aren't the best, but - " I started to say, when some blond, snotty looking male walked onto the field, like he had a purpose.

"My name is Cory McLaggen, and I am going to be Keeper." Going to be Keeper. What a laugh.

"Well, Cory, you're late." I said, giving him a disapproving stare. He mounted his broom and ignored me. Sadly, he was proved to be actually pretty good. The only problem was that he was an arrogant prat, which wasn't a good trait for the team.

The only decent Beater was my brother, Theo, but I did not want to make my team seem like it was filled with nepotism. I mean, basically only the people that are related, like the Weasley's and Potter's are on it, and putting my brother makes me seem like captain who has favorites.

However, he was the only good Beater, and he was the only one who would probably get along with the team.

Cory McLaggen was the only good Keeper, but he was an arrogant prat.

"He's an arrogant prat that needs to get a kick." Potter stated when we were discussing who to pick. I agreed fullheartedly.

"But he IS the only good Keeper!" Roxanne stressed.

"Well, they can't just be good, they also have to be able to get along with everyone." I added. I hated to say it, but I was with Potter.

"But even if he's annoying, if we choose Finnegan, then we are going to lose the cup!" Albus said.

Fred nodded his head.

"Well, what about Beater?" I said. I didn't want to choose for the Beater.

"Theo." Fred quickly said. "He was really good, and he seems pretty nice." Everyone murmured their agreement.

"So it's decided, Theo as Beater and Seamus as Keeper?" I said.

"No, Cory's Keeper." Fred said.

Potter quickly jumped to my defense. "Cory is a giant arse, do we really want him?"

"Yeah, do we?" I said, feeling like a sidekick agreeing with everything the leader says.

"Yes, we do!" Roxanne, Fred, and Albus shouted. I looked back at Cory who, currently, was trying to tell all the horrible keepers what to do.

"Fine." I said. I went over to them all.

"You all were - errrr - you all definitely tried! Well, some of you." I was spouting lies. "But there can only be two people we choose, so we all decided, as a team, to pick Theo Wood as Beater and...Cory McLaggen as Keeper." I announced. Cory just gave a smirk and grin to everyone while Theo blushed.

While the other wannabee Quidditch players disbanded to their rooms, Cory came up to me. His blond hair wasn't mussed up from the window due to an impressive amount of hair gel and the smug look on his face seemed permanent.

"You're captain, right?" Cory asked me.

"Uh, yeah." Was it not clear that I was captain? Oh, my God, did everyone think James was the captain instead of me? "Why?"

"Oh, your grip is off, that's all."

"Well, that's funny," I told him sternly. "Nice to know you have a sense of humor, got to go now - detention calls, right?" I bolted from the boy's personal bubble because his cologne was suffocating me and to the Dungeons to serve my time in detention.

"Hey, don't run in the halls!" A Slytherin prefect said to me as I raced down.

"Oi, shut it!" I said as I continued to run. Unfortunately, he ran after me. The brunette boy caught up to me and announced that I had detention.

"More?" I whined. "God, I didn't even know prefects could do that." I walked the remainder to the empty classroom where Slughorn sat.

"Welcome," He glared. "Join the rest of them." I took a reluctant seat in front of Fred and James - the detention regulars and the only ones in here.

"You're going to grade tests for me," Slughorn announced, throwing the stacks of tests to us before knocking out and sleeping.

"Well, that was fun," James said once Slughorn was dead asleep. "Let's go, Fred!"

"What?" I looked at him slack jawed. "You can't - "

"But we can," Fred shrugged. "Slughorn adores James."

"That's not fair!"

"Neither was you being chosen for captain, but life goes on - " James smirked.

"I didn't SHAG Dave!"

"How sweet, you call him Dave," He replied condescendingly. "Everyone on the team knew you and Kang used to snog in the locker rooms - "

"We didn't!" My anger was bubbling to point I felt my tears coming. I was an angry crier. Scratch that, I was just a crier. A silent one, thank God, but a crier. "He didn't chose me just because we shagged!" Before I realized what I had revealed, James grinned evilly.

"And the truth comes out," James laughed. "Come on, Fred, let's go." Fred stole a glance at my watering eyes before leaving with his cousin.

* * *

"You know, you're a real jerk," I stated to James in the common room once detention ended. "God! I had to grade all those tests by myself and he didn't let me leave until I finished it all." I checked the Grand Clock that read twelve AM. Why on Earth was he still up and on the couch, staring into space?

"Sorry." I looked up in surprise. "I'm really sorry, I mean it," He smirked and I felt a feeling that his apology wasn't completely sincere. "But how was Kang? Was he gentle or - "

"God, would you get OVER it?" And the tears were coming back. "I was chosen over you, okay? Like you said, life goes fucking on! I - I don't understand why you're being so annoying over this."

"You don't?" James raised an eyebrow. "Wood, you know exactly how I'm feeling, because it's the same feeling you'd feel if you weren't chosen and I was."

I knew he was right. We were the most passionate about Quidditch out of everyone in Hogwarts. We both wanted it bad.

"I'm sorry if I upset you, alright?" His ears turned bright red and he rubbed the back of his neck. "I just...really wanted to be captain. I'm upset too. I took it out on you."

"Yeah," I sighed. I hugged my knees. More to myself than James, I sighed and said, "Dave probably chose me because we fucked around. I mean, what else do I do?" I looked at the fading ink on my leg that branded me. "I'll go now. Have a nice sleep, Potter."

"You too, Wood." A faint smile fell on my face that I didn't even know where it came from.

Go away, I told the smile. It didn't go away and I have to admit, I liked where it came from.


	3. The Big Schemes

**Chapter Three: The Big Schemes**

 _ **(second year)**_

 _Dear Katie,_

 _I miss you._

 _Love,_

 _Willow_

* * *

Fred Weasley II had a plan to get Taylor back, and it was overtly complicated and not going to work.

"Here's this," I offered him. "Ask her out. Literally, just ask her to the first Hogsmeade! Say some stupid cheesy stuff about love and then boom! You get to shag her!"

"You think like a typical teenage boy," He stated.

"Sorry?" Was that a bad thing?

"I need to be sentimental, Willow Wood!" Fred narrowed his eyes at me. "And I don't care about shagging Taylor, I just...I'd like her back."

"You're asking the worst person for advice," Roxanne cut in, coming from nowhere. "Literally, Willow doesn't believe in love or romance. Just snogging and shagging."

"There's good reason to that," I gathered my books up. "How about I tell Taylor that I want to ask you to Hogsmeade? Make her a little jealous. And if she acts like she doesn't care, I'll go to Hogsmeade with you and get her jealous." Taylor was very possessive of her friends and her exes.

"That's brilliant!" Fred exclaimed loudly. "You're brilliant!"

"Try telling that to Slughorn," I rolled my eyes. "I've got to go to bed anyways. I need to wake up early for my run."

"Yeah, you and James both," He sneered. "You should join him."

"I'd rather die," I said cheerfully.

* * *

The run was simply tradition. I did it all the way until winter came, and once that snow storm blew over and spring was there - I'd start my run again.

Of course, James ran as well, but we never crossed paths, thankfully.

The cold weather nipped at my exposed bare skin but I kept going. I always got extremely hot and sweaty when the sun came out which is why I opted to just wear minimal amounts of clothing.

"Hey, wait up!" The voice of Grant Manet carried its way to me. I looked back to see him sprinting to me. "Willow!"

"Nope," I shook my head and sprinted faster. Manet was someone I cared not to talk to, especially after he was the one that dropped me first. He played for the Ravenclaw Quidditch team as a Keeper and we used to be good friends until fourth year when he told me he couldn't be my friend anymore because his girlfriend got jealous.

He chose a girlfriend over a good friend, so I followed through his girlfriend's wish for him not to talk to me. They lasted a month.

"Come on, Willow!" Grant called after me but I ran even faster. I kept running even if I had thought I lost him and ran straight into James Sirius Potter's back.

"AH!" He shouted as I cursed. "What the hell?"

"Sorry," I apologized. "I was just running away from someone."

"Now, you have to explain the story of that," James laughed.

"Trust me, you don't want to know," I said, surprised to find myself having a pleasant conversation with James."Old fight."

"Oh, so let me guess." His brows furrowed. "Uh, Roxy?"

"Not Roxanne," I shook my head. "I love her now."

"Finn?"

"God, I hope not. I'd probably be dead." Finn Wilde was a burly former Hogwarts student who I never wanted to tangle with - although I had small feud with him.

"Well, that's all I know besides that Slytherin who got expelled."

"Yeah," I shrugged awkwardly. "It's no big deal. How was your run?"

"Good, until you ran into me," James laughed. This was weird and strange. We were being polite.

"This is weird," I blurted. "Why aren't you insulting me?" Before James had a chance to respond, Grant Manet came out of nowhere.

"Willow!" James smirked while I started to run but unfortunately, the prat grabbed my arm and spun me around to face Grant. I would have been more mad if James' hand wasn't so bloody warm and comforting.

"You kids talk," He said excitedly. "I'll just listen."

"Shut up, James," I glared. "And I'm not going to talk to Manet."

"But Willow - " Grant began to talk. "I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me! We could catch up and -"

"Why?" I looked at him curiously, forgetting that I proclaimed that I wasn't going to talk to him.

"That lasted long," James sneered.

"Shut it, Potter!" Manet and I said in unison. He grinned at me.

"Do you wanna or no?," Grant shrugged. "It'd be fun, just the two of us like the old times."

In a time of my old life, this would have been the best proposal ever. A date with Granet Manet! A beautiful date! However, for the current me, it just seemed like an opening for him to try to stick a hand down my pants. That's what most guys asked me out for, anything more wasn't suited to me or offered to me.

"No," I tightened my ponytail, mumbling. "No, it wouldn't be fun or anything like the old times." I took off running while light footsteps followed me.

"Why'd you say no?" James, the owner of the footsteps, inquired nosily - like the blunt meddler he was.

"Because I don't want to," I stated while jogging at the same pace as him. We were so close to the castle.

"Is it because he used to fancy you a lot?" James asked. "And you're creeped out by that, because trust me, it was strange when he had that crush on you - "

"No, and I wasn't aware he ever fancied me," I said, slightly taken aback from the news. "I'm going to Hogsmeade with Fred."

"WHAT?" James stopped running, his eyes expanding. "Fred? Really? My cousin! As in the one that is obsessed with your best friend?"

"Yeah," I nodded, walking into the castle while breathing heavy from the run. "I'm exhausted."

"As am I," James was just as sweaty and panting just as hard as me. He edged closer to me. "You realize there's a group of second year boys looking at your body?"

"Oh, yes," I eyed the preteens, who all were in my brother's grade. Suddenly I felt extremely exposed in just shorts and a sports bra. "I'm very disturbed."

"Not too discreet about it either," James shrugged. "But wow, that one is really into your boobs."

"Yeah," The little boys were really grossing me out. "Let's not talk about this." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Is Fred going to be jealous?" He teased with a smirk on his face.

"No," I rolled my eyes. "Fred and I just pretending," I widened my hazel eyes for emphasis. He nodded, seemingly that he already expected this. "You know, Taylor? We might not, though, he might just end up asking her and if she says yes - "

"Oh," James shrugged. "Well, I - uh - never mind. Our match is near, you know!"

As James chattered on about Quidditch, an uneasy feeling in my stomach grew. Why was he being so friendly?

"Okay, but seriously, Potter, why're you being so nice to me?" He looked at me briefly before settling into a toothy grin.

"We are friends, aren't we?" I thought back to the events that had recently happened to everything before. We did share the same friends and we did have some moments where we were nice to each other. I mean, we said we hated each other - but there were so many times where we would support and have each others' backs.

Maybe we were becoming friends.

"Friends," I repeated. "Yeah, of course."

Friends. I liked the sound of that.

* * *

"Taylor!" I chased down my very blonde friend who happened to be walking down the hallway. The Hogwarts outfit was too small for her, so the skirt hit midthigh and the shirt was too short for her tall figure. She was taller than most guys, leading most to not want to date her - I had to say, the fact that Fred didn't care about height made me have respect for the guy.

"Oi!" I called out. "Taylor Hart!" This time she heard me, and she turned around.

"Oh, hey!" She greeted me with a wide smile and hug. "What's up? The whole castle is talking about how you rejected Davies."

"Yeah, really?" I wasn't surprised to hear the castle has taken another interest into my love life - or as they kindly called it, "the slag life". "That's strange, uh, because I actually shot him down not just because he's an insufferable douche, it's because I wanted to ask someone else to Hogsmeade."

"Really?" Taylor's eyebrows were up to her hairline. "You want to ask someone to Hogsmeade? Who?"

"Uh," I tried my hardest to keep a straight face. "Fred." Taylor burst out laughing, I bit my lip to keep me from busting out.

"No," She giggled. "Seriously, who?"

"I'm being serious!" I protested. "I really am!"

"Willow, that's - " Taylor looked at me deeply. "You're serious? But - well - the thing is - "

"You want to ask him to Hogsmeade?" I could read my best friend's mind so fast, as she could for mine.

"Maybe," She blushed. "I kinda regret breaking up with him."

"Then do it! Ask him to Hogsmeade!"

After Taylor ran off to do so, I wondered if what they had was love. I'd never experienced that, nor will I ever. I realized that some people aren't cut out for hope and dreams and love - and that was me. Love was for suckers like Taylor and Fred.

* * *

"Willow!" Grant Manet called out to me the same night.

"What, Manet?" I asked harshly.

"I've been meaning to ask you this, I wanted to ask you this morning but James Potter was there and I would've asked you about it during Hogsmeade if you said yes, but - uh - did your dad ever find out?" Immediately my stomach dropped. Grant was the only one who knew about the spying and snooping and researching we did to find out who my mom was.

"No," I said softly. "He didn't."

"Does he - "

"He doesn't know and he's never going to find out, okay?" I dropped my voice. "Keep your voice down, I don't want people to know."

"Who your birthmom is?" Grant whispered. "Do you and Katie still write?"

After I found out who my birthmother was, and the fact that it was the lady that my dad was good friends with - the woman I used to call my aunt Katie, I didn't know what to do. Grant had stopped talking to me once I confronted Katie about it. Maybe he just wanted me for the adventure, who knows?

I never forgave him for leaving me at a time I really needed a friend.

"Yeah, we do."

"Has she told your dad?" I paused before deciding to tell him the truth on a lie I told him years ago.

"I never told Katie I knew," I muttered. "Can you please leave me alone now?"

"Alright," Grant nodded slowly. "Goodnight, Willow."

"Yeah," Keeping this a secret from everybody was so hard. Talking to someone about it was slightly refreshing. "Grant, wait!"

He turned around, his blue eyes never strayed from my face.

"I'll go to Hogsmeade with you."


	4. First of Many

**Chapter Four: First of Many**

 _ **(fourth year)**_

 _Dear Katie,_

 _Things have gotten worse. I thought it'd be better this year, but my best friend just abandoned me._

 _Of course I'm not talking about Taylor or Emma, I'm talking about Grant._

 _Ever since he started dating Jennifer Whatever her Last Name Is, he's been a lot more distant. Anyways, Jennifer is really crazy jealous and possessive. Whenever I'm around her, she tries to start a fight. Grant's just been completely taken over by her._

 _I feel like he's slipping away from me and I'm not sure what I would do without him. I'll miss him so much._

 _I'm cutting this letter short because of schoolwork and Quidditch - but I miss you._

 _\- Willow_

* * *

Spying on Taylor and Fred whilst being on a date was a lot harder than it seems. I only have two ears and it's hard to listen to Taylor's conversation while being fully invested in Grant's. Right now, sitting at Madam Puddifoot's creepy tea house with him while Taylor and Fred were at Three Broomsticks was even harder. Splitting paths with them made snooping a lot harder, I tell you.

"Are you even listening to me?" Grant asked with a slight smile.

"Yeah, of course!"

"Wait, I hope you know I didn't ask you out for just a good snog or shag or whatever," He said. "I'm not like the other guys."

My attention was snapped back to him.

"Really?" I smiled ever so slightly. "That's sweet of you."

"Yeah," He said. "You know you've changed a lot. Not in the way everyone talks about you, of course - I think you're great!"

There was always a small hero complex in Grant. He always wanted to rescue a damsel in distress, and I realized quickly I was that damsel. Maybe he wanted to date me because I'm the poor slut that gets picked on with a tragic past explaining her ways - but that wasn't me. Sure, there's reasons behind what I do, maybe deep rooted in mimicking my father's behavior but I do what I want and it's my life. I don't need rescuing. Grant was already doing his hero complex by separating himself from the boys that used me before.

But I found that admirable, although a little insulting. I always wanted someone who would care about me. Someone who I could eventually grow to trust, like Taylor and Fred.

Taylor and Fred, the suckers.

"Oh, Godric," I realized, feeling sick to my stomach. "Sorry, I've got to go."

"What is it?" Grant looked at me. "Are you alright?"

"Just peachy, but I've got to go, I really, I just need to go - " I ripped his hand off mine and ran away quickly.

I couldn't stand there and be the girl that's in a position to have a beautiful heartbreaking love story with a boy who later dumps her for another beautiful girl.

It's an offer that so many people fall for, but not me. I watched it happen to Katie with my dad and I wasn't going to let myself become my mom.

I got up from the table and ran all the way to Hogsmeade, where I plopped right down on an empty chair at Taylor and Fred's table. Except there was something on the empty chair.

I screamed, jumping off.

"Oh, my GOD, that chair has something in it!" I looked at Taylor who shrugged innocently at me while Fred glared at the chair.

"Let me see that chair," Fred stood up and pushed the chair from side to side. "I think it's okay, wait - want me to slap the invisible something?"

"Uh," I looked at him to see if he was serious. "I guess?"

Fred slapped the air and I swear that I heard a small "ow!".

"It was probably your imagination, Willow Wood," Fred smiled. "But you're not going to third wheel today."

"But I just dumped my date for you two!" I joked.

"Oh, yeah," Taylor chuckled. "Not like that was going well."

"Shut up," I mockingly told her. However, she couldn't be more wrong. I found myself maybe fancying Grant which seemed like a good turn for someone who actually wanted to be loved. "Fine, I guess I'll leave." I turned to look at Fred who was kicking the air.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" Fred smiled, jutting out an elbow. "I think James is out there like a lone boy, you know how that loner is without me."

"Oh..." I looked at Fred. "Are you okay?"

"Yes!" He smiled. "And as I said, JAMES is out there! Go on!"

"Okay?" I made my way to the exit. If they wanted me gone so bad, they should have just told me to beat it once they saw me.

"Fancy seeing you here," James was perfectly posed next to brick wall, with a smirk on his face. "What happened to your date?"

"I left," I said. "So no sex for me."

"Yeah, Fred's right, you literally think like a teenage boy." James stated before breaking into a smile. "I like that about you. You're straightforward, you know?"

"I mean," I smiled. "Thanks. I guess."

"No problem," James shoved his hands in his pocket. "Wanna go to Weasley's Wheezes with me?"

"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged. "Why not, right? I've really never gone too far in that shop."

"It's wicked," He gushed. "I mean it, wow, it's - it's really cool, Fred and I practically live there, mind you, his father does own it but - it's insane!"

"Well," I giggled at how hyped he was getting over it. "If you put it that way, it better live up to the hype."

"It will, I swear!" James excitedly grabbed my hand and lead the way. It was slightly strange to be James Sirius Potter's friend and holding his hand, but then again, this year was full of surprises.

I paused before following him: my mind started to remember all the nasty words he had said to me. The snarky comments over captain, the silly fighting, and the relentless teasing.

 _Wood, you know exactly how I'm feeling, because it's the same feeling you'd feel if you weren't chosen and I was._

The words haunted me. I knew that when it comes down to talent, James and I were tied. Leadership was probably tied, but I always felt out of control of my team.

James knew how to shut them up and make them listen. I hadn't mastered that yet. He claimed it was from experience from having a big family but I knew that he and Kang got along well - Kang knew James was capable of being a leader.

But Dave and I, he never knew me that well until one after party lead to snogging and then more. He treated me better. Guilt from stealing the captain spot from James made me feel even worse.

"See!" James' big smile brought dimples to the sides of his cheeks as he led me around the store. "This is a new product, we were going to first make it be chocolates that you'd give to an old grandma and the chocolate morphs you into a younger version of yourself - but then Fred accidentally ate one and he turned into a baby, so we had to fix that - "

"Don't be telling your bird all my failure stories," The infamous George Weasley who shared the same eyes that Roxanne and Fred had stepped out of nowhere before snatching the chocolate from James' hand. "Not to fear about my dimwitted son," George added. "I had an antidote made in a week."

"He was a baby for a week," James cracked up. "It was hilarious."

"Anyways," George fixated his gaze on me. "Whose your girl, Jamie?"

"Uh, she's not my girl," His ears turned bright pink, which I noticed happened a lot. "She's a friend, I guess."

"Yeah," I smiled. "I'm Willow Wood, nice to meet you."

"Oh, Wood's daughter!" He nodded. "How is he?"

"Good." At least I thought so. Not like my dad talked to me about his feelings. He was a good dad when he was there, but it was hard for him to be there for me.

"Just good," George commented. It looked like he was about to say more but James interrupted.

"Uncle George and your dad played on the same Quidditch team in Hogwarts," I smiled politely when the door opened and the jingle of bells hit our ears.

"Oh, Godric," Grant Manet stood there in the doorway with a sad look on his face.

"So, that's why you left our date?" Grant asked loudly while George and James looked on with identical amused looks. "To hang out with Potter? Really?"

"I've - " I was a lot of things but being a coward was not it, I'm a Gryffindor. But for this particular moment, I did the only thing I thought of which was grab James' arm and run out of the shop.

I pulled James along until we reached Three Broomsticks again and we were both breathing heavy.

"God!" He exclaimed. "What was that all about?"

"I just wanted to avoid him, alright?" I sighed. "I just, I have history with him."

"Really? What period?" James joked. A lame joke, but it made me smile.

"Shut up," I shoved him playfully.

The real truth of the problem was that Grant Manet was the first guy I really liked. I fell head over heels for him in second year. He was nice to me and I felt myself fall in love with him as the years went on - up until he cut off all ties with me.

I couldn't risk the chance of falling in love with him again. If I was put in that position, I knew I would always end up as that girl who gets her heartbroken. Ever since fourth year, I found that it was best to be that girl who is unaffected and strong and never gets dumped. Instead of becoming my mom, I became my dad.

"Hey, Willow!" I heard Grant call out on the way back from Hogsmeade. "Willow, wait!"

"I'll leave you two alone," James snickered at my expense and jogged up to third wheel with Taylor and Fred.

"I'm sorry," I immediately blurted to Grant, whose brows furrowed.

"No, I'm sorry," He said. "I didn't mean to pressure you into going on a date with me, especially if you didn't want to. Which, obviously, you don't."

"No - " I bit my lip, staring into his deep blue eyes. "I did, I just..."

I looked at Grant for all that he was. The boy that first introduced to me as the boy who was everyone's friend - but I was always so confused at that, because the feelings I felt towards him was nothing but love in the romantic way.

Maybe I was defected since I always had feelings for the wrong people that I learned to shove under the rug.

Grant helped me find out who my mother was. Grant helped me through all of my dad's drama. Grant was the boy who also broke my heart.

Was the chance of being with him and falling in love worth the heartbreak?

As I looked at him in the eyes, a minute of silence since I stopped talking and he wasn't talking - I knew what I had to do.

"I want to go out on another date." I said. "And I want it to be good. And I'm going to be more interested this time."

"Yes, m'am," He smiled widely.

"I'm not going to lose you again, Manet," I said.

I was taking a chance, but what I didn't know was the storm that was about to hit me.


	5. Empty Promises

**Chapter Five: Empty Promises**

 _ **(third year)**_

 _Dear Katie,_

 _Okay, so remember in my last letter where I said James and I were becoming friends and everything and he was being super nice? Well, I was COMPLETELY wrong. He sabotaged me!_

 _We were at Quidditch practice, I was acting friendly - and he told the captain that I said his plays were weak. They are, but still - I told him that in confidence! I never knew that he was such a snitch!_

 _But just wait, it gets even more worse. Right after that, I confronted him and somehow James threw a Bludger on his foot and claimed I hit him with my broom. He staged it perfectly, too!_

 _I'm never trusting him again. It's only third year and I want to kill a student. Is that normal?_

 _Love,_

 _Willow_

* * *

To be completely honest, James and my newfound friendship was not smart of me.

If I even would have thought about the past and how many times he did me dirty - and the time he tricked me - I should have know this would not fall far from the mark.

"Hey, Willow!" He jogged up to me before Quidditch practice one morning. "I already set up the pitch, so - you're welcome."

I should have seen that as a warning sign - he was doing my duties as captain. But it turned into a new tradition, he set up the pitch and helped me with plays.

That's fine, it's called being helpful - only, with James, you can't just think he's being helpful. I'm surprised he wasn't put in Slytherin. The boy is seriously twisted and manipulative when he wants to be.

"Okay, Fred and Theo," I called out. "I want you two to - "

"You guys have to be less violent!" James cut in. "You almost took off my damn head."

"Exactly," I said, feeling a little foolish. I was the one in charge. I did have control issues, of course, so I convinced myself I was paranoid.

As I went down the line, telling Cory and Albus what they individually needed to do - James was backing me up with a glorious smile. I sent him a dubious stare but continued on.

"And for us," I mounted my broom. "We should we just focus on securing our passes and working better as a team."

Roxanne and James nodded.

"Yeah," Roxanne grinned. "James and I have been working on that while you were helping Al. Surprisingly the prat is a good teacher."

"Shut it," He retorted lamely. We soared up to the sky and began flying.

"You know, Potter, I appreciate your help but I can coach the team myself. No need to always back me up - "

"Of course," He said while dangling from his broom to be a show off. "The team needs the help, especially yours. It sucks that you fell off your broom and can't coach or play in the first game."

"Excuse me?" I glared. I specifically wrote to my dad, asking him to come to my first game as captain. He had written back that he would and it was a promise. This was the first game he's going to see my play. He practically taught me how to play, and I was excited for it. "When did I fall off my broom?"

"Oh, about, I don't know, right now?" I looked at him in confusion. There was a moment of silence while James made some funky eyebrow movements.

"Damn it!" James cursed and called out to Fred. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HIT HER WITH THE BLUDGER NOW! IT'S NOT COOL IF YOU DON'T DO IT WHEN I SAY ABOUT RIGHT NOW!"

My mouth dropped open as shock hit me. "James, how dare you - "

"I'M NOT DOING IT! I'M NOT A SLYTHERIN LIKE YOU, YOU SLIMY SLYTHERIN AT HEART! I KNEW THE HAT CONSIDERED PUTTING YOU IN WITH THE SNAKES! I KNEW IT!"

"THE HAT NEVER SAID THAT! THE HAT TOLD ME GRYFFINDOR ONCE I PUT THAT OLD MUSTY THING ON, YOU DICK!"

"WILLOW, JAMES WANTED TO KILL YOU SO HE COULD TAKE OVER AS CAPTAIN!" Fred bellowed. "BECAUSE HE'S A SLIMY SNAKE!"

"AM NOT!"

"AM TOO!"

"JAMES, YOU FUCKING DICK, I WILL KICK YOU OFF THIS TEAM AND KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP AND CHOP OFF YOUR NEEDLE DICK ALONG WITH IT! YOU'RE THE WORST PERSON, GOD, THIS IS JUST LIKE THE WHOLE THROW A BLUDGER ON YOUR FOOT AND CLAIM I DID IT! I'M GOING TO CHOP YOUR STUPID HEAD OFF AND I WILL HEX YOU!"

"WILLOW, YOU'RE A FRIGID BITCH AND I HAVE HALF A MIND TO HEX YOU AND THROW A MILLION BLUDGERS AT YOU AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW, SET YOUR ENTIRE ROOM ON FIRE - "

"YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU DOUCHE - "

"MISS WOOD!" We all looked down to see Professor Slughorn there. James looked at me with a smug smile on his face. When it came down to James and my feuds - James would always win if the Slug himself was there. "WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!"

"I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU GIANT SLUG, IF YOUR OLD ASS DOESN'T BACK THE FUCK OFF AND HOP OFF MY BLOODY NONEXISTENT DICK - I WILL POUND YOU TO THE GROUND MYSELF!" And I've done it. I've gotten myself a million detentions.

"WILLOW WOOD AND JAMES SIRIUS POTTER!" The yell was louder than anyone on the field and it came from the one and only, Headmaster McGonagall. "MY OFFICE! NOW!"

* * *

"I hate to do this," The old woman said sternly, her lips that were normally in a piercing, razor sharp line were moving faster than I've ever seen. "I really do hate to do this, but not only have you both lost around a hundred points for your own house each, but you both cannot play this upcoming match."

"Headmaster, please!" I protested while James did as well. "This is important, it won't be a fair fight without me on the team!"

"And me," James huffed. "Or have you forgotten that I practically run the entire team myself?"

"You don't do shit, and you know that!"

"STUDENTS!" McGonagall said angrily for the third time. "You two cannot work together. I want you two to either work this hatred and rivalry out before the upcoming match, or you both won't ever play Quidditch for Hogwarts again."

"Tell James to apologize for trying to sabotage me being captain like a snake and for him to apologize for being a douchebag who sucks ass and for being an insufferable prat."

"Tell Willow to apologize for being a complete bitch and being rude to people on the team - "

"I never was!" I gaped. "Since when?"

"Since you yelled at your own brother and Cory for not adapting as fast as you want them to!" James turned to McGonagall. "She's brutal out there, she made a fifth year BOY cry!"

"I am not," I huffed. "I give them tough training."

"Although I do not highly doubt that," McGonagall said. "You two will not have a good team if you can't work together."

"Well, I'm captain, so - "

"She's not doing a perfect job of it," James muttered."

"Why? Why do I have to do a PERFECT job?" My eyes flashed. "God, I can't go around the pitch, giving out rainbow smiles and everything. I'm a coach!"

"You know what?" McGonagall sighed. "The team seemed to be doing well when you and James were friends for all of five peaceful days. So this is my order," She glared. "You two need to work this out on your own time. But for now, you both will not and CANNOT play the upcoming match tomorrow unless you manage to fix this somehow. And when you do, I'll have another offer about the team. One that you both may find intriguing. Now get out and fix your problems!"

"Yes, Headmaster," We both chorused and immediately left.

"Okay, then," I looked at James in the eye. "Apologize."

"No," He shrugged. "You're not a great captain, I'm sorry. I'm not saying this out of jealously - "

"You told me I was a good captain a few days ago!" I glared. "What the hell changed?"

"That was before I saw you make your brother and Cory cry. You are scary, woman," He said. "And you need to tone it down."

"I will not apologize for making those weak bitches cry."

"You just called your brother a weak bitch."

"I. Don't. Care."

"Listen, you just aren't good. You have to be supportive as well as aggressive, alright?"

"Yeah, whatever, but I'm still captain." I pointed out.

"And we're both not playing unless we work this out." James pointed out as well.

"Fine," I glowered, then softened my gaze. "You're right. We need to work this out. Why'd you try to injure me?"

"I already told you the answer."

"Yeah, you think I'm a terrible captain, alright, I get it."

"I don't - " He shook his head. "Never mind. It was a dumb idea, alright? I have stupid ideas."

"Yeah, well," I shrugged. "I just really want to play in this match. Let's just go back to McGonagall, tell her we sorted everything out!"

And so we did. Except she didn't believe us and then we started arguing again which made her believe us less.

"I'll believe you two when you both have a compromise and understanding and mutual respect." But how could I ever understand and respect James Sirius Potter? Which is exactly what I told her and she shook her head and told me to work it out.

"This is all your fault, Potter!" I yelled. "God, if you didn't pull that stupid stunt..." I turned to him with angry eyes. "My dad was going to come to this match, okay?" I felt my voice break off as he stared back at me with an intense stare. "And he was going to see me play and be proud of me and be my dad for once in his lifetime, and you had to ruin that!"

"I - "

"Leave me alone," I muttered angrily while shaking off his hand.

* * *

"We can't play," I announced solemnly to the team. "So, we have to use our two reserves - "

"You mean Candice and Healy?" Albus asked with a disappointed look on his face. "They're not ready."

"Yeah," I said. "I'll work with them to get them ready by tomorrow and I'm going to need you guys to really focus. We don't have our best team, so you need to get into shape."

"WE'RE PLAYING! STOP TEACHING CANDICE AND HEALY, WE CAN PLAY!"

"I GOT IT!" James cheered as he ran towards us. "I GOT IT!"

"What?" I looked at him. "How'd you do it?"

"I pulled a few strings, but McGonagall said we can play!"

"Serious?"

"Why would I lie about this? We can play!"

The team cheered while I looked at him with pure wonder and amazement.

"Say hello to the new co-captain of the Gryffindor team!"

"WHAT?"


	6. Games in the Head

**Chapter Six: Games in the Head**

 _Dear Willow,_

 _I can't wait to see you play! I'll definitely be there.  
_

 _Love,_

 _Dad_

* * *

Today, I was simultaneously stressed out and extremely excited.

My dad was coming to watch my game! My dad, for goodness sake's.

I couldn't wait to see him. He would be proud, I know he would, my dad would be proud of me whatever I did. Sure, he wasn't a perfect father but he still was supportive when he was there. And I missed him.

"Ready, co-captain?" I looked up to see James who I was speaking to - but as limited and short as possible. Sure, he saved the day but it was really also his fault. And he was now co-captain. I wasn't mad over that, just confused. I needed to have a talk with Headmaster.

"Yeah, sure," I grumbled. "God, what did you even tell McGonagall?"

His ears turned pink again and his cheeks flushed red.

"Nothing for you to worry about," He said. "Just stuff."

"Whatever," I glared. "You better bring your best game today."

"I hope you realize we are on the same team."

"Of course," I smiled fakely. "But like I said, bring your best game today or you will regret it."

"Okay! Okay!" James held his hands up. "Godric."

As the team filed into the locker room, all geared up, I shot James one warning glare and decided to go with a happy speech - not just because James said I was mean - but because my dad was here in the stands!

"Okay, team," I said. "Remember what we have to focus on, alright - "

"And - " James cut me off, finishing the speech for me. "We have to be in this a hundred percent. We're going against Ravenclaw and their team improved tenfolds. So, don't let anything stop you from being aggressive, okay?"

"Also," I interjected, jabbing my elbow into James' side. "Let's keep our mind on the game, and focus on winning!"

And so that's how the rest of the speech went, by the time we were done - our sides were aching from all the elbowing that we got in.

"Ready for this, Potter?" I arched an eyebrow as we walked out and our names were announced together, as much as I hated it. ("Co-Captains of the Gryffindor Team, it's Willow Wood and James Potter!" George Jordan announced loudly).

"More than you think, Wood," He kept his eyes focused on the field. "Don't let your boyfriend ruin your game."

"Shut up," I said angrily. I looked in the stands for some sight of my dad but there were too many faces.

"Hey, Al," James teased. "Wave at mumsie and dadsie!" Al excitedly waved at them, not understanding that it was a joke on Al.

"Do you write to them to come?" I asked with a small part of curiosity. His parents went to almost every game.

"No," James snorted. "Why would we do that?" I looked at him in envy. I still couldn't make out my dad's face. Maybe he's currently being swarmed by fans.

I made eye contact with Grant, who looked spiffing in his Quidditch robes. He smiled at me. I gave him a cautious one back. I twisted my head again back to the stands.

"Looking for someone?" James asked. "A bloke, perhaps? Wouldn't Manet be jealous?"

"Bugger off," I mumbled. I couldn't see my dad. It wouldn't be the first time he bailed, but it certainly would be a disappointment. This was the first time I ever got a response back that was from him - not his assistant who wrote tell me he had a busy schedule but might make it. This was serious.

"He's not here," Theo muttered back to me with a slight annoyance in his voice. "You told us never to expect him, but you always expect him."

"Did you write to him, too?" I asked quietly, so the team couldn't hear us.

"No," He looked at me in confusion. "Don't bother, right?"

"Right," I said. I had mentioned in my letter that it'd be Theo's first game, and Dad had always been so proud of him playing Quidditch.

Soon my thoughts were swept up with the game once it started as I darted from side to side, ready to snatch the Quaffle away from the Ravenclaw chasers. They were good, but I knew we were better. It'd be an easy win. It would be only, my game was off. I lost the Quaffle, didn't score as good or fly as good. I was too busy looking at the bleachers. He wasn't here.

"What's so interesting about the stands, Wood?" James hollered at me. "Don't you remember your speech?"

I gritted my teeth. He was right. I couldn't let my personal drama get in the way of winning this game. We were up only ten points and we needed a bigger gap than that.

"Wood is off her game," George Jordan commented. "However, she does look mighty fine so - "

"JORDAN!"

"Alright, Professor, I'll keep it professional!" He paused before narrating what was currently going on after James had yelled at me. "Wood takes the Quaffle, wow, she's going quite fast - really fast - she's faster than the snitch and - SHE SCORES!"

I sniffed at Grant's outstretched arms that the Quaffle had just passed and went back. I was being a little bit of a Quaffle hog, I'll admit, I wasn't working with the rest of the team. But I was angry and my emotions always played with my mind. It was like my own little Quidditch game in my head. Right now, my fears and anxieties were winning.

At the break, Roxanne and James turned to me with angry faces.

"You have to work with us!" James exclaimed. "Willow, I don't know why you're acting so weird today - " He scoffed when realizing I wasn't paying attention. "What is so interesting about those stands?"

"N-Nothing!" I stuttered nervously. "You're right, you're right, okay. Right now we're around fifty points ahead, let's get to hundred and fifty and then Al, you can go for the Snitch. Make sure the Ravenclaw Seeker never gets it, alright?"

I still didn't work with them as well as I could have. Maybe my dad came late, I thought frantically just as the Quaffle soared to me. I quickly caught it, still offguard, but realized James had just passed it to me. He gave me a strange glance. I wasn't following any of the plays, I was just scoring for myself.

"Wood is on fire today - she's scored over a hundred points herself - " George said as I just scored another one, waiting for Al to catch the snitch. It felt like the longest game ever - maybe because I was doing everything or maybe because it took forever for Al to catch the damn snitch!

"Wood, come on!" Roxanne said to me as I (finally) passed the Quaffle to her. "I really - "

"ALBUS CATCHES THE SNITCH - GRYFFINDORS WIN!"

I should I felt happy. The team should have been joyous, but there was obvious tension as we flew down from the sky to celebrate. I didn't feel like it at all.

It was my fault, I realized as I pushed past throngs of people being congratulated. I looked desperately at all the faces, scared to look at every one because they weren't my dad. I looked all around but I knew my dad wouldn't be there. Despite knowing that, I stayed until there was little people left on the pitch.

"Good job, James!" I heard Harry Potter and Ginny Potter say simultaneously. "You did great, I'm so proud!" I pushed past them forcefully, just to be a little spiteful. My dad didn't come. Of course, he didn't. I didn't know why I was so hopeful.

I stood on the pitch until it was just me left, and then I walked back to the locker rooms begrudgingly, not ready to meet my team.

"Wood, what the hell was that?" I turned to face my entire team, James leading them with a scowl on his face. "You didn't follow any of the plays or even listen to us! You just scored for yourself and didn't do anything if we passed it to you - you just kept looking over at the stands! What was even so important there?"

"She's deluded, that's what," Theo rolled his eyes before making his way to the showers. Lily followed, as did Cory - who seemed to decide to keep his nosy self out of it for once. It left all the sixth years on the team alone to discuss.

"You're right," I murmured. "I'm sorry." I turned to my locker so Roxanne, Fred, and James couldn't see that my eyes were growing glassy.

"I don't need your sarcasm, alright?" James said, obviously not understanding anything and being the stupid prat he was. "I get you're mad that I'm captain with you, but you don't need to prove that you're better than us - a better player would work with the team! It was really messed up, you yell at us all week to do good and focus and then you do the exact opposite!"

"Yeah, Willow, what was that today?" Roxanne spoke up. "I mean, you kept - " I saw her eyes widen with realization. She knew a little about my life, so I guess she understood once she saw my growing red cheeks and glassy eyes. She whispered something to Fred who simply nodded as if he knew. "Never mind, I get it."

"Get what?" James narrowed his eyes. "What was so interesting about the stands, huh? What was so interesting, more than the game and sticking to the plays that we worked hard on?"

"I told you James," My voice hollow and empty. "I'm sorry." I choked back a sob, wiped my face, and turned to face them. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to do all that, I just really - I - " I felt my voice waver and sound all weepy while tears were pushing to fall out of my eyes. "I just wanted my dad to be there." Once I said that out loud, I felt all the tears crash down right at that very moment.

James' eyes went wide and his ears went all pink while Roxanne shook her head at him.

"You're so oblivious sometimes," Roxanne whispered to him.

"I - I need to go," I heard myself say in a panicked fashion. "I'm sorry, you're right." I rushed through the hallways, and I didn't bother looking back. Maybe my dad was there on the pitch. Maybe my dad wasn't there. All I knew was that Theo was right, I'm deluded. All I wanted to do was go and cry in my room alone.

* * *

 **UPDATE: wow, I'm wild. Three updates in one day.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: A Grand Celebration**

 **(** ** _a week ago)_**

 _Dear Dad,_

 _I know I write you a lot of these, asking you to come to my match, but this time it's one that I really want you to go to._

 _I don't want some response from your assistant, telling me you can't go. I want a real response from you, telling me that you're going to go, and if you really can't go, then I expect a fully written explanation why. I don't have a mom, I just have you - but lately, you've been so distant, I don't feel like I have any parents at all._

 _It's my first game as the captain of the team and it's Theo's first game ever. It'd mean a lot to both of us if you could come. Try, at least?_

 _Love always,_

 _Willow_

* * *

I clutched a pillow to my chest as I stared at the wall on my side, back to the world. Music from the common room party pounded into the dormitory, but I shut my eyes - wishing I could just be one in a world alone. I missed Katie, I missed my dad, and I missed my friends. Taylor and Emma were unfortunately on some special field trip for "smart" students - both very disappointed to miss my first game.

"Willow," Roxanne had told me earlier before going down to celebrate. "James didn't know. You know oblivious he is, right? He felt really bad."

I sniffled before telling her, "I'm fine. And he's right. I'm sorry for letting the team down and being the worst captain ever."

"Willow!" Roxanne sighed. "No one is mad at you. We won! Don't you want to celebrate?"

"Not today, no," I shook my head. "Not in the mood."

* * *

Roxanne came down with a defeated look on her face.

"She told me that she's fine, which I'd believe if she wasn't crying - "

"She's still crying?" They all turned to see David Wood with an agape mouth. "Oh, Godric, that means she's really, really upset."

"It's her own fault though," David's face suddenly had resent written all over it.

"True," Theo said. "She's deluded for thinking he would ever show up." With that, the two left - leaving Roxanne, Lily, James, and Fred shocked.

"They should be more caring," James muttered.

"Well, you should have too," Roxanne shot back. "And she said, and I quote, 'I'm sorry for letting the team down and being the worst captain ever,' - so there's that." She shrugged. "With Willow, you just got to wait it out. She'll be over it in the morning, I promise."

James and Fred looked at each other with worried eyes while Roxanne exited to get a drink and Lily ran back to her friends.

"I'm going to go check up on her." Fred decided. "Let's go, pratface."

"Don't call me that," James snorted.

"Well, you did make a lass quite sad, so I might have to."

* * *

The knocks on my door were loud.

"WILLOW WOOD!" Fred. I didn't want to deal with him today. Suddenly the door burst open and there he was...with James trailing behind him slowly.

"What are you doing on this evening where there is a party celebrating YOU? You're in your room!" Fred took me by the hand and tried to pull me up. "You're going to have a good time!" When he realized I wouldn't get up, Fred called for backup - James - who took my other hand and tried to pull me up with him.

Didn't work. I let out a small laugh over their failure.

"Well, she laughed!" Fred shrugged. "Willow, come on. What's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, Fred, okay? Nothing is wrong, so let's just move on - go to the stupid party and I'm going to stay up here."

"But - "

"Just go, already!" I turned my back to them again. There was a shuffling of feet, murmuring voices and a shut door. I sniffled for a while until a hand was placed on my shoulder that I was not expecting and shrieked when I saw James still in the bed.

"Oh, God," I looked at him in shock. "Oh, my God. Sorry."

"Don't say that," I looked at him in confusion.

"Don't say sorry," He shook his head. "I should be the one saying sorry."

"So, why aren't you?" I asked slowly, sniffling again. James looked at me with his sad brown eyes before sitting down on my bed.

"Get up," James ordered. I shook my head. "Sit up, get up, Willow, I want to talk with you." I reluctantly sat up before resting my head on his shoulder. He looked down at me in surprise but decided to go with it.

"Are you okay?" He said, making direct eye contact with me. "I want to know."

"Yeah," I lied. "I'm doing okay." James smiled at me slightly.

"I mean, it's not the first time this happened." I shrugged weakly. "He didn't come to my first match ever and he didn't come to any of them after. I write to him every single match, asking to go and I get the same answer. Some stupid response written by his assistant who says he's too busy. It's stupid. I don't know why I believed him this time. You know, I finally got an answer from him and he said he was coming and I just looked out and he - " My voice broke off. Why was I even telling James Sirius Potter of all people this? It's almost like he had a magical power to draw this out of me. "He didn't show up and I kept thinking that maybe he was just late so I kept looking to see if he was there and he wasn't and I just - "

"Willow," James shook his head. "I'm really sorry. I didn't know that, and I was just angry, you know? I was acting stupid and selfish, and I really should have understood how you were feeling - I guess I'm just sort of thick sometimes."

"It's alright," I sniffled. "You were right and I'm sorry - "

"Stop saying that," He said angrily. "Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong!" There was silence as we both sat on the bed, motionless.

"Maybe I did do something wrong," I heard myself say just as forcefully. "Because somehow my life isn't as great as yours and there has to be a reason for that." My years of pent up anger and jealously all decided to break tonight because now all my feelings were spilling. I stood up from the bed. "What did you do that I didn't do?"

"What are you talking about?" James looked at me in shock. "Seriously, Willow, what are you on?"

"You get a mum and dad and a huge extended family," I paced back and forth like an insane person. "And they all show up to your Quidditch games without you writing to them and they've showed up to every," I spat out. "Single. One."

"You get kisses and hugs when you leave and kisses and hugs when you come back. You gets letters weekly and you don't write back most of the time. You got Quidditch captain somehow and I honestly thought that was the only thing I had over you and now you have it too, so now you're better than me and I'm not and I don't get any of that!" I was talking with my hands as James sat on the bed embarrassed. "We're like the same people," I muttered. "Everyone tells us that! We do the same things, we like the same things, but somehow your life is better! I snog boys and no one likes me! You snog girls and everyone likes you! I don't understand!" I was crazy, going mental as I paced back and forth.

"You have parents that care and love you and cook for you, I want that. You somehow manage good grades without even trying, I want _that_." My voice cracked on that and I turned to face him. "Don't you understand? You have family that loves you, my own brothers don't want to be related to me! They hate me, do you see the way they talk about me? They don't love me like Lily and Albus do you, they just...think of me like everyone else and I wanted that to be different, I wanted them to love me but they don't!" I shook my head furiously. "They don't love me, they don't even like me. They're not even my brothers," I mumbled deliriously. "They're my half brothers. Of course, they don't even think we're related." I looked at James with extreme envy blazing in my eyes.

"You have everything I want," I spoke, every word full of mixed emotions. "That's why I kept looking in the stands today, that's why I was off my game, that's why I hated you from the moment I saw you on Platform 9 and 3 Quarters because you had the life I didn't, and I have nothing!" I took a deep breath. "You're even a better captain than me," I added with fast beated breaths.

"Willow!" James exclaimed, taking my arms in his hands. "You're okay," He pulled me into a comforting hug and I accepted it. I sobbed into his shoulder as his warmth encapsulated me. "You're okay."

"Listen," James smiled without a trace of a smirk and placed his hands on my shoulders, holding me steady. "I can't tell you that I can relate but I will tell you, I'm going to be a lot more grateful for my family. But you've got a lot going for you, Willow. Don't ever let yourself think otherwise. You're not a bad captain, you have your flaws but you own them and your plays are brilliant." This time, my cheeks flushed as I looked down at the ground and at our feet, sharing the same ground. Peace. "You're going to be okay."

And for the first time in years, I felt a small piece of hope glimmer inside of me, slowly crushed by the self doubt that fought back.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: After the Storm**

 **(** ** _present)_**

 _Dear Dad,_

 _You didn't come. Why? I expected you. I don't know why since you never seem to show up._

 _I'm never going to send this owl because I can't. I'm scared. Why am I? I haven't seemed to respond to Katie's letters as quickly or happily anymore. Maybe because she's my mom and she and you both don't know I know._

 _Was your story a tragic one? Or was it a happy one? I guess it's still going on._

 _Love always,_

 _Willow_

* * *

I laid on the floor of the dormitories, wearing nothing but my underwear with clothes scattered around me.

"Help me," I groaned to all the girls. They all offered different choices.

"This navy dress is so cute," Emma said, holding up a sweet looking one - a little conservative but it was cute.

"But she doesn't want him thinking she's a prude," Roxanne pointed out. "This one's nice!" She held up a strapless black dress.

"It's kind of clubby," Taylor butted in with the other roommate, Kelsi Lee who nodded, holding a white off the shoulder dress that gave off the bohemian vibe, which suited her style, not mine.

"This one," Taylor, the one who knew me perfectly, picked up a light pink dress that looked absolutely cute. "is so perfect." She turned it over to reveal a rip near the thigh.

"No!" All of us complained.

It was going to be my third date with Grant, and my second week of being friends with James Sirius Potter. Crazy times, I reckon. And I was going insane. I never stressed like this for a stupid date, but I liked Grant - which also scared me.

"What's up, ladies?" James and Fred barged in, only to see all the girls surrounding the half naked me. Fred looked away and covered his eyes, out of respect for his kinda girlfriend(were they dating?) while James looked directly at me and smirked.

"Nice knickers, Wood," He laughed.

"Shut it," I folded my arms over my chest, but still remained on the floor. "I NEED HELP!"

"For what?" He questioned, before scanning all the dresses. "Oh. Of course. Date outfits."

"Right now," Taylor showed them the pink dress. "We thought it'd be nice but I forgot - "

"That she ripped it during summer," James finished. "I remember that party. You were wild."

"God, shut it!" I felt my cheeks turn bright red. "I need a nice outfit that makes Grant think, wow, she's banging!"

"I can't believe you said that," Taylor muttered.

"Shut IT!"

"Okay, okay!" Taylor shrugged. "How about this one?"

"No, too long."

"How about that one?" James pointed to a white, silk backless dress. "If a girl wore that on a date with me," His eyes seemed to drift off. "I'd think of angels and sex."

I looked at it. It was cute. It was a birthday gift from Katie to me. She said the memories in the dress were full of love and excitement.

"That is really cute," I said more to myself. "You know what, you're right, oh, Godric - I need to get ready!"

I got ready fairly fast, taking my time to carefully apply my eyeshadow and eyeliner just right - making sure every lash was curled to the maximum - my brows, however, were already thick, so I didn't need to do much to it.

"You look great," Taylor assured me. My hair hung in waves and my eyes were smoked. I pulled nervously at the short hem of the white dress while standing in the silver heels.

"Do I?" I bit my lip. "He told me this date would be special. I just - I'm a little nervous and I've never been nervous for a date before - I - "

"Calm down," Taylor smiled. "You're going to be fine. Now, come on, go to wherever he's taking you."

"Alright," I smiled steadily. "Okay." I walked down the steps of the Gryffindor Common Rooms and to the Ravenclaw Common Rooms where I saw James Sirius Potter waiting. Strange.

"Stalking me, now?" I teased. James turned around to see me.

"Willow?" His mouth was held slightly open. "Wow, you look...you look really beautiful," He held me at arms length. "And it's all due to my dress choice!"

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes. "So, do I look bangable?"

"Can't believe I'm using that word, but ye-yeah!" He nodded. "Willow, you look stunning, I'm serious!"

"Thanks," I smiled widely.

"I like your hair all straight better, though," James tugged on my hair gently. I looked at him square in the eye, realizing that from upclose, his face wasn't as handsome as it was beautifully rugged.

"Me too," I smiled. "Grant likes it like this, I think." James smile went away, but he didn't say anything.

"Well," I said. "What do you think of - "

"Willow?" I looked to see Grant, who looked like the normal athletic jock I normally saw him as. He smiled brightly. "Wow, you look hot."

"All thanks to me," James said proudly.

"Yeah, definitely, I owe everything to him," I took Grant's arm. "Let's go?"

"Yeah," He nodded his head.

"Talk to you later, James!" I called out while we walked away, not knowing that James was looking directly at my arse as I walked away with a goofy smile planted on his face.

* * *

"You are really beautiful Willow," Grant told me as we sat on the floor of the Astronomy Tower after Hogsmeade. "You look amazing."

"Thanks," I said happily. "Thanks. You don't look bad yourself."

"I know," He fluffed himself up. Grant was always a little full of himself, I remembered. And arrogant. But that was what I liked in fourth year, and I guess, now.

"So, tonight has been fun." Grant smiled messily. "Willow, I really fancy you. I'm falling in love with you." It was the third date. Granted, we had history, but it was too soon.

"I know it's the third date, but I know you and I know I really like you and - "

"That's - " I tried to choke out words but none came out. This wasn't how the night was supposed to go. This wasn't how anything was supposed to go. "I've got to go." I jumped up and bolted, Grant calling after me.

Why did I stress so much over this date? Because I fancied him. And he fancied me. What was the problem?

I was on my way back to my dorm, when I saw Davie Davies (unfortunate name). He was a heartthrob, only he barely had a brain and was a horrible person. But, in a sense, so was I. It made sense why we were shag partners.

I kissed him, and he immediately wrapped his arms around my waist as I entangled my hands in his hair. We were using each other for sex and I was fine with that - since that's how all of my relationships go.

* * *

"That was nice," He commented as we were both redressing in the broom closet. "This time again tomorrow?"

"Definitely not," I said, catching my breath before sliding on my dress. "That was fun, but I'm not looking for that."

"What?" Davie narrowed his eyes. "Come on, Willow. The entire school knows you're a good shag. You do this all the time for me."

I wanted to defend myself, but I couldn't find the words to say anything. It was better to not take offense than be mad. He was right. I wasn't good for anything but a shag.

"Well, maybe." I shrugged. "I'll let you know tomorrow."

"Sounds good," Davie gave me a smile. "Good catching up with you."

"Yeah, you too," I rolled my eyes. "I've got to go." It was after hours now, and I definitely was not supposed to be up. I crept out of the closet in the Hufflepuff Common Room which was pitch black.

"Lumos," I whispered, exiting the room, before promptly crashing into a dark figure. I opened my mouth to scream but a hand reached out to cover my mouth.

"OH MY GOD!" My muffled scream sounded more like muffled words due to a hand over my mouth.

"Shush," I heard James' voice say. Of course it was him. He was notorious for staying up completely past the curfews. "And what are you doing outside the Hufflepuff Common Room? I thought Grant was in the Ravenclaw house."

"Yeah, it..." I bit my lip. "It didn't work out." It was better to say that then I was a coward and ran out.

"I'm sorry," I didn't even have to see James to know that he was smirking. "But Grant is a bit of an airy prat, isn't he?"

"Yeah," I agreed. "He is. Do you know the direction to the common room because I currently can't see and it's confusing me how you can." James laughed and tossed an piece of fabric over us.

"This is how you see?" I asked him. "Lumos," He said, and we were surrounded by light in the fabric thing.

"James, what is this - "

"Invisibility cloak," He responded off handedly. "You got to squeeze in so you can't see anything." He placed one of his hands on my waist while the other gripped his wand. "The room's this way."

He steered me by the waist, pointing the direction. "So, what happened with Grant?" I rolled my eyes. James and the rest of his giant family were all nosy gits.

"Nothing," I said.

"Something happened, Wood, don't lie to me."

"He told me he loved me."

"And that's bad?"

"It was the third date, James!" I exclaimed.

"Don't you two have history? And shouldn't you be happy he likes you?"

"Not enough for him to say that," I muttered.

"Well," James' breath hot on my neck, he murmured back. "Why were you at the Hufflepuff Common Room?"

"So many questions, Potter," I responded back. "Why so curious?"

"Davies, you shagged Davies."

"What?" I turned around to face him. I immediately regretted that, realizing how close we really were to both fit under the cloak. Our lips were about an inch from brushing. "How - "

"I know Davies' disgusting scent," He replied simply. "And you have sex hair."

"I do not!" I immediately placed a hand on my hair to smooth it out.

"Willow, you shagged Davies?" His eyebrow were shot up.

"Yeah," I shrugged. "I did."

"Why?" I turned back around.

"Just because. It isn't the first time." We were silent for a while until he announced that we arrived at the Fat Lady portrait.

"I thought you two hated each other," The Fat Lady said dubiously.

"Long story," James waved her off. "Jumping Jiggles."

The common room was dark and silent. Everyone appeared to be in bed. I stood at the foot of the staircase, not knowing what I was feeling right now - just confused.

"Have a good night," James told me, and before he headed up back to the room, he gave me a short smile. "You do whatever you want, Willow. I don't control you, but I think you deserve better."

I was even more confused.


	9. Morning Wood

**Chapter Nine: Morning Wood**

 _ **(present)**_

 _Dear Willow,_

 _It's just a few more weeks until you come back for Christmas break! I can't wait to see you. I have the best Christmas gift to give you, you'll love it._

 _I wish I could tell you what it is, but it's a surprise! So, how's your sixth year going so far? That was one of my favorite year, except for the fact I got cursed._

 _Anyways, Willow, I hope you take your time in Hogwarts slowly. It goes by so fast and then you're out in the real world and it's so different. You think that high school boys are bad? Wait until you meet the older kind. Even worse._

 _Speaking of guys, what happened with that Grant guy? You never touched up on him._

 _Love,_

 _Katie_

* * *

Winter came along quicker than I imagined it would be, and the snow piled around the entire school - meaning Quidditch was off. It wasn't extremely pleasant to not be playing Quidditch, but it was a nice break from it all.

"You know," James said to me as we walked to Transfiguration, my personal favorite class. "Grant still likes you."

"Well," I shrugged, pushing back my long hair. "I guess I don't like him." That was a lie. When he walked by me, avoiding eye contact, my heart would skip a beat. When he raised his hand to answer questions, my cheeks would heat up.

"That's bullshit," James stated flatly. "But whatever you say, Wood."

"Morning, Wood!" Fred the Second and George the Second chorused together, breaking into laughter with James.

"That's very original," I rolled my eyes. For the past month, the three of them had been bombarding me with puns related to my name.

"Wood for Wood!" George shouted.

"Oh, my God," My face was bright red now, which was not a good shade, I have to say so myself. "Stop!"

"You shouldn't be mad at us!" George chortled. "Be mad at your dad for having such a name."

I hadn't thought of my dad in a month or so. Maybe I thought about him on sleepless nights, but being reminded of him made my smile slip off my face.

James gave me a strange look before slinging his arm over my shoulder, a new addition to our friendship.

"Let's go, Willow," He grinned. "Class is awaiting."

* * *

"What the hell is this?" I looked down at the current potion on James' side of the desk, that was a magnificent shade of cerulean blue, then back at mine, a gray color. I slumped in my seat. "Why do mine always turn gray?"

"Because you don't know how to mix it right," He laughed for a second - then Slughorn came around with a devious look on his face.

"Miss Wood, what is this?" Slughorn wasn't ever a fan of me, but now he probably despised me after I blew up on him. Speaking of blowing up, my potion didn't do it this time!

"The potion that turns a leaf black, sir," I saluted him to show respect. It didn't work out that way, and Fred doubled over laughing. Taylor and Emma groaned into their hands.

"Let's test it out then," He hissed, dropping a nice green leaf in. The leaf sunk in, never to be seen again.

"It's supposed to do that?" I whispered frantically to James, who shook his head.

"This," Slughorn picked up my viall to show the class. "Is an example of what NOT to do - AH!"

Suddenly, the viall was empty and there was a tiny dragon bursting out of it, chasing Slughorn around.

"Oh, my God," James said under his breath. "Wood, you just made a potion that created a dragon."

"How in the world?" Taylor asked in complete shock.

"WOOD FOR WOOD!" The dragon hit me in the face.

"Ow," I rubbed my face while the dragon fell to the ground and turned into an ashed up leaf.

"Well, I turned it black," I offered to Slughorn, who stared at me in complete and utter shock. "And my potion didn't blow up!"

And just my luck, the leaf blew up, right there and then, and everyone hit the floor, crawling out while Slughorn followed suit.

"Godric," Emma hacked while Taylor wheezed due to having asthma. "Willow, you actually did the impossible."

"Yes, Morning Wood, really did the impossible," Fred said. "You created a dragon out of a leaf that later turned into ash and blew up. It's crazy what dumb luck that took."

"MISS WOOD!" Slughorn bellowed loudly. Everyone winced, ready for the long reprimanding.

"Yes, Professor?" I asked meekly.

"That was - " His eyes were bursting with joy. " - BRILLIANT! How did you make that? Only someone of sheer genius could do that!"

"Or just plain dumb luck," James cut in.

"No, brilliant!" Slughorn corrected him. "That was magnificent!"

I guess the world was going kooky.

* * *

"Morning, Wood," James greeted me during dinner time to prove how dedicated to that joke he was, with a giant grin on his face. "How's the potion master going?"

"Please die," I groaned, slamming my head onto the dinner table. Roxanne roared with laughter while Emma gave me a small little smile of sympathy.

"Hey, Willow," Taylor teased. "Maybe you really are one and Slughorn isn't on crack!"

"Leave me alone," I peeked out through my hands to see James smiling at me with that smile he had always plastered on his face when he found something amusing. "God." I lifted my head up. "Slughorn has lost it. I really thought he was going to yell at me."

"All of us did," Fred stuffed a potato in his mouth. I wrinkled my nose. Gross.

"That's gross," James told Fred through a mouthful of potatoes himself.

"Hypocrite," Fred rolled his eyes. The two began play fighting, so I directed my attention to Emma who was currently playing with her bangs.

"Emma, ever consider growing them out?" I asked her. Emma was a cute girl, with big blue eyes and the classic bangs with her brunette hair that she inherited from her dad, the head of Gryffindor, Neville Longbottom. Some people questioned why she was placed in Gryffindor because of her quietness, but she was really brave, more than me. She was nervous and self doubting, but extremely brave in ways you wouldn't know.

"Of course," She said. "But I like them like this."

"It does suit you, doesn't it?" I asked.

"It suits her perfectly," James exclaimed. I turned to look at him surprised. I didn't think they even talked. "Don't change the bangs, Emma, you know why?"

"I dunno," She blushed.

"Because they look banging!"

"Godric," I slammed my head back down on the table. "That was horrible, James."

"It was amazing," He defended himself. "Now, I've got to go to the library before it closes."

"We have a library here?" I asked confusedly.

"Of course!" Emma looked at me, completely and utterly confused. "How do you not know that? Have you never gone there?"

"This is complete news to me!" I proclaimed. "How did I not know that?"

"Because you're completely oblivious and obsessed with Quidditch," James informed me. "Wanna go with me to see the library in all its glory?"

"No, thanks," I turned to my food but if I were to linger more, I would've seen the disappointed look on his face.

"I'll go," Emma offered. "I forgot to go get a book to help me with the Charms essay."

"Alright, then," He gave her a big smile. "Let's go."

"Have fun you two!" Fred joked before turning to us. "Ten galleons that they're going to snog."

"What?" I looked at him in complete disgust. "Why would you think that? It's Emma and James."

"And they have this whole flirting thing they've been doing for the past weeks!" I frowned.

"Really?"

"Yes," Fred and Taylor chorused together.

"Oh," I shrugged and continued to eat the salad currently on my plate. "That's nice."

"Jealous?" Fred raised both his eyebrows as his freckly face examined mine, which in comparison, made my freckles spread across my nose look puny. "Willow Wood, is it possible you're jealous?"

"I'm not," I scowled. "It's just kind of uneventful news, you know?"

"Really," Taylor nodded. "Willow probably means it. She doesn't care about that." Taylor leaned in dramatically to Fred. "She doesn't believe in love!"

"No!" Fred fake gasped. "Willow, what a cynical life!"

"Shut it," I rolled my eyes. "I've got to go." I got up a little too angrily and walked out. I was pissed about something and I couldn't place my finger on it. Did I fancy James? Of course not!

I still fancied Grant. Well, actually, to think about it, I didn't blush when he answered questions in class or walk past us, avoiding eye contact with me still. I blushed at James' comments, I laughed at _his_ jokes, and smiled at his compliments.

Oh, bugger. I liked my friendship with James. It was fun, it was nice. It made me feel happy. And I was going to run away from him because I liked him and I couldn't let myself get too close to someone.

I knew where Taylor kept the firewhiskey, the one she hides from me. She only broke it out for special occasions - the only rule she broke in Hogwarts. She used to keep it under her bed, but alcohol and me didn't mix well, as shown through fifth and fourth year.

The taste was so familiar. I desperately missed it, it made me numb. It made me feel emotionless so I wouldn't feel my heart skip a beat whenever James came near me.

As I stumbled down the halls, I saw Davie Davies hitting on a redhead whose face I didn't bother to look at. I pushed her back to kiss him.

"Davies, you're so hot," I muttered. Davie looked back at me with a devilish smile, seeing that I was intoxicated. There was a rumor going on that I was wild in bed when drunk - completely false - but he must have believed it.

"Alright, Wil, alright," His hands were paced firmly on my arse while I entangled my hands in his hair. "Let's go, shall we?"

I was all types of drunk: horny, emotional, and lastly, the rare one that comes out when I'm extremely drunk: needy stripper. Right now I was full on horny.

"Yeah, let's," I pressed a forceful kiss onto his lips.

"What the hell?" A familiar voice that made my heart beat faster and a smile to slid on my face. Luckily, when I was drunk - my heart beat fast for everyone and smile was plastered on my face. "Davies, get your hands off her arse."

"Hi, James!" I slurred.

"Are you drunk? You're disgusting," He spat at Davies. "Seriously?"

"Hey, I just wanted to see if the rumor was true," He held his hands up as if he was innocent. "She came on to me!"

"Come on, Willow," James threw a disgusted glare at Davie before pulling me off of him and grabbing my hand. "Taylor's pissed. I'm guessing you were the one that stole her firewhiskey."

"Maybe," My smile slid off my face, getting me to the emotional drunk. Tears sprung out of my eyes. "James, she's probably so mad, I can't go back there!"

I wailed loudly, leading for people to give me judgmental stares. James shushed me, pulling me closer to him.

"Okay, okay, Willow," James gave me an uneasy stare. "Let's just get you back to your dorm room - "

"No," I said through sobs. "I can't go back there!"

"Alright, alright - " He said, saying anything to get me to quiet down so a professor wouldn't catch me and smell the alcohol on my breath. "You can go stay in my bed. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah," I sniffled. "Yes."

"Okay, let's go, just..." He shook his head. "Stop crying? I suck at handling crying girls." I cried silently the next few minutes as we trekked our way to his dormitories where all the boys appeared to be sleeping.

"Quiet, alright?"

"Okay," I giggled, now on the needy drunk side that was dangerously rearing to the stripping part. Once James got us in his bed and drew the curtain - I tore off my shirt.

"Oh, Godric, Willow!" His voice was hushed and embarassed. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," I loudly laughed, draping my arms around him. "Do you fancy me, James?"

He exhaled before performing some sort of charm that sounded like "Muffofuloa" but my ears weren't working right.

"Listen, Willow, you're drunk, so - why don't you just go and sleep?" James shrugged. "And maybe put a shirt on?"

"No, thanks!" I sang out before laying down next to him and snuggling up to him. "You smell good."

"You smell like firewhiskey and cinnamon."

"Thanks."

"Not exactly a compliment." James smiled slightly at me. And that seemed to be the last blurry memory I had, because I woke up the next day in my underwear, entangled with James Sirius Potter.

"Morning, Wood," James smirked at me, as I immediately looked down and saw the star of the show, _the_ morning wood.

"Oh, Godric," I moaned. I had royally screwed up.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Emma and James**

 _ **(found in third year by Willow, written when Katie and Oliver were twenty-something)**_

 _Dear Oliver,_

 _You never replied to me. You've been avoiding me. You've been ignoring me._

 _Why did you break up with me? You never gave me a reason. We fought a lot, we always did but we always made it work in the end. I fall in love too easily, I guess, and I let myself fall for you. Now, I have a daughter who will never know I'm her mother because you want to hide from the rumors._

 _You're being a selfish prat, Oliver. And I want you to know how hard that is for me to write that. I love you. And I always will because falling in love is easy for me but falling out is impossible._

 _I guess I maybe should have been more protective of my feelings. I don't think love is real if it never ends up well._

 _Love always,_

 _Katie_

* * *

Maybe I was being too self conscious over this, but I did not want anyone to know that I had spent the night in a boys bed - much less than James. It gave more reason for people to assume I'm a slag, and I didn't want to be linked to James - a boy who strictly dated beautiful and smart girls that were the definition of good perfect preppy girls. Everyone would talk of how he was downgrading.

"Here's the plan," I whispered to him. "I'll stay in your bed until everyone leaves, and then I'll go to breakfast."

"I mean," He yawned, stretching out. "We'll just get teased if they find out."

"If that's what you call it," I muttered frustratedly, grabbing the sheets to cover more of my body.

"Nothing the whole school hasn't seen before," James crooned to me.

"Shut it," I turned to him with an angry gaze. "Why are you acting like such an arse today?" The smirk on James' face slid off and he stared at me uncertainly.

Waiting for the rest of the boys to wake up and leave was done in silence and excruciating awkwardness. Finally, when James stepped out of his bed, making sure to draw the curtains, he was met with some teasing of boys about his morning wood. I heard them all laugh and then the door shut.

I made sure to wait a few minutes after I was sure they were all gone before crawling out of the bed, grabbing my discarded shirt and skirt on the way. I quickly ran back to my room in a dash, quickly washing my face and cleaning up before walking down to the breakfast hall.

I made my way to the Gryffindor stares, quick to avoid the curious stares they gave me. I stole a look at James who was currently buttering a piece of toast.

"Morning, Wood!" Fred chirped when he saw me. James didn't look up from his bread.

"Where were you last night?" Emma questioned. "You weren't in our dorms."

"Oh, I," I paused. I should have thought this through. "Well, I was at the, uh, - "

"She was in the hospital wing," James said. "She hit her head, so she might be a little fuzzy. I was there when she fell, you know, typical searching during the night and I heard a clunk."

"Yeah," I nodded my head. "Definitely."

"Are you okay?" Taylor immediately put a comforting small hand on my arm. "You're good, right?"

"I'm fine," I said, taking a blueberry muffin for myself, avoiding the suspicious stares I was receiving from Fred.

"Well," James got up. "Wanna go to Advanced Herbology, Em?"

"Em"? What was this?

"Yeah, sure," Emma smiled. I looked down back at the muffin, suddenly not as hungry as I was a few seconds ago.

"Well, we have our normal Muggle Studies class unlike the two smart gits that just left," Fred smiled slightly. "So, shall we go?"

I got up reluctantly to walk to class with him.

"I know what's going on," Fred wagged his finger at me. "I know exactly what's going on between you and my dear cousin."

"What are you talking about?" I rolled my eyes. Maybe playing dumb would work.

"I know that you did not fall down the stairs," The freckly boy said. "You spent the night in James' bed. I hope you know that I always stay awake at night because I have terrors of the dark. Long story."

I looked up at the ceiling.

"Willow Wood," Fred smiled devilishly. "You spent a night in James Sirius Potter's bed doing God knows what, and all I know is that James walked out of his bed wearing nothing but his little boxers with a party down there."

"Godric," I felt my face turn completely red. "We didn't do anything, I was just drunk and guys get that all the time!"

"Yeah, but there was obviously a reason behind this," Fred tittered. "You were there. He got horny."

"Honestly, Fred," My face stony and eyes set straight on the ceiling. "I don't want to hear this."

"You know, Willow," His face took on a serious look. "Do you fancy James? Because he fancies you. I don't think he knows it yet," Fred shrugged as my heart beat faster and faster. "But I can see he fancies you."

"You're wrong," I said, lying to myself, and Fred. "He doesn't like me, he wouldn't. I'm not his type." I laughed. "He likes girls that are really gorgeous, but like in the way they don't know - and trust me," I smiled mischievously. "I have enough confidence for two people."

"I don't think you do," Fred said simply before walking into the class. "Besides, James never acted the way he does around any other girl he fancied before you. That's all you need to know."

I bit my lip, wondering what Fred even meant by that.

* * *

Going to Charms was my favorite class. Not only was it the one subject I excelled in, but everything about it fascinated me.

"Alright, so can anyone tell me about the trick for nonverbal charms?" Flitwick waddled around the room, pointing at me. "Miss Wood?"

"Mental focus and practice," I responded quickly.

"Correct!" He grinned. "And does anyone want to try out a harmless nonverbal? Miss Wood?"

"Not today," I apologetically smiled. My mental focus couldn't be on a spell, since my mind kept coming back to what Fred said to me this morning.

"Mr. Potter? How about you?" Flitwick raised an eyebrow at James, who seemed to not be listening at all.

"Uh - " James looked up with widened eyes. "I'm so - sorry, I wasn't listening." Fred snickered while writing something on a piece of parchment.

"Then you probably wouldn't have the focus to demonstrate a nonverbal - "

"Shut it, Fred!"

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, Professor," James stood up angrily and stormed out of the classroom abruptly. I stared at his retreating back while Fred slumped in his chair, looking upset. Flitwick cleared his throat, obviously confused about what had happened.

"Go after him," Fred whispered to me as Flitwick moved on, writing on the board now.

"What?" I whispered back. "No!"

"Do it," Fred glowered. "Come on, do it."

"Why?"

"Please," Fred begged. "He's mad. And sad. Just, go. Make him smile or whatever, he's in a bad mood."

"But - "

"Just go after him, I know you want to." I looked down at the ground. He was right, I really did want to go chase after him and instead of sitting in my seat and wondering why he was so upset. I got up from my chair. Fred let a small cheer of excitement as I exited the room to find James.

Walking down the halls like a dumb girl that was searching for the boy that will indefinitely break her heart was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. I was an idiot, but I couldn't help myself.

"Willow?" James asked, sitting down on the hallway. I dropped down to sit next to him.

"What's up?" I smiled. "How's your day going?"

"Yeah," He rolled his eyes. "You're wondering why I ran out of Charms and yelled at Fred."

"Maybe just a little," I admitted. "You kinda made a big scene."

"No reason," James smiled. "I just was annoyed about something stupid."

"Is it something with Emma?"

"What?" James looked at me in shock. "What are you talking about?"

"Listen, if Emma says no to you, it's really because she's a little insecure so she doesn't think that - "

"Willow, I didn't ask Emma out, I don't fancy Emma, she..." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously while his ears turned red.

"Really?" I cocked my head to the side. "But she's your type, James, she - I don't know, wears those cute cardigans on Hogsmeade days, she smiles really nicely whenever you compliment her and you compliment her, James! And you - you like her."

"I don't," James' face was now turning red. "I - don't know why you'd even think that."

"But she's exactly like all the other girls you dated," I said. "She's...like, beautiful, and she's smart, and she - "

"I don't like Emma, Willow, I don't want to date her and I don't want her, I want y - " James shook his head. "Maybe my type has changed, alright, Wood?"

"I - " James' eyes burned into mine, and I realized that he was extremely angry. "I - I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get mad, I'm just not in a good mood."

"It's alright," I smiled weakly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"That's a lie." I looked at him before continuing on. "I think I know you well enough to see when you're mad about something or upset and you are, so just...if you don't want to tell me what's wrong, then don't but ple - "

James cupped my chin and pressed his lips against mine. My eyes closed automatically and I realized that James Sirius Potter was kissing me. And I was kissing him back. And I was enjoying this because I had wanted this for a while now.

Maybe a kiss was needed to get James out of my system. Maybe it wouldn't escalate into wanting more of him, because I didn't want to want more - that meant a relationship where he was in position to break my heart and leave me broken. But all I could feel was that I wanted more. I wanted him.

"I'm sorry," James broke away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that - well, I did, but I - Pretend it never happened, alright?"

"I - " I touched my lips with a stunned expression on my face while James ran away. What had just happened?


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: Christmas Break**

 _ **(present time)**_

 _Dear James Sirius Potter,_

 _You are formally invited to Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley's wedding on December 26th. We hope you could make it and will enjoy the day with us. You can bring one guest, but make sure to RSVP to this letter._

 _Love,_

 _Teddy and Victoire_

* * *

"DOES ANYONE WANT TO BE MY DATE FOR TEDDY'S WEDDING?" James called out in the Great Hall. Peals of laughter filled the room while hushed whispers of girls' lusting over James went around.

James made eye contact with me, before quickly looking back down at his food and eating the dinner on his plate.

"Were you invited?" Taylor asked me.

"No," I shook my head.

"Neither was I, but Fred's taking me as his plus one," Taylor shrugged before eating a forkful of mashed potatoes.

"I was invited," Emma offered. "I might not go, of course, I mean - "

"Hey, Emma," James interrupted her rambling while I stiffened, quickly stuffing a piece of meat in my mouth. "Taylor. Uh, Willow, could I talk to you in private?"

I immediately choked on the meat I was eating, making the most unattractive face in the history of ugly faces.

"Oh, God," Taylor face palmed while Emma let out a series of nervous giggles.

"I - " I coughed, taking a huge gulp of water. "Yeah, sure."

"Alright," He blushed, taking me by the hand. "Let's go." We made our way to the hallways where James nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

"I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to Teddy's wedding with me. As a date. A friendly date."

"A friendly date?" I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by - "

"I mean that it's date that we go together as friends, but not really," James stated, with a small smile creeping on his red face. "I kissed you, Willow, and I'm sorry for that if you didn't like it, but I want us to go on a date. As friends that might not be friends anymore and become in a relationship. Unless you're not into that, then we'll go on the date as friends. Is that alright?"

My heart skipped a beat, I cursed myself for feeling that type of way. My heart was supposed to keep beating normally, because I didn't feel that way about him.

"I - " I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I was who I was, and I saw love hurt my mother who still is reeling from the romance that happened. "I - " My main mind set was to avoid love at all costs. I couldn't become my mom, I became my dad who seemed like he didn't care about the stupid romance like Katie did. Whenever I found a boy that I knew I could fall for like Katie did for my dad, I ran away from them. I didn't want to run from James. He was my friend and I liked our friendship. I'd miss it too much if I was to reject him - but I couldn't let myself get hurt.

"I'm sorry, I - " I heard the words fall out of my mouth.

"Oh," I saw the excited look on James' face turn into disappointment. I gave him an apologetic look, but somehow this time was different than the others. Sure, the same sad look on the faces was there, but it was a different feeling for me. I always felt guilt when I ran away from the boys that could hurt me, but this time I felt not only guilty, but sad and regretful. "Okay."

"Well, I - it's really not you, just...I'm a waste of time, I swear," I tried to smile. "I don't really do relationships, you know that, James."

"I really didn't," He murmured. "I was just...You deserve so much better than those assholes you hang around with!"

My head snapped up in confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about James?" I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that Davies, Manet, you're better than them! They don't deserve you."

"James, it's my choice."

"And you chose to give yourself away to assholes with nothing positive to give you?" He laughed bitterly. "Willow, I don't understand you. I like you. I - I'd like to think I'm better than the assholes you seem to date, and I know you like me, so why the hell won't you - "

"Because I - " I don't deserve James. I don't. I never will and never will be able to date a boy like him. "Maybe I don't deserve you."

"Willow - " James looked at me up and down. "Look at you. You're beautiful, so beautiful and so funny and charming - I don't - you're worth everything. I'd give up everything just for you."

"James..." I looked down. "I'm sorry." I heard him leave, spewing a few curse words out. The guilt in my stomach was not nearly as large as the regret I felt. I wanted to call out his name and tell him to wait but I couldn't let myself get harmed ever.

I wanted to be safe.

* * *

At the train, my brothers avoided me, even when I tried to talk to them. Normally, Theo and David avoided me at all costs in Hogwarts. I normally wouldn't have taken offense to that, but I was feeling extremely sensitive, which may have not been due to James' recent proposition.

I felt the tears slip out of my eyes fast, but silent ones. I sniffled quickly and tried to do it softly so that no one could hear me. It was the morning of going back to home. I looked in the train's bathroom mirror, using makeup to hide that I was crying.

"Hey," I whispered softly to my friends who were all chatting over there holiday plans. "Um," My inevitable sniffle was loud and made it obvious I cried. "Fred, uh, could you make room?" Fred slid in closer to Taylor who didn't mind as I took a seat next to him. I avoided the concerned looks I got from Taylor and James.

"Alright," Fred nodded his head as I wiped a tear escaping from my eye.

"Actually, never mind, I've - " I got up. "I need to go to the restroom."

In the bathroom, I was free to cry to let all my tears out without anyone watching me. I didn't know what I was so upset about. Maybe it was my brothers, or maybe it was really just James who I was crying about.

The knock on the door was loud and I knew it had to be either Taylor or James. As it turned out, it was James who stood there unhappily with a frown placed on his lips.

"Willow, I'm sorry if - "

"No," I pushed his hand away. "No, I'm sorry, I just can't be near you right now, I don't mean that rudely, I just can't let myself get attached to you, I can't let myself like you - I'm sorry, James, I really am, I've just..." I felt another tear slip out. I immediately swiped it away. "I'm sorry, I truly am, I need to go - "

"Willow, please," James grabbed my arm, spinning me towards him. My heart stopped beating and I took a breath in.

"Wh - What?" My breathing pattern was jagged as I tried not to make eye contact.

"I - " He looked at me with wide eyes, so confused to how I was acting. "Why are you running away?"

I shook my head, full of tears that were ready to spill out.

"I'm sorry, I - " My tears dropped out. "I just...I need to go. I'm sorry, I need to - " The train came to a halt, signifying that we stopped, and I quickly escaped, grabbing my bag and running off the train, not bothering to wait for my brothers. If they ignored me and hated me so much, they could find their own way home.

I was going to my own place. I opened the door to it. The smoke in the decrepit building used to make me gag but now I could handle it.

"Alright, Wood?" A blonde boy named Brent asked me, making my skin crawl.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, wiping a tear off my face. Brent smirked, one so similar to James', I wanted to cry all over again, but my tears couldn't escape when Brent's lips were pressed against mine.

"Backroom," He muttered as we stumbled our way to the backroom.

Maybe this place wasn't the safest or best place to be, but it made me feel better. I was out of any loving environment and a place where no one cared at all. I guess I needed that.

* * *

I found my way home around 3 am in the morning, not really knowing how I got there but knowing that Brent had dropped me off at some street and I hitched a ride somewhere else.

I stumbled up to my room where I saw Theo staring at me.

"Where'd you go?" He asked timidly.

"Not like you care," I slurred.

"I waited for you."

"Oh, so, you're speaking to me now?" I scoffed before walking into my room, about to close the door when Theo stopped me.

"What's going on between you and James Potter?" He asked, a suspicious look on his face.

"Nothing." I said. I took this time to examine my younger brother. He was growing taller. Sure, he didn't look exactly like me - mostly because he took after his mother more, who happened not to be mine. He still had the same smile as me - we all have our dad's smile. His hair happened to be a dark brown opposed to my sandy blonde hair.

"You can talk to me, you know," Theo spoke up. "I know David and I don't show it, but we do care about you. And we've both noticed that you haven't been acting like you normally do." I smiled weakly at my growing brother who seemed to mature a lot more than I ever did. Maybe we weren't the greatest brother and sister relationship to hit the world, but I knew I cared about them - and my brothers did seem to worry when I came home, reeking of alcohol.

"Thanks," I gave him a tight hug.

"Did you go to Brent's?" Theo wrinkled his nose at the smell of weed and alcohol.

"Yeah," I admitted.

"Gross," He made a face. "Clean yourself up, would you? You smell like his flat."

"Yeah, alright," I giggled through the tears that kept escaping from my eyes. "Okay, mum."

"You mean, Katie?" I paused, my mouth dropping open.

"How do you know about that?" I looked at him with wide eyes.

"I found out around the same time as you," Theo informed me. "David found the letters."

"Oh," I sighed in slight happiness that someone knew the secret I've been hiding for years now.

"I'm going to bed," Theo said to me. "Just know that...not everyone can have a Potter family, but we're our own people, yeah? We have our own relationships." He walked back to his bedroom as I laid on my bed, wondering about the words he just said.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve: The Potter's Come To Visit**

 _ **(second year)**_

 _Dear Willow,_

 _I'm sorry for not responding to your letters! I was really busy with work and personal issues. I'm sorry that you never got to know your mom, I never knew it affected you this much until you wrote to me. You know, you may not have a mom, but you still have a family that loves you. I guess that's all I can say since I had a mum. She was amazing, Willow._

 _I miss you like crazy._

 _Love,_

 _Katie_

* * *

The next morning, my dad wasn't home - he didn't leave a note or anything, which probably meant he was working or something along the lines of that. I was still slightly bitter over his abandonment levels this break, but I decided not to make a comment over it.

The door rang, signaling for us to all scream at each other to open it.

"THEO!"

"WILLOW!"

"DAVID!"

"WILLOW!" They yelled together, which was slightly unfair because they always ganged up on me.

"Fine," I groaned, dragging my feet to open the door that revealed none other that Katie, who I hadn't seen since the beginning of a summer. I drew a breath, taking in her identical blonde hair to mine, the green eyes I envied so, and the same pair of pouty lips I possessed. How was I so stupid not to see how similar we looked?

"Katie!" I heard myself squeal as she gave me a long hug, slight wrinkles visible on her face.

"Willow, honey," Katie gave me a squeeze. "I got you and your brothers gifts from France! You're going to love them. And you're still growing!"

She handed me three perfectly wrapped presents as David and Theo bounded down. Like me, they adored her. She was the mother we never had - well, in my case, she really was my mother.

I always bit my tongue around her, I could never reveal that I knew that she was my mother. It was a painstaking secret to keep from her, but I never knew when I should tell her I knew.

"Presents!" David raved, grabbing his greedily. Theo marveled, immediately opening the present.

"Sick!" Theo exclaimed, looking at the watch Katie had given him while David beamed at receiving the same one.

"Go on," Katie smiled at me, I realized she was getting older as well. There was now visible grey streaks in her hair. "Open it, Willow."

"Alright," I bit my lip, opening the gift to find a backless, iris coloured dress. As I held it up, an unfightable grin breaking onto my face, I realized it was a floor length, dress with a deep v neck line.

"It's stunning," I whispered.

"I got it for you in Paris," Katie smiled. "Save it for a big event."

"Yeah," I giggled before throwing my arms around her. "You're the best!"

The door creaked open to reveal my father with a familiar looking platinum blonde draped over his arm. Katie took a glance towards them before staring back down at the ground.

"Oh, hi," The blonde crooned. "I'm Rena Dadies." And that's when everything made sense, Rena Dadies was the woman who tried to steal me from my dad a long time ago when I was five or so. She was insane, somehow believing I was her daughter due to a memory spell gone wrong. The question was why was my father with her?

"Uh, we know," I bluntly stated. "Why is the crazy woman in our house, dad?" My dad looked completely distracted as he was currently staring at Katie with a dumbfounded look on his face.

"Kates! You're back," He said slowly before giving a hug. "I missed your medical skills for our team!"

"Yeah," She laughed nervously, her cheeks already pink. I cursed her for not protecting her heart. She was miserable, I just knew it.

"Dad," I said louder this time. "Why is Rena Dadies in our house? She's a proven psycho!"

"I invited her," My dad said. "She's staying with us."

"But - "

"I'll explain it to you later, alright, Willow?" I glowered, knowing that would be never.

"And," He continued. "We're having company tonight. The Potter's." My heart immediately stopped beating and my eyes bulged out. "I know, the Harry Potter, Willow, you do know I used to play Quidditch with him. An amazing Seeker, you know, just a natural talent - the first match he ever did, he - "

Katie coughed loudly, as she was used to speeding him along from the long winded Quidditch conversations.

"I digress," He said smiling. "I invited his family over for dinner tonight. So, I want the lot of you to look presentable. That means - well, you know what that means. Anyways, how are you all doing? Quidditch game is sharp?"

"Speaking of Quidditch," My dad continued. "I'm about to practice. In our indoor pitch, of course."

Yes, my house did have an indoor pitch. You mix money and my dad together and you get a house full of Quidditch.

"I'll go," I offered. "My game hasn't been too great lately."

Theo and David made up excuses because we all knew practices with my dad was grueling. Rena just giggled like a regular insane person would and Katie excused herself, looking quite upset over Rena's presence being there.

I quickly grabbed one of the brooms in our own "Quidditch closet" as we made our way to the pitch inside.

"Alright," And my dad was gone, and now I was facing Oliver Wood, the former Star of Puddlemere and now the hardass coach. "I want you to make all these goals in. If you don't, then twenty times more."

By the time we were done, I was sweat soaked along with him and laughing over Quidditch together. I loved being with my dad. It was like being with myself - only the real problem was that he never was with me. The laughter lasted a few minutes until he left to tend to Rena's needs.

* * *

The dinner was nearing closer and closer as I stressed over my clothing options before deciding on a blue miniskirt with a white button up sweater. I bounded downstairs to walk down into my father and Katie kissing deeply and passionately.

My eyes widened and jaw dropped as I quickly ran back upstairs, deciding to not talk about what I saw.

I learned at a young age, it was better to try to forget what you see - or it gets messy.

"Hey," My dad knocked on my door. "They're arriving soon."

"Great," I put up a fake smile, trying to get the picture of him and my real mother out of my mind. I always knew Katie still liked him. But the fact that I just saw them snogging made me feel like I stumbled upon a pivotal moment of their relationship. Where Katie finally gets unhurt because he fixes her - then crushes her heart later, and the cycle starts all over again.

It seems like just a couple of seconds when I heard the voices of the Potter family. I took a deep breath upon hearing James cheerful voice and I knew it was my cue to go downstairs.

The sound of my heels clicked loudly to the varnished wood, drawing attention to the Potter family.

"Oh, there Willow is!" My dad announced. "This is the Harry Potter - Ginny couldn't make i- "

"Nice to meet you." I noticed to my left was David and Theo, already chatting to a bright eyed Lily. Al and James stood awkwardly near their father, the famous Harry Potter.

I had seen him before, but never this close. I drew in a shaky breath to see the Boy Who Lived. To me, he wasn't the Boy Who Lived, he was The Dad I Should Have.

"Hi, Willow," He smiled. "My name's Harry Potter - "

"I know," I heard myself blurt. "Um, Dad, I - Do you know where Katie went?"

"Katie?" My dad looked at me apprehensively. "Why do you ask?"

"Katie Bell? Do you still talk to her, Oliver?" Harry asked.

"Oh, of course! She's Puddlemere's Healer now, you do know that?" She informed him.

"Yeah, Katie and I occasionally talk." I gave a scowl to my unsuspecting dad who in return, gave me a curious stare.

"What?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"You need to be more careful," I muttered.

"Willow, what are you talking about - "

"Katie." My dad's face turned red. He opened his mouth as if to reprimand me, and I didn't even want to look at how the perfect Potter family were reacting. My dad let out a giant cough before continuing on like he never heard anything. Soon, he had transitioned into a conversation about the good old Quidditch days, leaving Al and James alone with me.

"So," Al rocked back and forth on his heels. "How's school, Willow?" I almost giggled at how awkward it was, but it was too awkward to laugh.

"It's fine," I replied while looking at anywhere but James. Once, I heard my brothers start to chat up Al and leave the room to theirs, I realized it was inevitable that I was going to have to talk to James.

"Um," I looked at him with a slight smile, pretending that he never kissed me. "You want to go to my room? I - "

"Yeah, sure," He responded with the same smirk that he normally would've. I guess he wanted to forget too.

Once we entered my room, he took a seat on my bed while I stood awkwardly near the window.

"How's your break going?" I asked uncomfortably. He shrugged before getting up.

"This is really awkward." He announced. James gave me a quick smile before pacing back and forth. "I'm sorry for causing this to be awkward, I - "

"No, it's - it's alright, it's not that bad." I shrugged before looking down at the ground again. "I guess we - "

"I - " He nodded his head, letting the thought go to silence.

"Fred said that you don't believe in love." He finally said, a random thought that was even more awkward than the conversation before, but it seemed to ease the tension.

"Yeah, no. I don't."

"Why not?"

"That's personal. Why do you care?" I finally said. James gave me a slight nod before sitting back down on the bed.

"I - I want you to be my date for Teddy's wedding." I shook my head.

"I can't do that."

"Listen, you don't even have to look at me that night, you can go be with your friends. I just...I want to get to know you. Think about, would you?"

I gave him a shrug and watched his face go from excited to disappointed.

"I'll show up at your house tomorrow at one o'clock, and if you're not ready, then I'll go alone. But if you're ready and you want to go with me, then we'll go. Does that sound alright?"

I nodded my head, already planning my decision to not go and protect myself when a little something inside me told me to go.

"You're ready," His voice was breathless in surprise the next day as he stood by my door.

"Yeah," My voice came back just as surprised - but so much more terrified.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen: The Wedding**

 _Dear Future Willow,_

 _Don't fall in love. It doesn't exist. And it sucks._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Willow from the Now_

* * *

"This is going to be great," James Potter exclaimed as he wheeled me towards his family members. "I'll introduce you if you want - "

"Maybe la - " I started to say but it was far too late and I was already face to face with his aunt and uncle.

"Nice to meet you," The woman said, who I assumed to be Hermione Granger-Weasley, as seen on numerous chocolate frog cards. Right next to her was a redheaded man who didn't look like James whatsoever, but the mannerisms were spot on. He must be Ron Granger-Weasley.

"Seems like old Jamesie has brought a girl," Ron exclaimed. I felt my cheeks heat up as well as James. We both glanced at each other and he shook his head.

"They like to tease me," He explained as I made my way through the numerous amounts of family. During the entire time, he didn't take his eyes off of me.

"I'm sorry," James exclaimed. "You just look really bloody fit today. I mean, look at that dress and your - "

"Thanks, I - " I was about to give him a kiss on the cheek as thanks but I felt myself being dragged back by Taylor,. She looked absolutely dashing in her pink number.

"Taylor, I - "

"I thought you and James were just friends," She accused me, her eyes traveling up and down my body.

"We are!" I insisted. "Why would you think we're not?"

"Because you're using your trick mating call," Taylor said. I rolled my eyes.

"And what is that?" She pulled me in close, only to whisper, "You're not wearing a bra!"

"That's not for James. Or anyone, for that matter, but myself -"

"Well, he seems to be enjoying it." Taylor added smugly, stealing a glance at the lanky boy. "Wait, Willow. I know that look."

"What look?" I asked innocently.

"You aren't wearing underwear either!"

"How do you know th - " I slapped a hand over my mouth. Taylor sent me a "sly" wink.

"Willow, you must really fancy him."

"I don't." I huffed before crossing my arms over my chest and trudging back to James.

"Why are you standing like that?"

"Never mind it," I let my arms drop to my sides, a cold breeze chilling my entire body.

"Oh, I see." James looked down at me before making direct eye contact. "You should've worn underwear. It's cold." My jaw dropped.

"Shut it, you git!" I immediately crossed my arms back on my chest again, glowering at him.

"It's really obvious now, Willow," He smirked to the fullest. "You could borrow my jacket, but I'm cold."

Chivalry is dead. It's official.

"Anyways," James pulled out a chair for me from a white draped table. "How did you like the wedding?"

"It was sweet," I replied, thinking back on the vows Teddy and Victoire had spoken. "They seem like they're really in love." James' warm brown eyes narrowed slightly.

"I thought that you don't believe in love," He accused.

"Well, I don't believe in it for me." I tilted my head to the side. "I think love is stupid and dumb. I don't believe that I could - you know - be in love with someone who loves me back."

"Willow, who wouldn't love you?" James asked me with surprise.

"Grant, Dave, my dad, my mum, my brothers, all the boys that dated me just to stick their hands down my pants," I looked at him with shaded eyes. "Need I go on?"

"Grant did love you," James pointed out. "You were the one that didn't love him."

"That's debatable," I muttered. "And he didn't love me in fourth year."

"Well, I'm pretty sure your brothers and mum and dad love you. They just don't show it." James tried to offer. His eyes shifted over to my dad talking to an old friend on the dance floor, laughing wildly. He then turned to see my brothers chatting up his sister. I saw his mouth open, ready to ask the question I dreaded.

"Where's your mum?" His look on his face was so pure and innocent, I knew he didn't know.

"I - I don't know." I lied, looking directly at Katie, with my dad's hand on the small of her back. I knew that she probably felt a glimmer of hope with his subtle touches. I knew that feeling well, though I tried to avoid it. "I mean - I - "

"Oh, I get it, I'm sorry," James immediately said. "I didn't mean to prod."

"No, it's fine. I - Never mind." I sighed, placing my head on the table. "I'm so tired."

"Me too." James placed his head on the table, facing mine. "So, how's life?"

I let out a series of giggles, realizing how stupidly funny this was.

"Life is good," I smiled. "You wanna go inside? It's getting cold." James peered over at the dance floor, where the song had switched to a slow gargling one - all the couples slow dancing. He knew the real reason I wanted to go inside George Weasley's mansion. To avoid the slow dance.

"It's going to be worth one slow dance," James decided. I groaned as he pulled me up from the chair, my arms going around his neck - James' hands placed around my waist. Thankfully his hands didn't travel down further. It was a strange feeling, just slow dancing - no extra feeling around or groping like the other boys do with me - just slow dancing, our bodies close and heads pressed together - except my head was practically on his chest. James had grown taller. He probably was still growing - I remember when we were the same height in second year. Then he shot up, now almost a head taller.

"Willow," James murmured. "Willow, we can go inside now. The song is over."

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, okay." I liked it. I liked slow dancing and I liked the way he made me feel and I liked our silence. I liked it. I liked everything about it and I liked everything about James.

* * *

The house was beautiful. It was all white with marble floors and high ceiling with chandeliers. I felt like I was Cinderella in the Prince's castle.

"Nice house, huh?" James commented.

"Yeah, it's nice. And warm."

"Come on," He took me by the arm, leading me up the stairs - the only sound was my heels on the ground and the faint music from outside.

"So," James said as we walked through the hallways. "A lot of the cousins are hooking up in these rooms tonight - they all reserved which ones."

"Slightly strange but also kinda organized, too."

"It is," He agreed. "We're this room." I looked at him in shock.

"What?" I looked at him with pure fear and disgust.

"It isn't rooms just to hook up!" He rose his hands. "And it's my guest room when I stay here - I didn't want Taylor and Fred to shag in my bed, you know? Fred was threatening to do it. It was just to save the bed."

"Huh," was all I could respond. I had nothing to say to that.

"You wanna go in?" He asked with nothing but good intent behind his eyes. I decided to trust him. James held the door open, I brushed past him.

"Willow, you're shaking."

"Am I?" I asked, hearing my voice shake as well. It wasn't because of the cold. It was all because of nerves. I was scared, dead scared. I felt myself liking every single thing James did - making myself capable of love that would eventually crush me. I was terrified to the core.

"Yes," He placed his hands on my arms. "You're cold."

"Yeah, that's what it is," I said as he offered me his coat.

"No, that's fine. I don't want to take your coat."

"Do it for my ego," James urged. I smiled slightly, as he placed it around my shoulders. "Willow."

"James." My heart beat faster each time he looked at me with those eyes of his.

"Thanks for coming." He said sincerely. "I know...I know you didn't want to. But you made me happy. Really happy today. I like you, I do. I really like you, Willow. I like you so much, to the point that I don't want to get to close to you because I don't want to hurt you. And I know that you probably don't like me. Or even care about me as much as I care about you and you don't like relationships but I like you. And that's something, right?"

My heart was practically going 200 beats per second. I felt him step closer to me. My mouth fell slightly open as he stared back at me, waiting for me to say something. But I couldn't think of anything to say. I was shocked. So, all I felt like doing - all my heart was telling me to - I fell into his face, his arms wrapping around me - my hands on his face. It was burning, it was loving, it was something I needed. It was everything I wanted yet everything that would kill me. I felt his face pull back, breathing heavy and looking at me with concerned eyes.

"Willow, your heart is beating so fast right now," He informed me. "I can feel it. And your legs are shaking like crazy. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm just - I - " I felt myself shake. "I - "

"You're not scared, are you?" His eyebrows rose.

"I mean - " I felt my cheeks flush. "I just don't want to be hurt."

"Don't be," James muttered before kissing me once again. "I'm not going to break your heart, Willow. I promise."

And so I believed him. Well, I tried.

"Sorry." James said, running his hand through his already messy hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make things weird. I just - "

"No," I smiled at him. "I like this. I like it. I've never really done this before, but I like it."

"I'm glad," He smiled, sitting back down near me. "You're really cool, Willow. I can't believe it took me this long to realize it, but you're great."

"You too," I felt his hand rest on mine and I rested my head on his shoulder. "You're pretty great yourself."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen: Aftermath**

 _ **(found in third year by Willow, written when Katie and Oliver were twenty-something)**_

 _Dear Oliver,_

 _I guess I must have done something wrong. You don't talk to me anymore. You just avoid me at all sight. And I know I should be mad at you. Leaving me pregnant and alone with no help._

 _I should be mad at you, but I can't be. Oliver, I want you back. You promised me you would never leave me stranded, but here I am._

 _Why should I bother with love if love never finds me?_

* * *

After the night with James, I found myself awake in his bed, lying next to him. Granted, my memory of last night was still intact - so I was relieved to find James and I had not done anything I would've regretted. Well, not fully regretted.

"Morning," James stretched out before turning to face me with a grin. "How's it going?"

"Fine," I smiled slightly, pulling the sheets over my mostly bare body. In some of the events that happened last night, my dress had laid discarded on the ground and I wore sheets and heels. "You have any clothes I could borrow?"

"Yeah, here," He tossed me a shirt. I quickly pulled it on, trying to think if we did anything. I was 99 percent sure that all we did was kiss and cuddle.

"We didn't do anyt - "

"Yeah, we didn't," He chuckled. "I mean, you took off your dress because it was 'so bloody tight'. I didn't see anything. Swear on it."

"Thanks," James passed me to the bathroom. Thousands of thoughts raced through my mind. I had never done this before. Stay the night and morning. I always left before the morning came. It was a strange feeling and I didn't hate it completely.

"You don't have to sneak out," He offered to me once he came out. "My family doesn't care if I had a girl over or not."

He's done this before, I realized. Not that I was surprised. Plenty of girls adored James and he wasn't the type to turn down any offer that came his way.

"Oh, yeah, of course," I nodded. "Your parents seem really cool."

"Yeah, they're the best," James opened the door, the light from the hallway practically blinding me. "A fair warning," He added. "Not only is my family down there, so is my uncle and aunts and cousins. Be prepared."

"They can't be that ba - "

"JAMES!" A shout appeared from Fred Weasley II's mouth. He was grinning hard and his eyebrows were wiggling suggestively. "Is that the one and only Willow Wood next to you?"

"Never mind, forget it," James muttered. "You might be able to handle it but I cannot deal with my Uncle George or Ron." I giggled as he led me back to the room.

"James has a girl?" It was too late. Suddenly seemingly a million redheads were in front of us, grinning insanely. I swallowed my already lost pride and sauntered out to meet the family in only a T shirt that proclaimed James' love for the Holyhead Harpies. Oh, Godric, I probably looked like such a twat with the smudged makeup and messy hair. I found myself ushered from relative to relative - meeting about twenty icons in one day.

"You know," Hugo commented to me when I found safe haven in talking the least nosy cousin, the one that seemed to almost never fit in quite rightly. "James never lets girls wear that shirt."

"What shirt?" I asked dimly. Hugo laughed a little before gesturing to the shirt I was wearing.

"Oh, this one?" I laughed to ease the awkwardness. "Why - how many girls has James had over?"

"Only a few," Hugo insisted. "Not including you, of course. But he always gave them the same shirt. It was his Chudley Cannon shirt Uncle Ron keeps giving to him."

"They used to be a good Quidditch team, but they hit their peak and they fell fast." I said.

"Of course that's what you focus on." Hugo smiled widely. "You know, don't let Uncle Ron hear you say that. He'll pummel you to the ground, kid or not."

"Well, I mean, their plays are weak. The players aren't too bad," I added. "Why would I focus on anything else? So, James gave me a different shirt - "

"That shirt is sacred to him," He whispered. "It's his lucky shirt."

"Oh," I felt my eyebrows raise and heart quicken. "Oh!" It wasn't just that he lent me his lucky shirt - it was that I had the same shirt. A Puddlemere one, vintage, from back in Katie and my dad's days on the team. It was MY lucky shirt.

"Didn't mean to freak you out," He apologized. "I've got to go." I watch him walk back to his own girlfriend, a pretty dark haired girl. They seemed completely and fully in love. Everyone knew the story of them: been together forever. I guess that would be nice. It'd be lovely, but I knew I was never going to get that.

"Hey!" James reappeared at my shoulder, his hair messier than it was before and his smirk was more defined. His hand met mine. "Listen, I want you to meet someone." Before I knew it, I was being pulled towards his parents. I had only talked to Harry Potter briefly, but his mother - I had never met her. Sure, Harry Potter saved the Wizarding World and all, but Ginny Weasley was my real hero. A strong female chaser for the Harpies. Now that - that was admirable.

"Mum, this is Willow." James gestured awkwardly to me. I was in presence of a Quidditch legend. With her blazing red hair and smile that resembled one of James Potter. Harry Potter stood next his wife, smiling back at me. "You've already met Willow, dad."

"I didn't realize she was your girlfriend, James - "

"Oh, we're not dating," I heard myself say. James shot a glance at me quickly before nodding.

"You know, I used to play for the Holyhead Harpies," Ginny said.

"Oh, I know," I heard myself gush embarrassedly. "One of the best Chasers they've ever had."

"I take it you're a fan?"

"No, she's a fan of Quidditch overall," Harry Potter informed her. "Her dad is Oliver Wood."

"Oh, that explains so much." Ginny smiled. "You have his passion for Quidditch and his eyes. Who'd he end up with anyways?"

"A lot of women," My voice came out a lot more bitter than intended. "But it all ended."

"I always thought he'd end up with Katie Bell," Ginny reminisced thoughtfully. "Harry, remember them? They were so cute together in high school."

"Katie Bell - " Harry processed. "Doesn't he still talk to her?"

"Oh yes," I forced a smile. "They're best friends." James sensed my discomfort.

"Dad, Willow and I, I'm going to take her home. If that's fine with you."

"It's fine with us," Ginny said. "Just be back in time for the dinner with your uncle!"

"Which one?" James muttered on our way up to his room. "Well, that somehow went well," James said when we arrived at my house. "You survived my crazy family."

"They weren't that bad," I smiled. "They loved me. Even though I'm pretty sure I flashed a few of your cousins."

"They wouldn't mind," James laughed. "Especially Louis. He's sweet, but a perv." I giggled slightly before giving him a quick hug, taking in his scent.

"Thanks for the night," I said. "It was fun."

"Sure thing," He nodded his head. "I've got time to kill."

"Is that your way of inviting yourself in?"

"Maybe." James shrugged. "Hopefully your dad doesn't mind."

"He's probably not here anywa - " I opened the door of the house to reveal Katie, makeup smudged just like mine - and my dad by her side.

"Katie?"

"Willow?"

"Oliver Wood?"

"Harry's son?"

"What are you doing?" We all asked at once.

"Uh, I'm - we're - " James struggled to come up with an answer. "Just hanging out."

"Me too," Katie added. "Just, uh, hanging out."

"Sure," I raised my eyebrows. "Come on, James, let's go."

"Wait - " I heard Katie's suspicion rise from my many letters detailing how much I loathed James Potter. "Is this - "

"Come on, James," I said more urgently, pulling him quickly and fastly to my room.

"Wait, Willow, was that the Katie Bell my parents were talking about?" James asked me.

"Yeah, the one and only." I shrugged. "Come on, my room." I pulled him tighter this time, practically dragging him down the hall to my room. As soon as we got in, I slammed the door and threw off his shirt.

"Here," I threw it back at him. His ears turned red at the sight of exposed skin. "It's yours anyways. Heard it was lucky."

"So, uh, are your dad and Katie dating?" James questioned, changing the subject quickly, as I tied my hair up hastily.

"No," I shook my head.

"Did they date?"

"Uh huh."

"So, are they going to date again?"

"Probably not. Love is for suckers. And unfortunately, only one of them is."

"Which one?"

"Guess."

"Your dad?" I scoffed.

"Definitely not."

"So, then Katie."

"You guessed it."

"You know, Katie kind of looks like you."

"Funny you say that," I said, turning back to face him - now fully dressed and makeup free. I watched as realization dawned on James' face. Shadows of doubt also seemed to fall over, so he bit his tongue back.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Forget I said anything, alright?" I offered him a weak smile. James looked slightly confused.

"Sure, whatever," He shrugged. "What's up with you?"

"What do you mean?" I looked at James. He had barely polished up, but he still looked good. He was that effortless type of being good looking. The whole messy hair worked on him. All the girls in my year had been madly in love with him our first year, and I had, yes, been under the influence of a James Sirius Potter induced crush - but that was back when I was like all of them, measuring our rack with pencils and putting on makeup we didn't know how to use. But that was before I met Christina Evans, the older fourth year, who taught me what a push up bra was and smoky eyes.

"Nothing." I wondered if me fancying him now made me back into everyone else. "Just nothing."

"I know that's a lie," James told me. "Come on, Willow. You can tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong," I said. "I really mean it." And I wasn't completely fully lying. With James - I felt right.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen: We're Something**

 **( _first year)_**

 _Dear Katie,_

 _I got asked out on my first date! His name is Caden and he's so sweet. I hope we hold hands and he takes me to a nice restaurant. He also should bring a gift. I deserve at least one, I suppose. Anyways, I've got to go. I'll tell you how it goes!_

 _Love,_

 _Willow_

* * *

Winter break was spent all with James. I wasn't the type of girl to spend all her time with her boyfriend or whatever James and I were, but with him, everything was different.

"Excited to go back to Hogwarts?" Roxanne surveyed on the way back on the train. Everyone practically groaned in unison.

"Never remind me." James told her.

"You two look comfortable," was her response, her eyes scanning over my head on his lap and his arms draped over me.

"Yeah, we're pretty comfortable," He responded. "I guess. Are you?"

"I'm good the way I am - "

"Are you two dating or not?" Roxanne demanded, her thick brows arching up and brown eyes bulging. I immediately felt my face start to flush, and without looking up, I knew James' ears were bright red. I shot her a glance and coughed loudly.

"Sorry," She hissed. "I just - well, we all are wondering. You two are just so close and you - "

"We are close," James said. "Is it making you uncomfortable, Roxy?"

"Kind of," Roxanne muttered. Taylor giggled at the awkwardness of it all while Fred cast longing gazes her way. Apparently, those two weren't "exclusive" yet. Kind of like James and I. I sat up with the realization of the fact that James was not MINE, not someone I controlled - he was free.

"She's my girlfriend, Roxy," James added, like an afterthought that popped into his head. I felt my heart beat slightly faster before deciding that I was happy with this news. I gave him a tight lipped smile, he looked my way for a second before turning his attention back to Fred, discussing the latest Weasley's Wheezes product.

* * *

The world was going faster than I could go, and it was hard for me to catch up. James Sirius Potter and I were not just co-captains anymore or friends or enemies - we were Hogwart's newest couple. An odd match, apparently, but him being off the market somehow made him 10 times more attractive to all the other girls.

"Willow," Taylor quickly took a seat next to me, her skirt playfully flouncing around her pale, abnormally long legs. "Why didn't you tell me about you and James?"

"What about us?" She gave me a tilt of her head and a look.

"Alright, alright," I moaned. "Technically, we never really clarified what we were so I didn't exactly know if we were, you know, together or not."

"Look at you!" Taylor giggled. "Being all relationship and couple worrying about!"

"Taylor, that's not a real thing," I said with a roll of my eyes. "I just like him. That's all there is to it."

"Willow, you like him!" She teased, stretching out the words. "You liiiiiiikkkkkeee him." I felt my face turn bright red, people's faces turning to see what Taylor was talking about.

"Oi, shut it!" I snapped. "It's not like it's serious or anything."

"What's not serious?" James Sirius Potter sat down next to us, slinging his arm around me.

"Nothing," I lied. "Just a homework assignment."

Taylor shot me a glance. I simply shrugged in her direction.

"Speaking of school and stuff," He muttered in my ear. "You wanna blow off Potions? Come over to my room so we could see each other naked?"

I bit my lip, smiling slightly at his flirting. Potions was my worst subject since first year. I had always been bad at it - I could've dropped it sixth year, but McGonagall told me that because I did so poorly in it, I had to take another year to fully understand it. It was a class that was necessary to go to.

"Um, yeah, sure," I decided. I didn't need to go that bad. I was smart enough. "Sure."

"Brilliant," He grinned, giving my arm a quick squeeze. "Let's bounce."

"Alright," I gave Taylor a small wave, as she cast a look towards our retreating forms.

* * *

James and I were practically the same, according to our friends. We had the same personality - the same competitive spirit and impulsiveness - the same type of humour(immature). Of course, I saw the differences. James had the type of obliviousness to him that I didn't possess while I was more practical than him. And the biggest striking similarity was our track record of useless flings with random boys or girls, respectively. Our taste was different - he resorted to dating preppy girls with nice cardigans and I dated boys who had a reputation of being assholes. That was the difference, yet we ended up together.

But all these differences and similarities made us blend into one perfect hook up. As he kissed my neck, I wrapped my legs around him, hands scratching his back. There was something else in him that I liked - he never hesitated, but he never overstepped either.

"Well, that was a good session," James said, tossing on his jacket. I hummed my agreement while smoothing down my skirt and readjusting my tie.

"Yeah," I agreed. "It was. Again, tomorrow?"

"You know it," He fiddled his eyebrows. "Maybe next time, we will - "

"JAMES SIRIUS POTTER!" Fred burst in through the door, and upon seeing me, his eyes wide.

"See, I came in here to ask why you missed Potions, but now I see the reason why." James' ears turned to the same shade of red it always was - which was strange that it is always the same exact shade. "You guys didn't do..." Fred searched for the right words to use. "- that," he decided upon, "in this room?"

"No, we didn't," James denied. "Just, you know, some other stuff." And it wasn't a lie.

Fred looked disgusted, his freckled face turning red and his mouth curving into a grimace.

"You two are disgusting," He said. "I'm leaving."

"He's touchy," James explained to me before pushing on his shoes. "Quidditch practice is starting soon, right?"

"Right," I said. "We should start planning it. Together, I mean, if we're co-captains. I already started but - "

"So did I." He laughed. "We're so similar," James said. "Yet we hated each other for a good amount of time."

"Maybe because we hated ourselves," I thought. It was a thought that was supposed to be silent. It was a thought that you were to shove away in the back of your head. If James is having a bad day and feels bad about himself, would he hate me?

"What?" James' boyish smile erased the thoughts. "You're crazy, Wood. Come on, let's go to the library to plan."

"I've never been to the library," I mused, still thinking about that thought.

"Be prepared to have your mind blown, then."

* * *

The library was not that incredible. It made me uneasy. The silence in it, the people studying so intensively, the people reading with their sophistication. I felt out of place, like a book on a bookshelf that didn't fit in.

I forgot that, unlike me, James was actually smart. He got good marks, whilst I got below average and average ones.

"Okay, so what we need to work on is getting the team synced up," James said. "Theo and Fred don't pay attention. Especially Theo."

"Yeah, he doesn't have good listening skills," I agreed. "And Fred doesn't help that with his constant joking. So, we can just do some high intensity practices."

"Okay, and for us and Roxanne, we're fine. I just think Roxanne needs to work on her grip, but otherwise, we're the strongest group on the team." I nodded my head, glad he decided to not talk about our last - unfortunate - match.

"I think Cory needs a lot of work," I said. "Albus is fine, he's a genius on his own. But Cory, he needs help. We can practice with him individually."

"Alright," James nodded. "I think we got it."

"Cool," I nodded back at him. "Can we get out of this library please?"

"You don't like it?" His face fell the ever so slightly. With a single nod of my head, James rolled his eyes. "Why not?"

"Because it makes me feel weird," I said, rising out of my chair. "Can we go?"

I guess that was when I should've noticed James' hurt face. I guess that was when I should have retreated and ran back to my room and said my heart was off limits and I was just protecting it, but I didn't do any of that. There's moments in your life where trouble starts, and this was it. I should've known better. I should've known a lot better.

* * *

The months flew by until the Gryffindor-Hufflepuff match. We didn't practice too much for it - James had insisted they were the easy team. The rest of our team agreed, I mean, Hufflepuffs! They were a joke.

"This is the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor match, the Gryffindors set to win by a landslide," George Jordan's voice echoed out the stadium, boosting our team's confidence.

Once the game started, I had the Quaffle, passing it to Roxanne, flying out of the way from an accurately aimed Bludger. So, the Hufflepuff Beaters were good. That's fine, our Chasers were better.

"GRYFFINDOR SC - BLOODY HELL, HE BLOCKED IT!" Even McGonagall was too shocked to scold Jordan's use of language. My mouth dropped open, as did the rest of my team. I exchanged a glance with James who merely shrugged. Their Keeper was good, that's fine. It's not like their Chasers would be good.

"HUFFLEPUFF SCORES!" George Jordan's shocked voice brought me out of my deluded fantasy. I was offguard. It's not like their Seeker was any good. If we scored enough, then Albus would catch the snitch and we'd win.

But their Keeper was impeccable. It was like nothing could go through him. We only had scored once opposed to the supposedly "joke" of a team, Hufflepuff's many, many goals.

"The snitch has been spotted - HUFFLEPUFF CATCHES IT!" I nearly fell off my broom - but James actually did. A giggle rippled through the celebrating crowd - always rooting for an Underdog and always eager for a funny failure. As James laid on the pitch, nothing but his ego harmed, we locked eyes. He gave me a simple nod.

"Next year," I said. And next year brought a whole year of chaos and heartbreak.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen: Captain, my Captain**

 _ **(sixth**_ **year** **)**

 _Dear Willow Wood,_

 _We are pleased to inform you that after very diligent consideration, Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry has appointed you Quidditch Captain of Gryffindor this coming year. I hope you take the responsibility and win for your house._

 _The badge is enclosed._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Minerva McGonagall_

 _Hogwarts Headmaster_

* * *

"Next year, you won't be captain." McGonagall's lips moved slowly, as if she was telling me the worst news of my life. And she was.

She had asked me to come into her office for a sitdown chat - I had thought she was just talking about Quidditch logistics or my grades - but never this! I felt my bottom lip start to tremble and my eyes grow bigger.

"What - What do you mean?" I stuttered. "Headmaster, I can't not be the Captain next year, the whole team needs me - "

"I'm sure James Potter will do a fine job, Ms Wood."

"But Headmaster, I need to be Captain - "

"You will not be permitted to play as well," She said very slowly again, in the same sympathetic tone. I felt my eyes turn glassy.

"Why?" My voice broke and I felt myself get red in the cheeks - the kind of red that stems from anger.

"Your grades in Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, Defense Against Dark Arts, and Potions have been below average for a long time, but you have scored very low. The only classes you are doing good in are Herbology, Transfiguration, and Charms, and those grades are not the best your teachers think you can do. I have talked to your teachers, Willow. They all agree that this is the best path for you. We want you to succeed here, but you are failing these classes." My entire face was red now and she was blurry with all the tears covering my eyes. I wanted to tell her that I knew this, but I couldn't not do Quidditch.

"My best path - my best path is Quidditch." I told her. "I can't - I can't not play Quidditch and - and...Headmaster, I just - I'll work at my grades, I promise, I just - "

"This was difficult for all of the teachers here, Willow. We just all believe it is the best for you."

"I - " The build up in my eyes all dropped down and tears were dripping down my face. "You can't do this. You can't. I - Quidditch is my life, you don't understand."

"I'm very sorry. Unless you get your grades up by the end of the year, then this is the path we're going." I couldn't even look at her. In a flash, I was angry. I was mad at my teachers, I was mad at the Headmaster, but most of all, I was mad at myself for being so stupid. I was dumb, and everyone knew it. I never understood anything that teachers would say.

"What am I going to tell my team?" I asked her, finally looking her in the eye. She looked just as stern and firm as she always did. "I can't believe you'd do this to me." With that, I stormed out of her office, not realizing that she too, was crying silently.

* * *

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day. Most people had figured it was drama with James, but that was none of my worries.

I needed to find a way to change the Headmaster's mind, but I couldn't. I might as well drop out of school and nothing would matter. Didn't Harry Potter do that? Granted, his reason was fighting the Dark Lord, but still.

Speaking of Harry Potter, I decided I needed to tell James. He would be the first I would tell - I owe it to him to be honest.

Once submerging from my room, I realized I had missed dinner.

"Why weren't you at dinner, Willow?" Taylor asked me so nicely and kindly that I just wanted to cry into her arms. Fred stood by her side, silent and not smiling like he normally would've. I knew everyone must have been talking about my redrimmed eyes.

"I wasn't hungry," I lied. "Do you know where James is?"

"Uh," She shook her head. "Fred would know."

"Fred," I asked. "Do you know where James is?"

"No." He said quickly and quietly. "I don't." I knew he was lying.

"Fred, don't lie." I told him. "Don't."

"He was worried about you," Taylor said. "He's probably just wandering the hallways for you."

He was worried about me, I realized. The first time a boy actually cared about me. I didn't deserve a boy like James, loyal and sweet, wandering the halls for me. Somehow, just thinking of him made my day better. I decided to search the hallways for him, my mind already thinking of the special corridor that he liked to go.

I made my way down there, hearing his voice - I was right. I was ready to call out his name, declare my admiration for him - but then I saw Her.

Helen was a beautiful girl - a Prefect. She liked wearing her hair in a tight french braid and only mascara on her lashes. Every boy in Hogwarts dreamed of taking her virginity - making her the ultimate Good Girl for everyone. There was no doubt that James would ever turn her down. I just didn't know why she would be so close.

James liked me. Correct? And he said we were dating. Correct? He was loyal. Correct? I felt my eyes burn with tears - just for once, I let myself get hope for a second or so and it was all crushed down because that's how the story goes and that's how it always goes.

I was so idiotic to ever think that a boy like James Sirius Potter would ever like me. I was so insanely naive and desperate to become part of my small fantasy that resided in my head.

"You're really funny, James," Helen giggled. I hated how I seemed to notice everything this time. The corner of her glossy mouth twitched as she ran a hand through his hair. "You look so much better when your hair is pushed back."

"Thanks," I heard him murmur, and as soon as her arms draped over his neck and I saw her lips hit his, my mouth opened, making the worst noise I could've ever had made.

It was that sound, the sad sobbing kind - the one that only comes from a broken heart. I saw Helen and James turn to see me, both eyes wide and guilty.

"Willow - " James came towards me, a look of regret all over his face. I couldn't deal with this. His hands tried to restrain my arms moving up and downwards as I reached for words.

"You said you'd never do this," I told him angrily. "You promised, you promised, James, you told me you - " I pushed him back. "You lied to me."

"Willow, you - you have to listen to me, I didn't - I - it - " He paused, realizing I was waiting for a reason. Any reason that I could believe. Maybe they were just acting - maybe they were just - I would believe anything because I needed to. "I..." His voice trailed off and I realized he had no reason. He didn't care. Everything that I imagined between us - was a lie. He never cared.

"You don't care," I heard myself say. "You don't care - you don't care, you promised me! And I believed you, I believed you!" I said hysterically, tears running down my face. "I can't - I - "

"I'm sorry, Willow. I'm sorry, I lo - "

"Leave me alone," I sobbed. "Leave me alone."

James and Quidditch. I lost both of them in a day.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen: Dear Katie**

* * *

 _Dear Katie,_

 _I know we haven't written in a long time. A long time. It all started when we saw each other, and you had hooked up with my dad, and I had decided to fancy James Sirius Potter. That was the start of not writing. But, my life has fallen apart and I don't care about the awkwardness of writing to you anymore._

 _I am not Quidditch Captain anymore. I am not on the Quidditch team at all. My grades were terrible. My grades - they were so terrible to the point that McGonagall took me to her office and told me that I needed to quit Quidditch altogether to focus on my grades. My future, if you could believe that. I mean, my future is Quidditch. Not books or anything._

 _And I know I'm not smart, and I'll never understand whatever the teachers are talking about. Trust me, I've tried. I always try in class, but it never clicks. Nothing ever clicks for me._

 _If I don't have Quidditch, then what do I have? Nothing. I have nothing, Katie. I don't have anyone._

 _James Sirius Potter, right? Who would've guessed from my thousands of letters to you complaining about him? Well, this year it changed. He was co-captain with me, and he was my friend. Then he wasn't. And he promised me he wouldn't break my heart like my dad did yours._

 _How did it feel to get your heart ripped out like that? I think I now know. I think I hate my dad now that I know how you feel. And I don't get why you can keep loving him like you do, but I guess I do get that. I still want James even though he and Helen kissed._

 _I trusted him, that's the worst part. I fully trusted him. And I thought he was perfect. And he didn't think that about me._

 _I guess I'm just dissappointed overall. I mean, I try to avoid love at all costs so I won't get hurt like you - I don't want to end up like you._

 _And that might sound mean, but I just think that I don't want to grow up and have a daughter with the man who you love - but he doesn't love you and your daughter doesn't know you're her mum. Except, I do. I know you're my mother._

 _Why did you lie to me? Why did my dad lie to me? Why didn't you tell me? Why are we pretending that we aren't connected?_

 _I think the only person I should ever love is you. You would never break my heart, because you know how it feels. Yet, I feel like you have. You have by not telling me that I'm your daughter._

 _Love,_

 _your daughter_

 **A/N: Pretty crazy isnt it? i now just realized that instead of deleting the previous version of this story, i could've just updated that one...which had over a hundred reviews i think and a lot of follows and favorites. i'm kinda mad but here's another update!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen: The Aftermath**

 _Dear Willow,_

 _We need to talk. I don't think I can put into words the things I have wanted to tell you._

 _Love,_

 _your mother_

* * *

My fingertips on the letter were already turning blue with shock. I had sent that letter in a sense of desperation and delusion a week ago. I was a mixture of idiocy and happiness. She had acknowledged that she was my mother! But in another sense, I didn't want to face with the consequences. I didn't. But the main feeling that overcome the rest was anger. How dare she give me a one sentence response. How dare she pretend that she didn't do anything wrong.

"Willow, you've been staring at that letter for so long," Taylor snapped me out of my thoughts. "You gotta eat something."

"I know, I know," I waved her off, stuffing the letter into the pocket of my robe. "I'm going to." My eyes drifted to the Ravenclaw table, where James started to sit more often with Helen.

"Don't stare," Emma reminded me.

"I'm not," I snapped. "I swear. I was just looking that way, okay?"

"Oh-kay," Taylor and Emma exchanged glances that they had been doing more often.

"Stop doing that," I mumbled before pushing my plate out. "I'm not hungry. I have to go to the library."

The library, unfortunately, had become my sanction. I was determined to get my grades up by the end of the school year.

"Do you want me to help you study?" Emma offered. I shook my head. I had told Emma and Taylor in confidence about my situation - but others had soon learned of the news because of my gossiping roommates. I was pretty sure most of the castle already knew.

"Wait, Willow," Taylor called after me. I paused, but only for a second. "Don't let him bother you."

"I'm not." I insisted for the fiftieth time since the breakup. The day after I had caught James and Helen, we had our official breakup. "Are we cool?" James had asked me after he took a seat next to me. "I know you're - "

"We're cool," I stated flatly.

"Then why are you acting so pouty?"

"We're good, James," I turned my head to face him. "Let's move on."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"So, you're just giving up on us?"

"I didn't give up. I don't give up. You were the one that gave up."

"Willow, I - "

"Don't talk to me." I looked at him directly in the eyes for the first time since this week. I saw the dark circles and slight puffiness that matched mine. Somehow, it didn't matter to me. "We're over. Alright? I mean, it's for the best."

And that was a week ago. We hadn't talked since then. I was fine with it. If I didn't talk to him, it was like we never existed. Almost like he didn't exist.

* * *

I took out the letter again in the library. No one was there anyways. It was dinnertime, but like I said, I had lost my appetite for a while.

I reread the short words, wondering what she was going to say to me. What she was going to do.

"James, are you sure no one's here?" I heard the raspy voice of Helen. My heart beated so fast I thought it was going to break into more pieces.

"Why would someone be in the library during dinner?" I needed to hide, but I also wanted to stay. I missed his voice. The slight teasing in his voice, yet the calm part that made you seem sane.

"I don't know," She teased back. "Maybe someone who cares about their grades."

"Then we won't see her here," He quipped and I knew he was talking about me. I knew I shouldn't, but I felt a cough coming up. I tried to stifle it, but that only made it worse - the couple turning their heads to see me.

"You were wrong," Helen giggled before James whispered something in her ear. I looked at both of them before gathering all my stuff and leaving as fast as I could. I didn't think I could last one more second with the two before bursting into tears. And I hated it. I hated that it had only been a week and James went on like nothing happened while I could only pretend.

I went back up to the common rooms, practically running through the Fat Lady, over a first year, and into my bedroom where Roxanne Weasley laid on the ground, sorting through her makeup.

"Willow," Roxanne looked at me with the most sympathetic look I had ever seen on Roxy. I tried very hard to swallow the tears back. "Where were you during dinner?"

"Studying," I told her. "I need to get my grades up before the end of the year, remember?"

"Speaking of that," Roxanne looked at me directly in the eyes. "When are you going to tell the entire team?"

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently. "I already told you and Taylor, and you both told Fred and Theo - he told Cory, so - "

"I mean, when are you going to tell James?" Roxanne looked at me. "Or call a team meeting and tell everyone at once?"

"I - Roxanne, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get my grades up. I don't have to tell anyone," I told her, even though I was not sure at all. I still didn't understand anything.

"And what if you don't? Then what?" Roxanne looked at me. "Then what?"

"Then I won't play Quidditch," I said, like it was the simplest thing ever, but it wasn't.

"Willow, you need to start taking more responsibility," Roxanne told me, her face already red. She got angry easily. "I can't believe you right now. Do you even care about the team? About us and our senior year?"

And I wanted to tell her, of course, of course I cared. Of course, I wanted to play Quidditch. But I couldn't tell her that without crying. So, I didn't say anything, and watched as my one of best friends became nothing. And in the next month, I watched it happen. I spent more nights in the library then with my friends, and soon enough, they weren't my friends.

And I kept studying, despite not understanding anything still. One night in the library, I rested my head on the book, and I never wanted to get up. "Willow," I looked up from my studying - to see none other than James Potter. His brown eyes bored into mine as he fidgeted in his pocket for something. "Last time, I know it was kind of long ago, but you left this letter and I couldn't help but read it and I - " I immediately took the letter from him. I had been searching for it, but couldn't find it. I had convinced myself that I imagined it, but here it was the entire time - with James.

"James, what the hell?" I looked at him angrily. "That's personal!"

"It's - it's - it's - I know, but Willow, it's from your mother. Didn't you say you didn't have a mother? Or didn't you say - didn't your mother - just tell me what's going on. I can help you, you know."

"No, you can't, James," I told him sharply. "No one can help me at this moment unless it's about Herbology."

"Willow, what's going on? Roxanne isn't talking to you, I never see you at the Great Hall - I didn't even see you at the Quidditch Finals. I don't get it, but I think this has to do with your mother - "

"James, please stop talking," I said stiffly. "Please."

"No," His brows were furrowed together harshly while he pursed his lips. "I don't get this sudden change. I just - "

"STOP!" I heard myself yell, everything I had been holding in for so long came pouring out. "STOP! Stop acting like things are normal! Because things have changed. You're not my friend anymore, you are not anything for me. You don't get to learn all of my secrets and personal details! Nothing changed for you - I get that, but don't act like nothing changed for me. You're not my friend."

"Willow, things have changed for me too! I don't hav - "

"Can you please acknowledge that nothing changed for you?" I screamed back at him angrily. "Nothing for you changed! You have a girlfriend, you have your friends, you have a girl that loves you and cares for you, someone you can talk to and someone you can kiss and hug and you have the captain position and I have nothing, alright? I have nothing! I - "

"Willow," James looked at me. "What the hell are you going on about?" I shook my head, looking at the boy that I believed wouldn't break my heart.

"You don't get it, do you?" I breathed in. "James, I'm not the captain anymore. Or co-captain, whatever. I'm not even on the team. So, you won. Congratulations, you got what you wanted all this time."

"What?" His eyes popped out while he took steps closer to me. "Willow, what happened?"

"I - " I couldn't tell him the truth - that I was the dullest and thickest idiot in the world who couldn't pass a test to save her life. "Starting next year, I won't be captain. I thought studying would raise my grades by the end of the year, but they're still rubbish. Because I'm an idiot, James. Because I'm stupid. And now, it's official. Even the Headmaster thinks so. And the fact that you have the nerve to come over here, and act like you can fix all of this - ALL of this, is so idiotic. I just...I just want you to leave me alone, is that so hard?"

Silence met us. It was like we didn't even know each other. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"Okay," He said. "Okay, alright. I'll just...I'll just - I just want to help you."

"Then leave."

"Okay."

"Wait," I said sharply. "Why'd you do it?" I needed to know. I had to. It was the one thing that was still unanswered.

"You hadn't come back. Someone said they saw you go to Davies' room. I asked him and he...he denied it, I just thought...I don't know, I just was thinking about how those guys all have done it with you and Helen was there, and - "

"So, you just assumed," I could barely speak. I wanted to rewind time to never hear that. Somehow, that answer was worse than not knowing. Now, I knew he thought of me like everyone else - a slut.

"I - "

"You assumed once I get out of your sight, there I go, falling back into my old slutty ways, sleeping with the next guy I see - you're such a prat."

Silence.

"And now? Is Helen just there?" I heard myself blurt. I was jealous, of course I was.

"I don't know. I - I like her."

"Okay."

"Okay."

And then James left, fulfilling my promise - but also breaking my heart.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen: The Expected**

 _a/n: self promotion, but I just posted a oneshot about Willow and James and would love if you guys check it out! set roughly in fifth/fourth year! also, next chapter will come when i get thirty reviews or more!_

* * *

 _ **(never sent)**_

 _Dear Katie,_

 _I do not wish to speak to you. At all. Please leave me from my life._

 _\- Willow._

* * *

In a way, I wish I had sent her that.

I didn't want to speak to her, at all. But, still, as the year neared to an end, I realized that the inevitable will happen - Katie and I's long waited talk, and the final word from McGonagall.

"Unfortunately," McGonagall spoke slowly to me, her tone already making me know what the answer was. "You didn't raise your grades up to reach the teacher's standards. So, Ms. Wood, you're going to have to do the work over the summer and next school year, instead of Quidditch, you will have tutoring sessions in the library."

I couldn't speak - at all. If I had spoken one word, I knew my voice would crack as would my eyes. Instead, I nodded silently before walking out of her office and then sprinting to the nearest corridor before bursting into tears.

I collapsed into a small ball, my knees up to my face and hair tousled in salty tears. I was sobbing - the kind that almost is violent. Why did the universe hate me?

It's not like I did anything wrong, even though it seemed like everything I did was wrong - the boys I dated, my grades, my family, and even being Quidditch captain, apparently. I felt someone sit down next me.

"I'm sorry," I heard Roxanne say, never lifting my head up to see her. "I'm sorry." And I let her hold me until the tears stopped, which they never did. I didn't even know what I was fully crying about - Quidditch, James, or Katie - or all of them.

* * *

The train ride back was quiet. Quieter than usual. It was mostly because I was in a compartment myself. I liked it that way. I told Roxanne and Taylor that I just wanted to sit alone. Maybe it was what I wanted - and they let me, because of my constantly red eyes.

I stared out of the window, hoping the ride would last forever and ever.

"Are you thinking about your mom?" My head snapped to see James in the compartment. I looked back at the window.

"You can't ignore me," He insisted. "Come on, Willow. You're upset about something."

I still concentrated all my focus on the window, the moving green pictures.

"Willow."

'Willow."

"Willow."

"Willow."

"Katie," was all he had to say to have me look at him with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

"How'd you guess?" I asked him. James shrugged.

"I kind of figured over Christmas Break." He sat down on the red velvet seat across mine. "You knew?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "For a long time."

"What are you going to say to her?" And I didn't want to talk to him, I really didn't, but I needed SOMEONE to talk to.

"James," I sighed before turning to him. "I don't want to talk to you. And I asked you to leave me alone, and you said you would so - "

"Willow, I care about you. And I - "

"If you cared about me, then you'd leave." Something changed in James' face after that - it hardened to stiff lines and anger in his eyes.

"Fine," He practically spat. "Fine, I'll go and pretend we never happened and I'll have fun with Helen and I won't ever speak to you again!"

"Okay," was my only response. Any other, then I would've cried.

"Okay," He repeated slowly before walking out of the compartment.

* * *

Once I found my brothers, we headed out of the train to see a bigger commotion than normal. Upon closer inspection, I realized my dad was here at the station, for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Theo gave me a confused stare, and I shook my head. I had nothing to do with this. As we neared closer, I realized Katie was with him. Katie was with him - with a big, sparkly diamond ring.

"Oh, my God." I heard myself gasp. "They - "

"Boys! Willow!" I could see Katie and my dad waving towards us, motioning us to come join them, but I couldn't hear anything. The voices were all muffled. It felt everything was underwater and the crowds around us were blurred into one. I felt my brothers break into a run and hug my father, but I could only stand there. I saw Katie wave again, like I didn't see her the first time. I turned my head to see the one face that wasn't blurred - James.

We made eye contact for a second. His eyes flickered over to Katie and my father, then back to me. Another unreadable expression came over his face, and he walked to his giant family.

"Willow!" Katie called out. "Willow?" Suddenly, a hand grasped my wrist, pulling me towards Katie and my dad - Theo, of course.

"We're about to leave," He informed me.

"Okay," I mumbled and plunged into the silence.

* * *

The mirror in the bathroom just showed me what I didn't want to see. I could already see the dark circles underneath my eyes, dark, dark, circles - it almost looked like makeup. My forehead was dotted with red scars with strands of hair laid scraggily over the sides.

The night had been eventful - for the most part. Katie and my dad announced their engagement to me and my brothers, but it wasn't like it was a surprise after seeing her giant ring.

They went into my room afterwards. They wanted to "talk."

"I know you know," my dad told me. "Katie told me."

"Oh," was all I could say.

"And I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." He looked at me, with an ashamed look on his face. And suddenly, I wished I could've been angry, but I wasn't. I was just glad he was talking to me.

"We're sorry," Katie added. "When I got pregnant with you, there was so much media around your dad and me and we were constantly fighting - and once I had you, I just...I left."

I felt my heart break a little bit. It was almost like my mother didn't even want me.

"I panicked, but your dad - he stepped in," She explained. "Then, I came back when you were two, but it was too late. We decided together that we'd tell you when the time was right, but...we never made up."

"And now you have," I said numbly. And I wanted to tell her no. She and my dad used to be everything I wanted - them to get together, but once I figured out he had broken her heart several times - I decided that she and him should never be together again. And now this. They were together.

And that was how we ended it. They decided it had been a long night, I should sleep, I could talk to them in the morning.

I wanted to tell my mother that she was making a mistake - but how could I? She seemed so happy.

I wanted to be mad at both of them, but I couldn't find it in me to be.

* * *

The daylight hit me as I bounded downstairs, only to run into Katie. She offered me a smile and a cup of tea.

"Here," She handed it to me. "You wanna talk?" I nodded my head.

"Are you mad at me?" She asked first. Of course she would.

"No," I said honestly. "I wanted to be. I was, at first. But I can't."

"So..." Katie dragged out her worlds, our similar eyes meeting. "How, er, are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling like you shouldn't do this." Her nervous smile disappeared.

"Do what?" Her eyebrows were raised to her forehead.

"Marry my dad," I told her. "You can't do it. He broke your heart millions of times. He's going to do it again."

"Willow, I don't think - "

"You know, you may think you're in love now, but then he's going to mess up, like he has, and then you're going to be sad. And I watched it happen. When I was eight, I saw you two kissing and then a week later, he started dating that singer girl and you cried for a month about it. And when I was twelve, he married her and then you didn't visit for months or go to the wedding. And then - "

"Willow, stop!" Katie said harshly. "Willow. I know what he did. And you don't know what I did. When you were eight and you saw us kissing, immediately after, I told him it was a bad idea and I couldn't do it - and then he went out and tried to find someone else, and he did, and I regretted it. I pretended to be okay with everything. Everything he did, but everything that went wrong with us was just a...just a misunderstanding. Willow, I love him. And sometimes, love is going to hurt, alright?"

"Then why would you want to be in love?" I muttered.

"Because then you get to be in love," She told me. "And when you're in love, you'll understand."

And then, for the first time, I wanted to be in love.


	20. Dear One

**Chapter Twenty: Dear One**

a/n: to all the reviewers: thank you, thank you! i love getting reviews and your reviews always make me laugh and smile! this chapter is just going to be letters that willow writes to sort out her feelings and such!

* * *

 _Dear One,_

 _When I first got to Hogwarts as first year, the whole idea of boys didn't really enter my mind until I heard my new friends gossip about how cute the lads in my grade were. I guess, you could've been one of those boys - very innocent, naive, with no strange ideas about girls in their heads._

 _In second year, it all changed. The boys' minds changed and the girls got even more hopeless. I snogged a different boy every Hogsmeade trip, and apparently, that wasn't what you were supposed to do as a second year girl. But still, I kept going, upping the numbers and stakes until fourth year - when everything stopped being about small and quick snogs, and more about being an adult._

 _I wish I can go back to first year, when all I saw were the boys' smiles and all they saw about me was that. But somehow, now in sixth year, all I have are boys who only cared about bodies and what lips could do._

 _I lost my virginity in fourth year - sort of a pressured attempt and a quick one. The boy was much older, and it probably wasn't even remotely right for it to been happening. But I was so young, very young, swayed easily. He took one look at my body and told me I was fit for a fourth year, nothing romantic that you hear in movies._

 _I can't get a do-over in life. I can't get any sort of button that rewinds me back to first year, but I do get you._

 _I don't know who you are yet. Or, maybe I do know you. Maybe you're my best friend, maybe we're strangers, or maybe we passed each other in the hallways of Hogwarts._

 _I don't know._

 _Whoever you are, I hope you know that I'm not good at relationships. I hope you know that my heart is fragile, despite the high protection I put to it. I hope you know that I have never been in love like I will be with you. And most importantly, I hope you can erase all those moments where boys treated me absolutely rubbish - and be the first one to treat me well._

 _You will call me beautiful, not fit. You will understand the difference of boys casually glancing up and down my body and you looking directly at me, calling my entire self wonderful. You will understand me._

 _I don't know, but I guess the One and love is supposed to be great. It's supposed to be so amazing that you can excuse the heartbreak and sadness. And when I find you, I hope I'll feel that way. And I'll be able to see you and say, I found you, I found you._

 _And I want to find you. I want to, so bad. Because right now, my heart is broken in half by James Sirius Potter._

 _James Sirius Potter tore my heart apart to shreds, and everyday now, I feel like jumping into the sky and never coming back down. If there's a world without him, then please let me join it. And I hope that you, the One, will make me feel like that. You will make me forget him and only remember you. And when we fight, we fight like the ocean does to the beach. The waves come crashing over the beach, sand coming back into our kingdom underwater. And when we make up, because we always make up, it will feel like the most beautiful moments in my life, over and over and over._

 _I want something like that._

 _Most boys have looked upon me, and the ones that have touched me, they have never once told me I was beautiful. They have told me I was fit, that they would "shag" me in a game of "Shag, Marry, Kill." No one has told me they wanted to marry me, no one has told me that I was funny and that they wanted me to only feel happiness in the world. No one has done anything very caring for me, except for James Sirius Potter - who also managed to hurt me the worst. I hope that you will never hurt me like that._

 _I hope that whenever I say your name, the feeling of happiness spreads underneath my tongue. I hope that when I see you, I am the bright sun. I hope you see through my flaws, but still acknowledge them. I hope you don't care that I've slept with so many boys and I hope you don't care about my reputation. I hope you will see me as a person before a body._ _And I hope you like Quidditch as much as I do and I hope you have flaws that I could love._ _And I really, truly do hope you are so amazing that I forget about James Sirius Potter._

 _Love,_

 _Your One_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _I'm not going to send this because, despite being a Gryffindor, I don't think I have enough courage. Maybe it's not courage I lack, but it's the amount of sensitivity I possess. I don't know if that's a weak excuse for me to excuse why I'm not going to send this, but I don't think I could deal with wondering if you'd read this or not._

 _I could practically feel you kiss Helen when I was watching. I knew how your lips felt against hers, I knew everything - because in the end, I was just another toy for you to play with, just like Helen. That's the only thing making me feel better, which sounds completely idiotic, right? But it's better for me to think that we were meaningless, just like Helen. It makes the blow feel somewhat better, like Helen and I are equal._

 _Yesterday, I saw you kiss her goodbye for summer after the train. You looked at her like you'd never looked at me before, and she looked back at you with an expression of longing. And I expected you to turn away, go back to your family and forget about her, just like you did to me - but instead, you led her to your family and you both left together._

 _So, I guess in a sense, Helen and I aren't equal. I know it's not right to be comparing the two of us, but I just feel like I'm forced to. She means something to you. I don't think I meant anything to you. And the most horrible part about this is that you were the first boy to treat me right. I guess that means you could've been the one._

 _\- Willow Wood_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty One: Getting Over Him**

 _Dear Willow,_

 _Come over soon. Miss you!_

 _\- Roxanne_

* * *

There was a change in my life after the first month of summer came to a close. After spending days in my bedroom, sulking over nothing, and spending hours in front of the mirror, thinking of what change I should make to my hair - I decided to put down the scissors and pick up my broom. Even if I couldn't play Quidditch next year, it didn't mean I couldn't stop playing it myself. They never said no practicing. I didn't just play Quidditch to play Quidditch, I played it for my health and sanity. Days without it drove me clinically insane.

I distracted myself with wedding planning with Katie and Quidditch so much that I didn't have any time to think about James! I couldn't, my mind was so crammed with other events going on in my brain.

But the invitation from Roxanne halted me in my progress of ignoring James. I left it sit on my desk for a few hours before scrawling over it, wondering whether or not I should go. Some of Weasley-Potter family would stay together during the summer for a week or so in Roxanne and Fred's house - their dad being the richest out of all the family. Despite Harry Potter saving the Wizarding World, you can't beat practical joke items.

On the pro side of going, the house was beautiful. I had been there a few times, and it was giant and pretty and complete open space. Another pro side was that I had a summer glow to my skin, and James could see me looking good and regret his actions.

On the con side of going, James was going to be there. I didn't want to see him. I had purposely busied myself with tasks so that James wouldn't cross my mind - and seeing him would definitely preoccupy my mind for weeks.

"You should go," Katie announced to me once she read over the letter. "I think so."

"You do?" I looked at her before biting my lip. "I don't think so."

"You can't get over someone by simply ignoring them," She looked at me pointedly, and I knew she was right. Besides, I greatly missed Roxanne(and I did miss James.)

* * *

"Willow!" Roxanne's voice boomed out as she gave me a huge hug, patting me comfortingly on the back as she reeled me into the house. "I'm so glad you came!" I simply smiled nervously, bracing myself for the sight of James. Instead, I saw Albus Severus Potter sitting on a couch with a pretty blonde girl who I recognized as Gwendolyn, and Louis Weasley with Hugo Weasley looking at Roxanne and me with great curiosity.

"You're Willow, right?" He asked, not rudely, but very bluntly. I nodded.

"Oh," He nodded, and I blanched - knowing that someone must have talked about me in their close knit family clique, and it definitely included details about me and James' relationship.

"Don't be so weird, Louis, introduce yourself," Roxanne's curly hair was swept up on the top of her head and would bounce every time she took a step. A few tendrils stuck out at the bottom and I felt the urge to fix it. "He's kind of awkward, if you couldn't tell."

"I'm not," Louis scowled. "I already know Willow. We've talked before."

"Yeah," I nodded. It was brief in Hogsmeade, about my hair or something like that. He suggested that I, blonde to blonde, try out Madam Rosette's Purple Shampoo, infused with rose and amino acids. "I haven't gotten around to using purple shampoo yet."

"You should!" He exclaimed. "Scorpius Malfoy introduced it to me. Changed my entire life. Of course, you're not a light blonde, so you should get the rose infused one."

"I think that was what you recommended before," I giggled politely. Rumor had it, he, Scorpius, and his two sisters would have weekly haircare meetings.

"Sorry about him, Louis is enamored with hair and everything about it. He doesn't know about Fred and I's hair, being half-black and all." Roxanne tugged at her curly locks. "But, I'm teaching him everything!"

"I love hair," was all he offered with a wide smile.

"Are we talking about Louis' obsession with hair?" And that was the voice I knew so well, the one I could now recognize from a mile away. It was the voice that used to tease me lightly and compliment me subtly. James Sirius Potter clambered down the stairs, seemingly tanner and with the same smirk that he always wore. I knew I was staring at him, but I couldn't help it. He had cut his hair shorter, more kempt - which I didn't like but I still didn't hate. I knew he had gotten better looking, and I also knew I missed him - I hated myself for feeling that way. James caught me staring. We locked gazes, but his lingered for a split second before turning back to Louis.

"What a coincidence he comes down here," Roxanne whispered to me before calling out after him. I regretted coming. He was so unbothered and happy - he didn't care. And I did.

"James, where'd you go?" And just like that, somehow, my day seemed to get worse. Helen barged out of nowhere, her brown hair loose and smile wide. She had a slight gap in between her front teeth that made her somewhat more endearing. She looped her arms around his neck.

"Uh," James looked down at the ground. "We're going to go swimming, if anyone else wants to go." Hugo simply nodded while no one else even dared to speak. Helen skipped towards the door, and Roxanne and I both turned to go to her bedroom.

""Can we, uh, go to your room?" I asked Roxanne quickly.

"Yeah, sure," She gestured down the hall, taking a look at James before leading me down the hallway. "It's this way." Roxanne's room was lived in. It wasn't even messy, just lived in. The slight wrinkle and crookedness of the bed, the photograph wall, and the little quirks that she had scattered all over the room gave everything personality.

"I love your wall," I commented immediately before adding, "No pictures of me, though."

"You wanna change that?" I looked up to be staring up into the lens of Roxanne's camera. "I got loads of film. I'm good at it, I promise!"

I threw back my hair dramatically before pursing my lips for a flair - making me look as ridiculous as possible.

"Oh, my Godric, Willow, come on. Be serious." I glanced back at the wall. There was a mix of moving Wizard pictures and normal, Muggle ones. "You really like this, yeah?" I asked.

"Yeah," She beamed her white smile at me. "I loved it for a while. I just got really into it this past year." I scanned all the photos before my eyes landing on one of James. It was out on a lawn somewhere, the sun setting and beaming into his face all at once. He was laughing at something, a hand pointing out at something. I wished for a second, that I could exist in that photo, just with him and unbothered.

"Willow," Roxanne called out, dragging out the vowels in my name. "Wiiiiillllooooooooow." I turned to see her camera flash at that second. The film slipped out of a slit from her camera.

"Look at it," She burst out. "You look so good!"

"Let me see, pass it over," Roxanne shook her head.

"You're just going to have to wait and see until the next visit. This is how I'm forcing you to visit me." But her joke had gone over my head, as I got sight of James and Helen in the pool through her window. They were currently having a splash party in the pool.

Suddenly, a wave of sadness rippled through me.

"I'm sorry." Roxanne told me. I shook my head before swallowing.

"I'm fine," I decided. "I am."

I took one last glance at James, and decided, I was going to get over him.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty Two: James?**

 **a/n: sorry it took me so long to update! warning, james may come off as a HUGE jerk in this scene**

* * *

 _Dear Fred,_

 _Hey, what's going on with you? How's France? Roxanne is driving me insane. She's jealous that she couldn't go to France. So am I, though. Helen is also driving me insane. Just a little. So is the other girl...you know her name. I haven't said a word to her._

 _\- James_

* * *

"Hey," Roxanne stretched awake, her legs reaching the end of the bed. I rubbed the back of my head. Sleeping on the ground was familiar to me, but still gave me neck cramps. I massaged my neck, rolling over.

"I must've passed out," I muttered. "What happened?" Roxanne gave me a look that I had learned ever since I took my first drink. This was a look given to me that meant "you passed out drunk and ruined everything".

"Oh, God," I slapped a hand to my forehead after seeing the empty bottles littered on her bedroom floor. "I shouldn't have drank."

"I shouldn't have either," Roxanne admitted. "My head is killing me." She looked over at her bedside table. "Did you take the picture of you?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't think so."

"Huh, it's not there. Maybe it fell. I don't know." She blew her curls out of her face. "I need to get ready. The spare bathroom is down the hallway to the right if you want to wash up."

"Thanks," I said. My head hurt too much to stand up completely, so I crawled my way to the bathroom. I heard Roxanne's cackle as I nudged open her bedroom door.

I could barely open my eyes as I crawled on the cold floor, but I knew I had bumped into something and I knew it was, inevitably, Helen. I forced open my eyes to make eye contact with the red pedicured feet. At that moment, I realized how stupid I must've looked, on all fours wearing nothing but a cut tank top with "Quidditch Cup 2010" on the back and workout shorts. My hair was all messy and felt completely dry on my head. Compared to Helen, in a matching pink pyjama top and bottom with dark brown hair pulled into a French braid, I was scum.

"Hi." I forced a smile. "Good Morning."

"Hungover?" Helen cocked an eyebrow before giggling. "That's a surprise. I think you need some clothes with your..." She looked me up and down before continuing. "Hot pink bra."

"You're blocking the bathroom," I replied with my face burning up.

"Uh huh," She rolled her eyes. "I'll move." I watched her retreating form, unfortunately, even the back form of her was elegant.

I nudged the bathroom door open, before collapsing on the cool marble floor. I never wanted to get back up.

"Man, you're a mess." I groaned upon hearing James' voice. "You need a hand?" I merely grunted in response. He pulled me up with great force - since I made no effort at all.

Once up off the floor, I saw James up close for the first time in weeks. I noticed the extra freckles that he got during the summer. I wanted to remember where every single one was placed and how they all worked together. He swallowed, hard, his Adam's Apple bobbing up and down.

"Thanks," I said, rubbing my eyes. "Do you know where Roxanne keeps the makeup wipes?"

"No." He shook his head. "You look - "

"- rough, I know." I ran a hand through my hair. "Do you know where she has a brush or anything?"

"Nope." I let out a frustrated sigh before catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Dark circles and tangled hair didn't suit me.

"Did you take the - "

"Take what?" Suddenly, James' expression was extremely defensive and his hand went to his pocket, playing with some piece of paper.

"The, er, hand towel." His face softened as he motioned to it before leaving. Even though nothing in that small moment was pleasant, I still found myself wanting him to stay.

* * *

He plagued my mind for the rest of the summer until it was time was the Annual Quidditch Charity Gala, which normally I would go as Katie's date. We were still debating whether or not I should call her mom or Katie. The jury was still out on that. But this year, I was invited myself - making me feel all important and special.

My lids were dusted with silver, specs glittering when it got a chance. My lashes were painted dark and thick, fanning out and complimenting my brown eyes, lips stained with golden pink hues. When I looked in the mirror of the Gala's bathroom that I had been stuck in for ten minutes, just examining if I looked right, my hair fell the way I wanted it to, just left of my right eyebrow in straightened waves.

"I like your dress," a random blonde lady told me in the bathroom. I smiled my thanks. I had done great consideration before settling on an ivory satin gown. It was strapless, which would've normally required a spray tan, but I prepared in tanning everyday very carefully. The high slit in the dress gave it a youthful, sexier look. Talk about an oxymoron. I wanted to look so good that everyone would want to talk to me. And in the crowd of people, one of them must be better than James. After succumbing the courage to leave the bathroom, I immediately ran into an old face.

"Hey, Willow?" A hand wrapped around my arm and spun me around to face none other than Dave Kang, the former Quidditch captain of the Gryffindor team. He practically looked the same, just a different haircut - shaggy hair was chopped fresh and tight. His facial features still were the same, same thick eyebrows and complimenting almond brown eyes along with it.

"Dave!" I gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. "How's it going?"

"Good, good," He smiled back at me. "I'm actually working in the Ministry." I pretended to know what people did in the Ministry

"Really?" I exclaimed. "Uh, how's the minist - ministrying doing?" I was not a right fit for anything but Quidditch, obviously.

"It's great," Dave beamed. "I love it, you know in the department of sports and such, it's just the right fit!" He cleared his throat before turning back to me. "So, er, how's the team? You doing well as captain?"

"Oh, yeah." I nodded my head, wanting to tell him the truth. "We're doing good."

"I wasn't been able to make it to any of the games this year, but let me know if you guys make it to the finals next year."

"I definitely will." A silence appeared and it was my chance to ask him the question plaguing my mind.

"So," I forced myself to make eye contact with him. "Why didn't you chose James for the spot?" I mean, it made sense. James and I were equally talented, but everyone knew he seemed a lot more leader like than I did. "Not because, um, we - well, you know - "

"No," Dave shook his head furiously. "Never, Godric! Are people saying that?" He scanned the room for a split second before pulling me out the balcony in the quiet night.

"Willow, I would never chose anyone based on anything other than skill and leadership abilities. And I watched you and James both, very closely, for the last month and I thought you would be better. I mean, James - you know, he wanted it. Really badly, and he's a good talker, people listen to him."

"But you, you needed it." I looked up at him with wide eyes. What was that supposed to mean? "You needed it, Willow. I mean, Quidditch was your oxygen and it was your pathway. James, he wanted captain so bad, but you didn't just want it. And if someone needs something so badly, then they're bound to do a good job. That's what I assume."

Relief washed over me along with (other) feelings, but I gave him a tight hug. Hearing him say all these things brought a calm and clear decision to my mind. I had to get my spot back on the team, I just knew it. He was right. I did need the spot, and I especially needed the captain spot.

"Thank you! Thank you, Dave, I really appreciate it, but actually, I should tell you - "

"Getting back to the old habits, Wood?" I immediately broke apart from Dave, us now miles apart once James entered, his voice was so cold and his face was rigid. I knew James would've been here, most likely invited individually. His tuxedo just fit his body and his tie was coming loose, as if he had too much to drink.

"James," I looked at him - looking for a reason on why he was acting so emotionless. "Come on."

"No, Wood," He spat. "You go on. At the end of the day, you're the one who lost her position as captain. You are just a stu - " He paused, as if he was deciding whether or not he should finish the sentence. He didn't, shaking his head. "I can't do it," He muttered to himself. I knew what he was going to say.

James knew exactly what he could say to break me. Nothing in the world could have made me more hurt than what he almost said. What was the worst was that I knew he almost said those words to hurt me, and he intended to. And I couldn't help but feel anything but sadness. I couldn't even be angry. I couldn't even fight.

"Whoa, Potter," I heard Dave say. "What the hell?"

"She lost her position as captain." James told him flatly. "She lost her position to me, actually. McGonagall made us into co-captains at the beginning of the year, and then now I'm just captain and she is not captain."

"What? Why would she - " Dave's voice was nothing but surprised. "Willow, is this true?"

"James," I couldn't do anything but just stare at him. I promised myself I would never cry in front of him ever again and I didn't want to break the promise, yet tears still flooded my eyes. The glittered eyelids and thick lashes began to drip. "I thought you were different." Then, I bolted. I thought he was different, I thought he was better than every other boy in the universe but I was an idiot to have faith in him and hope and wishes and dreams. That was the part that almost hurt more than him saying those things about me. I really believed he thought of me different.

I wanted to tell him that I already knew I was stupid and he didn't need to tell me, and I wanted to tell him that people have called me a slag too many times to count and sometimes I just don't want to be here anymore and I wanted to tell him that he was nothing like I imagined he was and I wanted to tell him how much that hurt me.

Tears flooded my vision, causing the whole world to look like a blurried mess, under tears and cries, it was all so unclear where I was going, but I guess I didn't know either.

"Willow, Willow!" I heard Dave's voice call after me, but I needed to leave. I had to get out. "Willow, wait up!"

I saw him, a worried expression on his face. "Are you okay?"

"You were right," I shook while I spoke, the tears becoming uncontrollable. "I really needed that stupid captain position. I really, really need it." And with that, he pulled me into a comfort of a hug.

"Wood, don't worry about it," He told me. "You're still cool." I watched his back as he walked away, new footsteps appearing near me.

"Willow." I knew it was James. But I couldn't look at him without hearing the words he had said previously and the memories of what we could've been. "Willow, I - "

"Please leave me alone," I said in a monotone - an effort to hide the emotions I was feeling.

"Willow, I know you better than Kang does, and I know I can make you feel better - "

"James, please!" I burst out. "You do not know me at all! Godric, you're the one who makes me feel so horrible about myself!"

"I - "

"Do you have any idea what you calling me stupid means? James, if you really knew me, why would you try to hurt me? God, if you really know me like you say you do, then that makes everything much more worse."

"I didn't mean it. I swear. I didn't even - "

"James, you told me I was stupid and I KNOW you were going to call me a slut, I know - " I told him. "And I am constantly told everyday by people that barely know me that I am a whore, and that all I am good for is a shag and all I am is useless, and you know what? I'm starting to believe it."

"Willow, you're not - "

"See, the funny thing is that you don't mean that. You know, tonight, I told myself I was going to have fun but - " I wiped my face. "I'm leaving. I'm leaving." I heard myself say. As I turned, James stepped forward, grabbing my arm and pushing me into his chest.

"I wanted to hurt you," He admitted. "I did. I did, I wanted to break you so bad, but I couldn't. I couldn't, Willow, I couldn't - I - I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"James, leave me alone," I shook my head. I didn't know which was worse - that he intentionally said something that he didn't believe in just to hurt me, or that he would say something he believed in, not meant to hurt me.

"You can't leave without one dance with me," He whispered in my ear. "We don't even have to dance in the ballroom. We can...we can dance here."

I felt his heart beat quicken, but somehow mine didn't, and I realized my heart couldn't beat fast. It was broken.

"No, James, I can't. On the days I feel the best, you just manage to make me feel like rubbish." I looked back down on the ground, he pulled me closer.

"I'm sorry," He repeated again, this time with sadness breaking through his voice. "I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. I don't...know why I keep doing this, hurting you. I'm sorry, Willow," I could smell the alcohol tinging his breath, it didn't matter to me. Because in some small twisted way, I wanted to be like this to. For just a moment. I rested my head on his chest as my makeup and tears rubbed into his shirt - and let myself be at peace for just a moment. Despite everything he had said - I was at peace.

"I didn't mean it," He whispered again. "I swear, Willow. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it."

Because in that moment, I believed him. I wanted to. In that moment, In that moment, I decided to make myself happy for just a split second. Once it was over, and we broke apart, the wave of sadness came back, bigger than ever. But that was my choice.

One second with James was worth the heartbreak after.

* * *

 **a/n: i know James is coming off as a jerk in these few chapters, but he will redeem himself! I was intending to make him more cold and mean, but then I realized that I would not want to ever go back to someone who was that mean so I changed it. he doesnt mean any of it**


	23. Going Back to Hogwarts

**Chapter Twenty Three: Going Back To Hogwarts**

a/n: i published this story almost a year ago! hope you all enjoy this chapter! i love getting your reviews and hearing your comments. everyone is so sweet! :)

* * *

 _Dear Katie,_

 _I miss you already. Update me about the wedding plans, alright? Please tell me everything going on in your life, since nothing is going on in mine. Literally._

 _\- Willow_

* * *

Seventh Year of Hogwarts was supposed to be my year. Quidditch Captain, Quidditch games, Quidditch scouts, cute boys, and not having to stress about grades. My seventh year strayed far from the original plain. Instead it was all about grades, grades, grades, and grades. I blew the hair out of my face, waiting for my tutor to arrive. It was the first day of school and where was I? The Library. Through a window of the library, I could see the Quidditch Pitch. Gryffindor was holding tryouts today. I peaked out, seeing James and Roxanne flying around, the new first years and second years lining up nervously on their brooms. It looked like a lot of people had signed up to try out. I was filled with envy, knowing that last year, practically no one good had signed up.

"Willow?" A scratchy voice snapped my attention from the quidditch pitch to an extremely beautiful, blue eyed boy. "I'm your tutor."

"You're the Head Boy," I recognized him. He was the Head Boy, Gordon was his name.

"Yeah," He chuckled slightly, his blonde hair moving with each bump of the head. "Yeah, uh, I'm the Head Boy. And you're Willow Wood. The Quidditch..." Gordon's voice trailed off, not knowing how to finish his sentence. He quickly cleared his throat. "Anyways, so, the Headmaster asked me to be your tutor and so, here I am. What do you need help on?"

"How about everything?" I muttered.

"What was that?" Gordon looked at me, genuinely concerned.

"Nothing," I waved him off. "How about if we start on Herbology?"

"Okay, great. I love Herbology." As Gordon started to explain the lessons, my eyes drifted back to the pitch. Currently, a dark haired boy was trying out for position of Keeper.

"Um, are you - " He looked out to where I was looking. I gave him an apologetic smile. "It's fine," Gordon told me. "I get it. It must be rough. I would've hated if someone did that to me."

"Yeah, you're telling me," I said. "I'm sorry, again. I was listening until you started talking about the adaptations." Once Gordon launched back into his discussion, feelings of disappointment stirred in my stomach. I had kept thinking that maybe, just maybe, McGonagall would come up to me and tell me that I was captain again. But, here I was, first tutoring session of many to come, and I knew deep down that Quidditch in Hogwarts was over for me.

Upon the third study session, Gordon had caught me looking over at the Slytherin practice through the window for the tenth time.

"Willow," He asked me, with a little bit of frustration. "Why are you doing this to yourself? I think it's time to face the facts, but you...you're not getting good grades still, and this means that Quidditch is over for you in Hogwarts. Last year was the last year. I'm sorry, but you're still in denial. And you need to wake up."

And he was right. I was an idiot. And I would always be one. Quidditch was out of the picture. I had accepted that, but still, my heart would tug whenever I passed Quidditch playing students, chatting excitedly about their practices.

* * *

Dinner at the Great Hall felt different to me. Maybe it was the fact that it was our last year at Hogwarts, or maybe the fact that all James, Fred, and Roxanne were talking about was the Quidditch tryouts and how it went - the first time that I had never been included in a conversation that revolved around Quidditch.

"How was the tutoring?" Roxanne finally asked me after her long dissection of some second year who tried out for Keeper.

"Good," I said, my eyes reaching up to meet Gordon's - who sat at the Slytherin table, a slight surprise to me. He had seemed like such a Hufflepuff. He gave me a sympathetic smile, one that I returned.

"Anyways," James interrupted. "I just feel like none of the Chasers that tried out were very standout. They weren't that fast."

"Yeah." Fred agreed. "They just didn't have the same dynamic that you, Roxy, and Willow had." I didn't want to add anything, because if I did, I'd get emotional all over and I didn't want that.

I let out a big sigh before slamming my head onto the table, consumed by tears already. It was only the first day, and the dramatics had started.

"Willow, are you alright?" Taylor asked me. I gave her a muffled response. I was not okay. Nope. Not at all.

"Hey, James, my dad said that scouts were coming to our first game of the season. I heard some big ones were coming. That could mean - "

"Really?" James' voice was higher pitched, more excited. "Are you interested in a Quidditch path, Freddie?"

"No," I could practically hear Fred's head shake. "I thought you'd be interested." There was no doubt that James wanted to go professional. Between me and him, we were the only two people in Hogwarts who were really intense over Quidditch. Only, the scouts wouldn't get to see me play.

"Willow, how are the scouts going to see you play?" Emma asked, blindly and as clueless as possible. I lifted my head up slightly so you couldn't fully tell that I had been tearing up.

"They won't," my voice came out a lot more coarse and croak-like than I expected, making the answer seem even more pathetic. Once I said that, I saw the sympathetic looks coming from everyone around the table.

"Then...how will they know to scout you or - "

"They won't," was all I could say without bursting into tears. "I'll just have to...I don't know yet. I don't know." And with that, I put my head on the Great Hall's long table, and everyone's conversations went on.

* * *

The P on my Potions quiz seemed to stare me down angrily. It was big and red, and very intruding. I stared back at it, in complete shock. I had studied - I had studied so hard for it. I had tried my very best, yet, I still got Poor. Poor.

"What'd you get?" Taylor asked me nosily before peering at my test, taking in a sharp breath. "Oh."

"How?" I heard myself whisper. "I studied so hard."

"Sometimes, studying doesn't do it. You have to understand it," she explained to me. I frowned. How could I understand it? Nothing made sense in my brain. And so, I left class in a hurry, walking down the corridors and hallways out to the Quidditch pitch, the fall rain hitting down hard on my skin, soaking my hair completely. My teeth clattered, but I could not care less. I needed to do something, something that made me feel better. Quidditch was the only thing, it was my salvation. As I flew back down to the pitch after playing in the rain, I realized that I couldn't tell which was the tears and what was the raindrops.

"You're soaked, Willow." I turned around to see James, who also, was soaked. His black hair was plastered to his forehead, and the glasses that he rarely wore, except in times when extremely necessary, was covered in a layer of raindrops.

"You too," I said hoarsely.

"The pitch is closed," he informed me. "Too muddy. And wet."

"There's no rule for that."

"I know, but," He paused before continuing, "you should get some heat. It'd be bad if you got a cold."

"Yeah." I nodded. He did make sense. I shouldn't have even been wasting time doing this. I should be studying. "I should get inside. Study, probably."

"All you do is study now," James told me. "You don't need to study that much. I bet you're acing your classes now. Maybe I could talk to McGonagall - "

"You don't think I've thought of that already?" I cocked an eyebrow, the rain pouring down harder. "I would talk to McGonagall if I was doing better, but James, I'm not!" My desperation in my voice peaked out. "I'm not doing good. At all. James, I'm just stupid. Alright? I think I should just face the fact that I am a complete idiot."

"Willow, you aren't stupid. And if you improve your grades by next month, you'll be able to rejoin the team and play the first game where the scouts - "

"I'm not going to get back on the team anytime soon, James. The Headmaster made her decision very clear. And I - I guess that's the best for me. I don't know, but Gordon thinks - well, he thinks that if we spend more time studying and I put my entire focus in it like I do with Quidditch, I might - "

"Gordon?" James' face twisted with confusion. "Gordon, the Head Boy?"

"Yes," I nodded my head. "He's my tutor."

"He's more than that, isn't he?" I shook my head. James was always assuming. Always.

"He's not. Besides. You're with Helen now. Why do you care?" I couldn't deny that Gordon wasn't beautiful. He was. Up close, he was a lot more delicate looking and polished that James looked. But my feelings for him were strictly friendship. At least, I thought so.

"I don't," He told me. "Just be careful with the Slytherin boys." And with that, James left, leaving me freezing in the rain. I laughed to myself, "be careful," he said. I was always careful, except with him. And what did it leave me with?


	24. Halloween, Halloween(read an!)

**Chapter Twenty Four: Halloween, Halloween, Halloween**

a/n: A year ago I released this! So, here's a new chapter for all of you guys! also, read all your reviews and absolutely agree with every single one of you.

updated a/n: I uploaded then removed this chapter! I needed to make a few readjustments to it all and hopefully, you will enjoy it! shoutout to xpassingthememoriesx! i was honestly really stuck on where to go with this story and you gave me the inspiration to reevaluate it! Sorry for removing it like that

* * *

 _Dear Willow,_

 _Bridesmaids dresses. What color and style? I'm in between this pale shade of pink, that ivory one, and the red one here. Do you think red would be too flashy? For style, I was thinking backless, sleeveless but not strapless, very elegant and classy._

 _Please give me your input. I'm stressed!_

 _\- Katie_

* * *

The O on my paper was red and big, just like every other P I was given, but this was different. I couldn't hide the giant smile that broke into my face.

"I got an O!" I said, turning around in my chair. "I got an O!"

"Oi, shut it, it's just an O," a blonde Ravenclaw girl muttered. A ripple of giggles filled the room, and I felt my cheeks burn. My latest achievement was, apparently, not much of an achievement.

"Wow, an O?" Gordon looked over my paper after class with his blue eyes wide. "Really? Willow, congratulations!"

"Thanks!" I said excitedly. I didn't care what that Ravenclaw thought, an O was an achievement. "I can't believe it."

"Well, I'm proud of you!" He stretched out his arms for a hug, which I fell into eagerly. "Good job, Willow." I took in everything, the way his arms felt around me and the smell of his cologne. Gordon gave me a smile. Even though I had told James that Gordon and I were just Gordon and I, he was the only one that could keep my mind of James.

During the day, I would find myself thinking of Gordon more often and often and James less and less. Gordon's blue, blue eyes that were the color of the sky on a sunny day. His hair, unlike James, was always polished and kempt. He smelled faintly of strawberries and the wind during a ferris wheel ride. He was different, too. He was sweet, genuine, and understanding.

As the last of summer finally came to an end, fall was now fully in season, already nearing the end of October. Halloween was the hot topic on everyone's conversations.

"I'm going to be a Princess," Taylor announced for the tenth time during dinner. "Like always. Fred's going to be my Prince." Even though she probably went over her costume details with Fred twenty times, something told me he was not going to show up dressed up like a prince. "What about you, Willow?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, licking the custard from the spoon. "Maybe just something slutty. Like a bunny. But slutty."

"You were that last year," Emma reminded me.

"You're right," I giggled. "Maybe I should switch it up. A slutty cat?"

"That sounds awfully typical of you, Willow," I turned my head to see none other than Helen, head to toe in beauty, standing behind us. James was right behind her. James stared at me hard, his gaze very serious. "Could you move over to make room on the table?"

"Yeah, sure," I ignored her dig, scooting over. "Go ahead, actually. I'm not hungry," I lied before getting up.

"You're not?" Emma's eyebrows shot up. "But you were just saying that - "

"I guess I was wrong," I shot her an angry look. "I'm leaving. Now." I felt my cheeks burn up, knowing that James was still staring at me.

"Wait, Willow, we could make room," James offered. I stared at him with curiosity before shaking my head.

"I'm not even that hungry," I shrugged. "I'll just go sit with the Slytherins." Emma followed my gaze to Gordon and she let out a giggle.

"Have fun," Taylor said with a very suggestive tone. I rolled my eyes.

* * *

Halloween was the only time I could ask the question, "Does the bunny ears make my hair look too voluminous?" and no one see anything wrong with it.

"You look fit," Roxanne assured me. "I'm sure Gordon will be drooling over you." I smiled slightly.

"I don't like him like that," I denied.

"Denial, denial, denial," She and Taylor chorused together. Some small part of me felt that Roxanne and Taylor didn't really even like the idea of Gordon and I. "You are in denial. You loooovvveeee him." I didn't, and that I knew. Gordon was just a distraction, as horrible as that sounded. I wanted to fancy him, but all he seemed to be was a release from James.

"I don't love anyone. I don't love." I rolled my eyes as I ran a brush through my lashes. "Can you check if I got mascara on my lids?"

"Close," Taylor ordered me. "Nope. I love your eyeshadow."

"Thanks," I flashed her a glossy smile. My lids were smoked out with grey and black glitter. "Do I look Halloween-ready?"

"You look hot." Taylor stated. "I look like a Princess, right?"

A very, very tall princess. Taylor, who was already almost six feet, was wearing heels, making her indefinitely six feet. If she was in Rapunzel, she'd be the tower. Or Rapunzel's hair. Fred, of course, was not planning on wearing a Prince costume, or so I suspected from his constant raving of his super cool "pirate" costume. I adjusted my restraining bodice top, careful not to mess up the look I had planned.

"You're going to have a wardrobe malfunction. I'm calling it," Roxanne told me.

"If I do," I shrugged. "At least I'll be drunk."

"You're drinking tonight?" Taylor asked me, her tone sharp. She had always never approved of me drinking, even though she did. It was always a problem when I drank. It was never one when anyone else did - granted, they never acted like I did when I did get drunk. "Yes," I rolled my eyes. "How else will it be fun?" And how could I ignore the thoughts of James? As the three of us carefully made our way down, hoping that Peeves wouldn't catch us, I realized that I had forgotten my key essential to the outfit - the ears.

"I forgot ears," I whispered to Taylor and Roxanne. "I need to go back. You two can go without me." Once I retrieved my ears and started the journey to the dungeons, I started to regret telling them to go without me, realizing that Hogwarts is actually really creepy when it's dark. I felt myself collide with something. But the problem was, I couldn't see anything in front of me. There was actually nothing in front of me. I opened my mouth to let out a scream, but a hand came out and covered my mouth, pulling me under some mysterious fabric.

"Don't scream, you dolt," I was now face to face and inches away from James Sirius Potter. I averted my eyes. "Do you want to get caught?"

"No," I said curtly. "I was scared. I can't help if I was scared or not. Can I get out of your invisibility cloak?"

"Don't you want to go to the party without being caught?" I sighed. He was right. I couldn't get in trouble.

"Yes," I said reluctantly. "Where's your costume?"

"You're in it now," He told me. "I'm going to be a severed head."

"That's stupid," I scoffed. James' eyebrows raised to the top of his hairline. It was strange talking to him, as if nothing happened.

"Says the girl dressed in lingerie," He retorted. "You're not even wearing pants."

"I look fit," I defended myself. "You'll just look dumb."

"No, I won't!"

"Will too."

"Will not."

"Will too!"

"You're impossible," was his lame response. "Now face forward. We're going to have to walk in this."

"Fine," I muttered, turning forward. "Where's Helen?"

"Why do you care?" His tone was incredulous, but softened. "Jealous?"

"No," I snapped back. "I was just curious."

"She didn't want to go. She's studying for some big exam." James sounded a little disappointed at the fact, making my heart break just a little. He really fancied her. I was just another girl on his list. I didn't want to go to the party anymore. "And you're going the wrong way."

"Am not."

"Yes, you are." James' hands were placed on my waist as he steered me the right way. I felt my entire face heat up. I thought I was getting over him. Just one touch from him, and I forget everything about Gordon.

"Alright, alright!" I rolled my eyes. "Let's just hurry up. I want to get there before it's halfway over."

"Willow, it doesn't have to be like this," James said suddenly, his voice low and tired. I turned back to face him.

"What do you mean?" I said.

"It doesn't - we could be friends."

"I don't think so," I pursed my lips, turning back.

"I miss you," He confessed. "I miss your friendship."

"So do I," I heard myself say. "But - "

"Can't we be friends? It'd be the mature thing to do."

"What does she have that I don't?" I heard myself ask and James blanched. His hands fell from my waist and we were at a standstill.

"Willow, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well," I faced him now, our eyes not meeting. "I mean, a lot of guys tell me that I'm fit. And you told me that too. And you said I was pretty."

"It's not about your body," James muttered. "It was never about your body - Godric, Willow? Is that what you think fancying someone entails? Just physical attraction?" I stared at his face - cold and distant. I didn't recognize him.

"I don't know," I felt myself wilt. "I don't think there's anything more anyone could like about me."

"Trust me," He replied. "There's a lot more to you than your appearance, Willow."

"So, it was my personality?" I asked. "Am I just annoying? Am I just - "

"Don't think about it so much," James said. "Willow, I - don't think about it like that. We could be mature about this. I've grown up since last year."

"Then how do I think about it?" We were silent for the rest of the seemingly hour long walk. When we arrived, we both split paths as fast as possible. I leaned against the cold dungeon wall for a split second, contemplating whether or not I wanted to go anymore.

"Willow?" I jumped open my eyes to see Gordon, smiling brightly at me. "You look amazing!"

A reflexive smile slid over my face, even though I tried to make it stop, my heart beat faster and happier. "You going in?" He asked me softly and sweetly, nothing like James. And I liked that.

"Yeah, let's." I took his arm and decided that maybe, he would be the one to heal my heart.

"So," Gordon smiled brightly. "I'll introduce you to my friends." Once we got in the ominous dungeons, it was a lot less creepy than I imagined. Slytherins seem to get a bad reputation.

"This is Jayna," A brunette girl dressed as what appeared to be a frog gave me a wave. "Harry." Harry was almost as handsome as Gordon and just as cute. When he stood next to Gordon, they melded together perfectly - almost looking like a high fashion photoshoot. "Harry should've been Headboy," Gordon said.

"No," Harry shook his head. "You deserved it more."

"He's such a Hufflepuff," Gordon rolled his eyes. "Too kind." I smiled at their banter before dragging Gordon to the punch table.

"So," I said, taking a cup for myself. "Harry seems nice."

"How'd you know?" Gordon groaned, his cheeks heating up. I looked at him blankly. He must've assumed I was implying something.

"Know - "

"That I like him?" He asked. "He's cute, right?" I gaped at Gordon for a second. I thought he liked me! Maybe he liked both of us. Maybe he was polyamorous?

"Yeah, he's cute," I said. I wasn't even too sad about it. I was more shocked. "Oh."

"He's the cutest guy ever. Out of all the guys I've liked, he's the cutest. He's possibly the reason how I found out I was gay! Do you think I should go for it?" I nodded my head on a loop and he gave me a quick hug and chaste kiss on the cheek. Suddenly, everything made sense. As Gordon ran off to talk to Harry, I looked around the room. I watched Taylor give Fred a glowering yet loving stare over his costume switch. I saw Roxanne and some random Ravenclaw dancing. I looked back at the punch and saw the reflection of myself. I was doing nothing. Absolutely nothing.

"Fun party," James said to me. I spit out my punch upon seeing his floating head and I felt myself stumble back into the crowd. Somehow, I was falling and I fell hard onto the stone cold dungeon floor. Some girl stepped on my skirt and I ripped myself away, scrambling to face a cackling James.

"Merlin, you scared me!" I said with wide eyes. My heart pounded hard against my chest.

"Wardrobe malfunction," He suddenly said. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay? And? How can I help you with a wardrobe malfunction?"

"No, wardrobe malfunction!" He pointed his head towards my outfit. I looked down before realizing that yes, there was one. In fact, a big one. The skirt was ripped. Very ripped. And the tights now had runs in it. Just from one single fall.

"And I'm not even pissed yet," I muttered. "Do you have a - " I sighed. "Obviously not. You don't happen to have any coat I could borrow."

"I have my invisibility cloak," James said. "But I haven't finished scaring all the kids."

"I thought you were mature now," I scoffed. He smiled sheepishly before throwing me the cloak.

"I'll walk you back," He said softly. "I don't want to get caught and get a detention." Once we were both under the cloak, we began our journey to the Gryffindor Common Room.

"Did you have a good time?" He asked.

"For the good ten minutes I was there, no," I stated flatly. Gordon was gay, I ripped my costume, and I didn't even get to drink. "How bad is my skirt?"

"It's bad," James said. "And your tights are all frayed up."

"Great," I sighed. "I actually liked that skirt." We walked quietly for a while. Once we got inside the Common Rooms, James sighed.

"Willow, there's nothing wrong with you."

"I never said - "

"I know what you meant," He said, placing his arms on my shoulders. "Listen, there is so much that Helen has that you don't. And there's so much that you have that Helen doesn't. Because you two are different people. Don't compare yourself to her. You're one of the good ones." James disappeared up the stairs and I took a seat on the couch, contemplating what he just said.

Maybe James Sirius Potter had grown up. I frowned with this realization. I don't think I had grown up.


	25. James Apologizes

**Chapter Twenty Five: James Apologizes**

a/n: OKAY WOW! Thanks for all the very spirited reviews! I hope you read my own comment about it. James has matured, he has grown up - but he still is stuck like a child in ways of his selfishness. Hopefully, you'll see in this chapter his growth. Also, shout out to the reviewer V! You had a spot on interpretation of James and how he wants both Helen and Willow in his life! I was so impressed by your level of introspection.

I know this was a quick update, but this is for a reason! My updates are going to be a lot slower since I'm starting school again and I also want to think about how this story will go. This is a really long chapter, so hopefully you all enjoy this. James and Willow's complications(not all of it, but most) are resolved here.

* * *

 _Dear Katie,_

 _I think, as your maid of honor(only joking, I know Angelina is going to be it!), the bridesmaids shouldn't wear white. I mean, if you're going to wear white, you should be the only one. A nice blush, pale, pale, pink that is more nude than pink would be nice. I saw a dress when we went bridal shopping at that one town, remember? It was satin and long, with the subtle slit. That's be a nice twist._

 _Also, I got my first O this year! It was in Potions, my worst subject, so you could say I'm more than pleased._

 _Love,_

 _Willow_

* * *

"Willow, aren't you happy?" I looked at Gordon who was currently scanning the Honeyduke's selection of caramels. "It's our first Hogsmeade trip of the year and you haven't smiled once." I gave him a big grin to contradict him. He laughed.

"I'll buy you a nutty chocolate bar," Henry told me. He and Gordon had become inseparable after the Halloween party. "I hate nuts," I countered. Henry giggled at the implication.

"Immature," I said to Henry. Once I said this, I heard Fred and James bustle into the store. How coincidental. Of course, James was now, as he proclaimed, "mature." "Speaking of immature people," I commented. Gordon bit back a laugh.

"Willow Wood!" Fred exclaimed. "Wood for Wood! Morning, Wood!" He doubled over in laughter. I resisted the urge to hex him.

"Fred Weasley," I rolled my eyes. "What a surprise to see you here. I figured you'd be at your dad's shop."

"We just went," Fred said, gesturing to the many items that James was carrying. James offered me a smile that I did not reciprocate.

"Are you two on a date?" James blurted. I followed his gaze to Gordon and to me.

"No," I said. And he said he was mature. James had no tact at all. I couldn't believe that for a second, I truly was convinced that James had grown up.

"Oh, okay," James replied awkwardly, rubbing his neck. "Are you going to the game?" The big match starring Gryffindor and Slytherin was coming up, one of my favorite matches to play. I couldn't help but feel completely disheartened at the fact that I won't get the chance to pummel the Slytherins to the ground one last time. It was always one of my most cherished moments with the team. It wasn't even easy to ignore, especially since it was the only thing my friends could talk about.

"It's going to be great," Fred interjected. "It's our last time with Slytherin, and I think we could beat them! James has been working us hard. You'll be proud, Willow."

"Wish I could go," I said.

"You aren't going?" James's tone was incredulous and shocked. I shook my head. Why did he care, anyways?

"I can't," I said. "I have to study. There's a giant exam that is crucial. If I do good, I might have a small chance of getting back on the team."

"Anything for the team, I guess," James replied but his face had fallen with disappointment. "Willow, we - "

"Are you ready to go, Willow?" Gordon asked. I nodded.

"Bye, I guess," I turned away to walk with Gordon and Henry. They both gave me questioning stares. I tried to ignore them.

"So, what's up with you two?" Gordon asked nosily. I drew a breath in.

"Nothing!" I said. "Nothing at all."

"Didn't you two date in sixth year?" Henry asked politely. I nodded.

"Only for a couple of months," I said. "Didn't really mean a lot."

"How long did the breakup last?" Gordon asked. I looked at him blankly. Henry and him exchanged glances.

"What does that mean?" I asked indignantly. "It was a minute or so. I don't know."

"The breakup means how long it took for the awkwardness to go away. Or for one of you to apologize." Henry said. I shrugged.

"Then, I guess it's still going on."

"Then it meant a lot," Gordon speculated. "Don't kill me or anything, but I can tell that you still care for him. And he definitely still cares for you."

"How do you know that?" I demanded, now very annoyed. They didn't get to tell me how I felt - even if it was slightly accurate.

"He thought I liked you or something," Gordon said. "James told me not to hurt you. He lectured me for ten minutes on what I shouldn't do."

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" I scoffed with the realization of how hypocritical it was of James to ask someone not to hurt _me._ He was the one that hurt me. "That's ironic considering he cheated on me."

"Did he at least apologize?" Henry wondered outloud. I shook my head. "You deserve an apology and an explanation for it, at the least." I pondered this thought for a while.

"What'd he say to you? You know, what not to do." I asked curiously. Gordon shrugged.

"Told me to learn from his mistakes," Gordon said. "He went into a long rant about not breaking your heart. I don't really remember. But he was being genuine."

"James said that?" I gaped. "Well, he sure doesn't seem to act like he cares."

"He does," Henry pointed out. "Obviously, he does. But you deserve his care. After all, he cheated on you." I smiled. Henry was right. I deserved his care. "Know your self-worth, Willow," Gordon added on. I thought about this. I didn't really know if I was even worth anything.

* * *

The game day was today. I, however, shut the curtains on my bed, casted a silencing spell(took me a few tries to get it to work), and immediately began studying. As the hours passed by, I felt myself drift asleep on the Transfiguration book. I couldn't even keep my eyes open. My vision turned to nothing and my brain stopped thinking for a quiet minute - or what I thought was a minute.

"Willow, wake up." I felt a hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes slowly, meeting Taylor's blue ones.

"Taylor?" I mumbled. "What time is it? Aren't you supposed to be at the game?" She stepped to the side, revealing Fred and James, both red faced with dirt stains on their Quidditch robes, which must have meant they won and were too excited to take a shower - but if they won already, that means that the Quidditch game was over and it was not the morning anymore. I had slept through the entire afternoon, I realized, my heart speeding faster and faster. This couldn't be real.

"What?" I felt my hearing go, only buzzing in my ears. "What?" I repeated. "Wha - "

"We won," James offered, his voice thick and raspy. I looked at him wide eyed. I was dreaming.

"What time is it?"

"It's time for dinner, I just thought I'd come up and remin - "

"Dinner?" A million thoughts raced through my mind. I was supposed to study today. I was supposed to be preparing for the exam. I was supposed to have been prepared. "Dinner? I - I slept through the whole day?" My eyes could only focus on the carpet. The carpet with the small fuzziness on it. The carpet with the pattern that I never knew the name of because I had a rubbish memory. A memory that failed me every single day in class, a memory that would continue to. Self hatred crept through my veins as I stared at the carpet, trying to remember.

"I guess?" Taylor shrugged. "Are you okay?"

"Okay?" My head snapped up to see her. Taylor, looking so flushed from the wind, because she went to the Quidditch game. Because she could. Because she was smart. "Okay. I'm not okay, Taylor. I am not okay, because I, the stupid girl that I am, didn't study today. And I know, I know, that may not be a big deal to you and you may not think it's a big deal, but yes, Taylor, it is a big deal because unlike you, I am _dumb._ I am _stupid_." I was blurting out words and thoughts that I had secretly wanted to yell from the rooftops, but kept it inside. Finally, I was letting it all out, but it didn't feel as satisfying as I thought it would.

"No one ever said you were dumb - " Taylor's words were frantic, coming all out at once while Fred and James stood behind her, both talking at rapid paces.

"That's a lie. You know it." I rattled off names. "In First Year, Slughorn called me the dumbest student he had ever had and everyone laughed. You did. You called me stupid, right there. And James, he called me - James - he called me a dumb slag."

"Willow, Willow, I didn't mean it - "

"You thought it! You thought about it! And you know what? You're not wrong. Because I am." I was crying now, I didn't even know it. Tears were slipping out of my eyes and onto the floor. "I am an idiot. And I'm never going to be able to play Quidditch ever again at Hogwarts. I am - " I could barely say it, as I gasped for air. "I am never going to be on the Quidditch team. I am never going to be captain again. I will never win the Cup."

"Willow, don't say that," James tried to say, but I cut him off.

"You don't get to tell me that," I cried out. "You don't get to tell me anything. You don't understand. None of you do."

"What do you mean? Willow, let's be matu - "

"Mature?" I heard my voice raise and I raised an eyebrow while scoffing. He seemed to be under the impression that he was mature. For a second, I believed him. But when I really thought about it, I was the mature one. "James, I get that now you think you're so mature, but if you were actually mature, you'd try to understand my own point of view. I don't want to be friends with you, not because I'm not mature, but because I don't want your friendship. And I don't want to hear you try to tell me that it will be okay, I'll get back on the Quidditch team - not because I'm not mature - but because I don't want to listen to someone who doesn't know what they're talking about." A silence fell over the room. James cleared his throat.

"You're right," He said solemnly. I looked up in a surprise. James never conceded. Never. "You're...You're right."Fred's face paled, as he grasped onto Taylor's arm, her looking extremely confused. James kept his steady stare on me, no expression changed in his face except for the brightness of his eyes. "What don't I understand?"

"I'm failing," I whispered so softly that only he could hear. He looked at me for a second before opening one of the stray books on my bed.

"Let's start studying, then," James announced.

"James, what about the afterpart - " Fred started to say but James shook his head, extending my wand to me. Fred waved me a goodbye, clambering down to the party. Taylor patted me on the back comfortingly before following. James pointed to a section in the book.

"Give me a new hair color," He said. I looked at him blankly. He smiled. "Human transfiguration. Come on." I bit my lip before furrowing my eyebrows together, concentrating real hard. His nose remained unchanged.

"Alright," James directed. "What works for you? Telling you what to do or what to think?"

"Think," I said, realizing that Gordon hadn't asked me that. Gordon was a good tutor and all - but he talked immensely fast and James seemed to slow down.

"Okay," He scrunched his nose up, like he was thinking. "So, what I think about in Transfiguration is the result. What do you want my nose to look like. And I imagine it changing in my brain."

"What about for the conciseness?" I asked. I was always so sloppy with the wand movements.

"You're a Chaser, aren't you?" I glanced back down.

"Not anymore," I grumbled. He rolled his eyes.

"Come on, you're a Chaser. Your form is always perfect. Concentrate that much on the wand movements as your grip." I shrugged off his compliment while trying the nose transfiguration again. This time, his hair turned a vibrant pink. James grinned, looking back up.

"Brilliant," He said. "See, you got it!"

"Yeah," I looked back down. "I mean, I get it here. I don't really get it in exams."

"Well, then," James pursed his lips while scanning the book. "Before you take the exam, you have to find me. Okay? I'll give you a pep talk."

"Or liquid luck," I joked. He laughed before flipping through the book. "I should probably change your hair colour back." I grabbed my wand and waved it around with the utmost concentration.

"I - " James took in a breath before wringing his hands nervously. "I - I was being selfish."

"What?" I scanned the book for more spells we could practice. "What are you talking about?"

"When I said I wanted us to be friends. I was being selfish." I paused before thinking about it.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I think you were."

"I don't - I want us to be friends, but I don't think I really deserve your friendship after all that happened." I stayed quiet, wondering what he was going to say next.

"You never apologized," I heard myself say, thinking about what Gordon had told me before. "You never apologized. Or even really explained."

"You didn't get my letter?" He asked, his eyes wide. I shook my head. He sighed. "I guess I'll have to apologize the non-cowardly way, huh?" We were both quiet for a few moments.

"Willow, I'm sorry," James blurted. "I'm sorry." No boy had ever told me this about their infidelity or telling the school that I slept with them. They normally told me that "it was an accident" or "I didn't think you'd care." But James was in front of me, telling me sorry, and I wanted an explanation.

"Tell me why," My voice came back stronger than I had ever heard it and I enjoyed that.

"You're really going to make me do this?" He asked, his hands squirming. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for a lot of things, Willow." James paused before looking at me directly in the eye. "In third year, I kissed you. Do you remember that?" I nodded. He had done it because I teased him about how he never kissed a girl. "I thought you were beautiful. I thought you were the prettiest girl in our grade. I didn't really think I fancied you until fifth year - "

"Fifth year - " My eyebrows shot up. "Fifth year? But you - we - "

"- weren't friends, I know. I just...I saw something in you. I hadn't seen it before and I saw it all throughout sixth year. I really fancied you in sixth year, Willow. I don't know. Ever since third year, I think that you were someone important to me. When you got the mumblemumps in fourth year and were out for a week, Quidditch practice was horrendous. I couldn't focus. I think your presence just helped me."

"James, what does this have to do with - "

"You're important to me. You always have been. When I told you that you only got the captain spot because you and Kang shagged, I didn't mean that. But I said it anyways. I don't know why I said that. I don't think it matters why I said that. I didn't know you well enough to understand that those comments would hurt you. So, I'm sorry for that." I nodded. I felt good, but most of all, I felt deserving of all of this. I deserved this, I told myself. I deserve this.

"Um," He continued on. "When I realized that I had a giant crush on you, more than a crush, really, I know I pressured you into going to Teddy's wedding with me. I know I did. I tried not to, but I wanted you so badly, I forgot that you had feelings too. I made you vulnerable, I know I did. And I'm sorry. We wouldn't be in this stupid mess if it wasn't for me. I'm sorry, Willow. I really am." I drew in a breath, knowing what was coming next.

"You've always been important to me, Willow. But I never knew if I was important to you. I was - I was insecure. I was scared where our relationship would go. I wanted it for so long and it seemed like something that you didn't want at all. I felt our deadline ticking away and I couldn't stand the feeling anymore. I don't know why I did it. I don't know why. Helen was there and she had always been there. She was always flirting with me. I always would turn her away, but that day - the time ticked away so loudly and she kissed me. Willow, she kissed me. But I let it get to that point and I'm sorry. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness - " I realized that I was crying. I reached a hand to wipe my tears away. I was crying.

"I'm sorry for not apologizing soon enough. And I'm sorry for hurting you, Willow, I swear, I am. You don't know how important you are to me."

"If I was so important," My voice was so soft now, almost cracking with every syllable. "Why'd you do it?"

"Because I fuck up the most important things to me," James replied instantly. His words were raw and honest. For a second, I felt bad for him. James didn't seem to know his self worth either. "I fuck everything up. I have messed up so many relationships just over my own self. I'm...selfish, Willow. I'm so selfish. Al, Lily, my cousins, they all know this about me. And I - " He stopped speaking abruptly. He was crying and he didn't want me to see. I suddenly realized that I had never seen James so vulnerable. He had seen me vulnerable so many times, but I had never seen James like this. I touched his cheek softly, diminishing the tear that slid down his face.

"I don't love Helen," James told me. "I don't. I never did. And she - she doesn't love me either. She cheats on me. I don't care, but she cheats on me and I don't care. It doesn't hurt because I don't care and - I didn't think you cared. So, I didn't think it'd hurt but I guess - "

"I cared," I said. "James, I cared."

"I know that now." He said. Another tear slid out of his warm brown eyes and I caught this one with my finger tips. "I'm sorry, Willow. I'm sorry." I nodded.

"I heard you when you told Taylor that it didn't mean that much," He whispered. "I saw your face when I would tell you that you were beautiful. You never trusted me. You never believed me, did you?" I shook my head. "Do you believe me now? That I'm sorry."

"Yes," I said hoarsely. "I never did trust you, I think."

"You still didn't deserve it," James told me. "I'm - I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He always had comforted me whenever I was hurt. It was my turn now. I slung my arms over his neck and we stayed there for a second. I admired James for a second. He wasn't quite mature yet, but he had grown up. Or at least, he was trying to. He was trying to change himself for the better.

"Can I transfigure your eyebrow hair color?" I asked quietly. He looked back up at me, red rimmed eyes and all.

"Okay," He replied, just as quietly. We stared at each other for a minute before bursting into laughter. We weren't friends yet, but we were now - officially - resolved. And somehow, it made me feel better.


End file.
